Someone To Love You Better
by GirlWednesday
Summary: I'm a physicist, not a father. Shamy and Lenny pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Set fifteen years into the future. **

Howard Wolowitz lay out on his sofa, drink in hand and a photo frame held close to his chest.

He sighed to himself and held the frame at arms length, looking at the photo of his smiling wife that had been taken on their wedding day.

"Oh Bernie where did all the time go?"

The silence in the house went right through him. It didn't feel right, if someone had told him on his wedding day all those year ago that his life would turn out how it did, he would've laughed at them.

A picture was all he had. Nearly twenty years of marriage and now all that he had to remember her was a picture.

His ma was gone and now Bernadette was as well.

Exhaling loudly he blinked back the tears that threatened to surface. He couldn't fall apart and he wasn't going to let himself.

It had been six months by this stage. They had gone quickly but the loss was still as painful as ever.

He placed the frame back down onto the coffee table and looked up onto the mantelpiece. Another picture took pride of place in the middle. It was the last family picture taken before he lost her.

They had smiles on their faces however she hadn't looked well; her complexion had been pale and her blonde hair was straw like. He was stood close to her, he hadn't cared how ill she looked, she was always beautiful to him.

Then in the middle between them was their daughter. For the first time that day a genuine smile came across his features, he still had her. She Fourteen years old now and was thirteen when the photo was taken. She was crouched down due to the large height difference between her and her short parents, her brown hair sat just above he shoulders and she had taken off her glasses especially for the photograph.

Bernadette hadn't changed her mind about having children, the decision was made for her. Neither had expected that they would ever have any children, it was unexpected. Bernadette never loved her any less, they had had her and she had made Bernadette very happy.

They had named her Clare. It had been a simple choice, Bernadette had wanted a normal name for her.

He looked at the glass of scotch in his hand and shook his head. He didn't really like the taste. He drank it because it was strong and alcoholic and numbed the pain slightly.

The shrill ring of the door bell abruptly broke his trail of thoughts, bringing him crashing back down to the present moment.

Regaining his composure he quickly secured his dressing gown.

"It's open."

He knew who it was. Clare never used the door bell, she always preferred to knock.

He painted on his most convincing smile for the caller.

"Hey man, how you doing?"

Raj was unconvinced by his best friend's act, he knew of his turmoil however he still had no idea of how he could possibly help him.

"I joined a dating website, so ok I guess."

"Any matches yet?"

"It's a bit of a slow burner."

Howard relaxed into a laugh, even after all these years Raj still hadn't changed. His quest for true love was still ongoing and still as disastrous as ever.

"Hey I know what will cheer you up."

Raj rolled his eyes before overdramatically flopping down onto the sofa in a melodramatic fashion.

"Dude I'm doomed to be forever stuck on the shelf like an out of date jar of mayonnaise that everyone's forgotten about, how could you possibly cheer me up?"

Howard quickly dismissed his previous thought process and instead opted for a friendly slap on the back.

"Hang in there buddy, I'm sure some women will find you attractive and may even find your inability to talk to them sexy."

Raj picked up a cushion and placed it over his face in defeat.

"Was that an insult? It felt like an insult."

Howard placed his hand over his mouth in attempts to suppress the laugh that was desperate to escape. Raj always cheered him up, he didn't want sympathy all he wanted was normality and that's what Raj provided.

He opened his mouth to speak however was stopped short when the doorbell rang once more.

Getting to his feet he took the cushion off Raj and placed it to the side.

"Who knows it cold be your ideal woman at the door."

Ignoring his friends comment Raj took hold of the remote control and turned on the television.

Howard upon reaching the door turned to face Raj once more.

"Remember my no rom-com rule."

After receiving a reluctant nod, he pulled open the door.

Stood in the porch was Leonard a look of uneasiness across his face.

"Hey what's up?"

Leonard gestured to the hallway.

"Mind if I come in?"

Howard pulled the door wider for his friend to come in.

As he stepped in Leonard in he gave Raj a nod of hello before skimming his eyes around the area.

"Is Clare here?"

"Uh no, she will be soon, why?"

Leonard exhaled loudly, looking down at the ground as he did so. He and Penny had briefly discussed what he would say however he was ill prepared.

"It's Sheldon."

Howard clenched his jaw at the mention.

"What about him?"

"Now don't freak out, I did try to stop this."

Howard bit down on his tongue in restraint he could see where this was going and he was far from happy.

"I can't promise that but go on."

Leonard took a brief moment to ponder how to tell him, in the end he opted for short and to the point.

"He's back in Pasadena."

Howard took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. Leonard noted how he had visibly paled and Raj had changed from his slumped position to sit bolt upright.

"Why now? Why after all these years?"

Leonard nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Well he'd heard about Bernadette and well..."

"Well what? He's coming nowhere near Clare."

Raj who had been silent throughout climbed up off the sofa and made his way over to where his friends were stood.

"I'm with Howard on this."

"He's not a child catcher he's her..." He started before quickly cutting himself off.

A look of intense anger raged like a destructive fire in Howard's eyes.

"He's nothing to her, nothing."

"Howard you're being unfair."

"No she's my daughter and I know what's right for her."

There was a painfully long silence as Howard caught his breath. Raj diverted his eyes to the ground and Leonard fiddled with the zip of his jacket.

Three loud knocks upon the door broke through the silence.

"Dad?"

Howard sighed to himself.

Three more came.

"Dad?"

He waited for her to do it a third time before he went to open the door.

"Use your key or use the door bell."

Clare ignored his statement and entered her home, their height difference was clear to see as she towered above him.

She was only fourteen however when she hit twelve she had rapidly gained height and was taller than everyone in her year group.

"Hi Uncle Leonard, Uncle Raj."

Raj offered her a small wave, his silence suggested to her that he hadn't had anything to drink that day.

Leonard spoke up from where he was stood.

"So Clare uh how was your day?"

"Adequate, I found my science lesson was far to watered down for my liking and then I went to my bestie's house for tea."

"Best friend." Howard corrected, a hint of irritation was present in his voice.

Oblivious to her father's worry she proceeded onwards.

"Her mum made spaghetti but she made it with meat balls and I prefer to have tiny hot dogs with mine."

Howard put on a smile for her benefit and ruffled her hair.

"Well kiddo I'm sure I can whip you up something you will like."

She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"No brisket."

"Right ok, no brisket."

Giving him a quick hug she swung her bag over her shoulder and made her way up the stairs to change out of her school uniform.

Leonard glanced up the stairs after her.

"She certainly has no problem with affection."

Howard narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms as he did so.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning she just hugged you."

"She never has had any issues, she's just a normal kid."

Leonard gave him a slow nod.

"Listen Sheldon is staying with Penny and me, so I just thought..."

"Yeah well you thought wrong."

Defeated Leonard held his hands up to end the debate.

"Right I'm sorry, I'll go."

Howard merely nodded in agreement, holding the door open for his friend to leave.

Raj waited until he heard Leonard's car pull away before he spoke again.

"Howard?"

"I'm fine."

He gestured to the stairs where Clare had been a minute previously.

"Do you think he wants to see her?"

Howard shrugged.

"This is Sheldon we're talking about who knows what he wants."


	2. Chapter 2

Clare Wolowitz awoke on her bedroom floor. She had found herself jolted from her sleep by the fall from her bed.

She took a few moments to regain her composure, she was breathing heavily and her face was stained with tears and sweat.

Her first reaction was to call out to her mother and then it hit her, her mother was gone.

There was no one who could bring her the same comfort like her mother had.

No one would ever be able to convince her that everything would be ok like Bernadette had.

No one would ever come close to drying her tears in the same way her mother had.

No one's hugs would ever feel the same.

She was gone and no one, not even Howard could bring her any comfort.

Clare had always had problems with night terrors. Every night when she went to sleep there would always be something lurking in the shadows of her mind, ready to jump out and haunt her each night in her dreams.

She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. A tear escaped out the corner of her eye and all too soon another one had made an appearance, which was shortly followed by a third, she couldn't stop them and why would she?

They were for her mother and if her mother wasn't worthy of her tears then who was?

There would be times where she would forget that she wasn't there anymore.

Every time she saw a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of her eye, it would throw her off guard and fill her with hope that she would come face to face with her mother once more.

The worst night terrors would be simply being bad memories of how she lost her.

Then there would be beautiful dreams where they were back to how they were. Her mother would have a bright smile on her face and her father would be practicing his new magic trick.

The silent tears soon turned to noisy sobs, cascading endlessly down her cheeks and onto the carpet.

There was only one person who was able to comfort her in the weeks following her mother's death.

She remembered at the funeral she had met a woman from Texas called Mary. She had never met her before however Mary seemed to know her.

She had obviously been religious and had told her how she would see her mother again and that she was now in a better place, where she was healthy and free from pain.

Although Clare had always been a firm believer in the scientific explanations of the origins of the world, she had remembered feeling at ease around her and she had held her hand throughout the service.

Leonard and Penny had spoken to her a few times throughout the day however she remembered Howard hadn't gone near her the whole time. When Clare had asked him about this he had told her he didn't know who she was.

The sound of someone clearing their throat alerted her to the presence of another being.

Startled she looked up and came face to face with her father.

"I'm sorry Dad."

She quickly brushed away the tears that stained her cheeks.

He offered her a sympathetic smile. He was at a loss of what to do it was Bernadette that usually dealt with the emotional side of things.

Howard moved from the door frame so that he was in her room, he darted his eyes around the room in search of something that could cheer her up. In the end he settled on one of her soft toys from when she was younger.

"This ought to cheer you up, right?"

A small smile graced her lips as she studied it.

"Jazz!"

Howard looked at the toy in amusement.

"Yeah what was with that?"

"I called him Jazz, because he was just so jazzy."

"And you couldn't have just gone with an ordinary teddy?"

"It's a bear of sorts just not a teddy."

Howard remembered the day she got it clearly, Bernadette had wanted to buy her a doll however she had kicked up a fuss because she had had her heart set on the stuffed Koala bear that she had seen earlier on in the day.

"You wanna stay here today?"

She looked him up and down, since her mother's death it wasn't uncommon for him to mope about the house unshaven and in his robe.

Today was different he had combed his hair and had a shave. He was also dressed for the day and had his moped helmet tucked under his arm like he was about to leave the house.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the university, I figured it was about time."

For the first time that morning a smile came across her face.

"You sure?"

He gave her a reassuring nod offering her his hand.

"So are you gonna be building rockets today?" She asked as she accepted his help to get up.

"Uh no, not quite."

"Do you think you'll go into space again?"

"I think not."

She thought for a moment before wrapping her arms around him. For a moment he was surprised by the sudden gesture affection however he soon returned it.

"Could you crouch down a little? Getting a little cramped down here."

She lowered herself to his height so her head was resting on his shoulder.

"Space is dangerous. I wouldn't want you to get blown up or probed by aliens."

"I think I'll take a pass on that too."

"Good. I don't want you to leave me, ever."

He pulled away from the hug so that he could look at her.

"You don't have to worry about me."

"Promise me you won't get fat and die on the toilet like grandma did."

Howard cringed at the mention of the somewhat embarrassing death.

"I will try not to."

She took a moment to think.

"Good, because with you height and the long family history of heart disease, a bad diet could be fatal."

He let out a nervous laugh. His daughter was always straight talking. Some would go as far to call her blunt.

"Thanks Clare, I shall bear that in mind at lunch time."

"You should."

"Right you get ready for school."

She nodded in agreement, throwing the duvet back onto the bed.

"Don't take too long you don't want your fruit loops to go soggy."

She waited until the door was closed before she got ready for the day. She crinkled her nose up at the thought of fruit loops again. There wasn't really any other option apart from burnt toast made by the dodgy toaster.

Her mother used to do all the cooking. Clare and her father were useless at it, they would both go around Leonard and Penny's to eat takeaway.

If they weren't around Leonard and Penny's apartment, they would experiment. Some would turn out a success, others a disaster.

Once she was changed she took a look in the mirror and frowned. She hated being so tall, especially when the rest of her family were so much shorter than her.

Sighing to herself she pulled herself away and quickly threw on her clothes.

She didn't waste time, she always considered herself as quick and efficient and that morning was no exception.

Upon reaching the kitchen she was surprised to found Howard leaning up against the work surface waiting for her.

"You said you were going to work?"

He twirled his moped keys around his finger.

"Can't a guy take his kid to school?"

"You mean on that?" She asked gesturing to the moped through the kitchen window.

"You see any other way?"

She nervously chewed her bottom lip, a look of doubt across her face.

"You're not allowed to take me on it."

"It was your ma that wouldn't let ya. I'm cool with it if you are."

She was still unconvinced. She was never one to break the rules, even if the one that put them in place was no longer there to enforce them.

"It's either that or walk."

She reluctantly nodded.

"Ok does this count as an amendment to the unwritten rules?"

"Yes, yes it does."

"So if anyone asks we had a verbal agreement."

He sighed to himself, rolling his eyes as he did so. He found at times it was easier to just humour her.

"Right fine, we had a verbal agreement."

She beamed, picking up her school bag and swinging it over her shoulder.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

She looked confused before giving him a defeated shrug.

"No?"

"Breakfast."

She looked over at the kitchen counter and spied the bowl of now soggy fruit loops.

"Hmmm yeah, I think I'll hold off until I get to school."

He decided not to argue with her, Bernadette was always the assertive parent. He had taken the more relaxed approach with her and was now struggling to show his stricter side.

Throwing over the spare helmet, he led the way outside.

She stood in the drive for a few seconds, observing the moped. She walked over to it and circled it before inspecting the tyres.

Upon completion of her checks she nodded to herself and climbed on, securing the helmet as she did so.

Howard decided not to dwell too much on her checks of it. Whatever her reasons were, the explanation would be far too long winded for that time of the morning.

The ride to her school was a slow one, he had found with Clare on the back he rode a lot slower than what he usually would've dared.

Despite his slow pace, she still clung on as tight as she could manage, gripping the fabric of his shirt and screaming a little louder than what the speed he was going at required.

Climbing off at the school gates she shot him a look of disapproval.

"You drive like a maniac."

"What? I was going at like half the speed I usually would've."

She shook her head.

"Do you have any idea how many accidents involving mopeds there are each year on these roads?"

He glanced his watch.

"Hold that thought I'm late for work, but I'm sure it will be just as thrilling when you tell me tonight."

Before she had chance to respond he sped off down the road picking up the pace to his average speed.

Confident that he was out of her eye's view, he slammed his foot on the pedal and accelerated further, determined to make up for the time lost. Within the blink of an eye he had brought his bike up to an alarming speed, not even slowing down when he got to the bends.

Arriving at the university he slammed his foot down on the break bringing him to an abrupt stop, sending him forward.

Steadying himself he pulled off his helmet and tried to get his breath back.

"Thank cow for that, from where I was stood it looked like you were going to wrap yourself around a lamppost."

Taken aback by the voice behind him, he turned around and came face to face with Raj.

"Excuse me?"

"Dude only someone with a death wish would be going at a speed like that."

"Yeah well, it was actually pretty cool."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the medics that have to scoop you up off the road would agree."

"Wow Raj, this quite some welcome party you've got going on here."

"Well it is good to have you back, I gotta admit conversation at the lunch table has been kind of limited with just me and Leonard."

"Oh yeah?"

"There's only one topic."

"Talking non stop about Penny and Leonard Junior?"

"You know he's pretty cut up about Leonard Junior having his looks and Penny's IQ."

"I guess all those years ago when he was talking about their children being smart and beautiful, he never saw it going the other way."

"I try reassuring him, I say hey he's only two he can get smarter, but he just flicks me off."

"Oh I don't know I say it's fairly obvious, at his age Clare solved her first Rubik cube."

Raj held open the door for them to enter the building.

"I still can't get over that she beat me at monopoly when she was four."

"Dude just let it go."

As they reached the stair case Raj walked up a few steps before he turned to face him again.

"How can I when she keeps reminding me?"

"Well she doesn't forget these things.

"She doesn't forget anything."

Howard hurried up the first few steps to catch him up.

"What can I say? She has an excellent memory."

Reaching the top of the stairs, Raj turned to face him and raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously?

"Well she does, you said so yourself."

"No I would say there was a more specific name for that type of memory."

Howard shot him a look of warning.

"Don't even go there."

He held his hands up to show defeat.

"Why so touchy?"

Ignoring his statement he gestured down the corridor.

"I gotta get to work, I'll catch you later."

He didn't wait for his friend to respond instead he made his way to the lab. He had been away for a while now and he wondered if much would've changed.

Although he would've hated to admit it, the enthusiasm he used to feel for it had reduced a significant amount.

When Bernadette was ill he had focused most of his time on her and work always came second.

Clare was his priority now and work came no where near being as important to him as she was.

Walking into the room, he discovered it had hardly changed at all.

The coffee mug that he had dropped the day he received the call off the hospital informing him of his wife's deterioration had been cleared up.

The newspaper he had been reading a few minutes before the phone call was no longer sat on the desk.

And the chair that he had accidentally knocked over was now back to its old position.

Other than those few things everything was pretty much how he left it.

A voice from behind him caused him to jump back in surprise.

"Dear lord, you still work in this department? And people call me crazy."

Howard didn't turn to face him.

"Well if it isn't doctor whack-a-doodle."

"I'm guessing this emotion is hostility?"

"No I'm thrilled to have you here."

"Sarcasm?"


	3. Chapter 3

It had been fourteen long years since Sheldon Cooper had stepped foot in the university where he used to work.

He had already encountered Kripke and Lesley Winkleman within the first hour of stepping into the building. After all this time they were still there.

He always pictured Leonard being the one that moved on but here he still was, the only change being he had moved across the hall and had a child with Penny.

If someone had approached him with the ridiculous notion that it would be him leaving his apartment and job, he would've told them not to be so absurd.

The thought of him quickly throwing his possessions into a suitcase and leaving without any notice, would've had him hyperventilating. Yet somehow he had done it.

He would've asked them why on earth he would've wanted to leave.

His hair cut records was there.

The comic book store was there.

The model train store was there.

He had finally learned to trust the mail man.

Although somehow he had done it, he had surprised everyone and most of all he had surprised himself.

Going to a whole new place had been daunting. I would've been daunting for anyone however he took longer to adjust to his new surroundings.

Moving from Texas to Pasadena had been bad enough. Crossing the Atlantic was a whole new concept to get used to.

There was a huge part of him that felt binded to Pasadena and there was another that was pushing him to leave.

What could he say about the new life in Europe he chose?

He had to get used to the different accents.

He had to adjust to the different time scale.

He had to learn to live a different lifestyle.

It had taken him years to adapt and if he was to be completely honest with himself, he would probably say that he never fully had.

The fact that the university hadn't changed suggested to him that they hadn't received any significant funding but its familiarity was somewhat comforting. He always hated change and after all the adjustments he had made in his life over the past few years, it was a relief to find he was returning to what he left.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked over at Howard.

"Don't you think your body posture discourages communication?"

Howard leant up against a chair tightening his grip around it. Despite having his back to him it was clear Sheldon had scarcely altered over the past few years.

"Why now Sheldon?"

He wandered around the other side of the desk so he was facing him.

"I see no reason why I shouldn't."

"Clare! Maybe?"

A look of confusion came across his face.

"Now who would that be?"

Howard altered his voice to a mocking tone, making the inverted comma signs with his fingers as he did so.

"The first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow."

There was a pause as the look of confusion was replaced by realisation and then came a disapproving frown.

"It's a bit meh, don't you think?"

Howard took a few deep breaths in attempts to compose himself, he had only been in his presence for a mere few minutes and he was already winding him up the same way in which he used to.

"A bit meh?"

"Well you know it doesn't exactly show off intellect as opposed to say Marie Curie."

"I didn't see you making any suggestions at the time, Bernie and I went with what felt right."

"I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion. I see no reason why you couldn't have come up with a better name."

Howard placed his head down on the desk in infuriation, clutching at his hair as he did so.

"My God, you just don't change do you?"

"I beg to differ."

Howard raised his head off the desk to face him.

"Oh you do, do you?"

Sheldon's eyes were drawn to the photo frame on the desk. Slowly he reached out and picked it up.

"Is this her?"

Howard nervously chewed his bottom lip, the way Sheldon was looking at it had set him on edge.

"Yeah."

Sheldon took a minute to study it tracing his finger over the glass as he did so.

"She looks like..." He started before trailing off and passing the frame back over to Howard.

Howard merely shrugged taking the frame back and clutching it close to his chest.

"Just tell me what you came here for, then get out."

Sheldon took a deep breath nodding his head as he did so.

"Now I do admit there has been a reason for my impromptu return."

"And that is?"

"I have a matter I wish to discuss with you."

Before Howard could process the words the door swung open ,abruptly bringing the conversation to a close.

"There you are, I told you to stay in the cafeteria."

Sheldon sighed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Leonard, you may have told me to stay there, but did I say I would?"

"Well uh..."

"Did I or did I not?"

"Well no but..."

Howard placed the frame down on his desk before pulling open the door.

"Both of you out!"

"Now hold on a moment. We have nowhere near discussed any of the proposed topics I have yet to present you with."

"Leonard get him out of here."

Leonard took hold of his arm and pulled him out.

After the exited Howard swiftly slammed the door and locked it behind him.

Sheldon brushed Leonard's hand off his shoulder, shooing him away.

"Well that was rude."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Leonard, if you view that as a joke then you really need to work on your sense of humour."

Leonard opened his mouth to protest however another distraction in the form of Sheldon's prominent ring tone got in the way.

After reading the caller I.D Sheldon stepped away from Leonard and made his way down the corridor.

"Sheldon! Get back here."

Ignoring his friend's request he picked up his pace until he was around the corner and out of ear shot.

"Hello?"

He paused allowing the other person to speak.

"I have yes."

He took another pause, holding the phone closer to his ear.

They've done a good job, from what I gather she's happy."

He frowned at their reply.

"Well yes considering what happened to Bernadette, she seems happy."

After a few seconds the frown turned to a smile.

"Goodbye, I'll see you soon."


	4. Chapter 4

Clare Wolowitz had been determined that she wasn't going to attend school that day. Her dad had dropped her off at the gates however that didn't mean she would go.

She had always found school tedious in the times before her mother was ill but now she just found it over bearing.

She couldn't do the work because she simply didn't care anymore.

She couldn't take the sympathy her friends and teachers gave.

She wanted to keep herself to herself, go off and read a book in the corner. There were too many people around for that.

This hadn't gone unnoticed by her teachers who had attempted to get in touch with her father however Clare had intercepted each and every letter they sent through the post, long before Howard had a chance to read them.

She wouldn't go far. She would go to the place where she felt safest.

When Clare thought of grave yards usually she would imagine them as dark and grim, where it would constantly rain and spooky shadows lurking in every corner.

This was different, it almost seemed too serene for a grave yard. The sun was out beaming down onto the head stones and the grass was crisp and bright green in colour.

Her mother would've wanted it that way, she was always a bright person and she wouldn't have wanted to be somewhere dismal.

She would spend hours there, just talking to her mother. She would tell her; how everything was going with her, how Howard was coping, what was new with Leonard and Penny, her worries and anything else she could think of.

She wanted everything to go back to how it was before, they were always a happy family. They weren't perfect but they were always happy.

She wasn't sure if her father visited anymore, she never saw any flowers left by him and he never mentioned any visits.

It wouldn't have meant he didn't want to. She knew it was hard for him and that he wanted more than just a soulless slab of marble when he thought about her.

The sound of crunching gravel coming from the path caused her to look up.

"Hello?"

The unfamiliar person in front of her gave her a smile.

"Hello you must be Clare, right?"

Clare merely nodded as she looked the woman up and down.

She was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a blue T-shirt which was accompanied by a pair of high heeled fashion boots.

Her hair was dark brown with some subtle red highlights running through it, however it wasn't all that noticeable because she had it pulled back into a pony tail.

It was also clear that she had spent quite a lot of time doing her make up as well.

"Do I know you?"

The woman shook her head.

"No, I knew your mother once and I was just passing through."

"Oh right, I'll just..."

The woman reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to leave, she was your mom."

Clare painted on a smile, she was never all that good with meeting new people.

"Thanks, she would like people coming to visit her."

She smiled back, giving her shoulder a brief squeeze before letting go.

"Thank you, I thought I'd come by whilst I was here."

Clare watched as she knelt and placed down the bunch of flowers she had brought with her.

"Did you say what your name was?"

"Uh no, it's um it's May."

"I like May, it's a good month."

"It is, isn't it?"

Clare looked over at the brightly coloured flowers that May had brought.

"Those are pretty flowers you brought, mom would love them."

"Well your mom was a very pretty person."

"Yes, she always was. Not like me my glasses make me look stupid."

"I think they make you look smart."

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have to wear them."

May gave her a sympathetic smile as she observed the school bag swung over the young girl's shoulder.

"Forgive me for intruding but shouldn't you be in school?"

She wasn't going to deny it, Clare never was any good at lying.

"Technically, yes. Yes I should."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I hardly know you."

"Sometimes its easier to explain stuff to someone you don't know."

Clare was hesitant for a moment, this woman was offering her a chance to say how she felt and she didn't seem to want anything in return.

"I've never really talked about it, dad has tried but I don't want to upset him."

"Well that's very sweet of you."

Clare bit down on her tongue she was desperate to voice something she had been holding in for the past six months however she was afraid what kind of a person it would make her if she said it aloud.

"Would you judge me?"

"For what?"

"For saying, how angry I am at her? That I think what she did was selfish?"

May's face changed to one of confusion.

"What was that?"

"She told me, she told me the truth when I would've rather gone the rest of my life not knowing."

"Oh honey, there's a diner down the road would you like to talk more there?"

Clare didn't care that she knew very little about this woman, she had to say it to someone. The only person who knew what Bernadette had said to her the day she died was Clare and she couldn't carry the burden any longer.

"I would."

May held out her hand for her take. Clare had been warned and had received the talk about stranger danger talk many times over. She was smart though, she knew what she was doing and she had felt an immediate trust for May.

The walk to the diner was a short one and within a couple of minutes they were stood in line.

"So Clare can I get you anything?"

"Do they have banana quick?"

May raised her eye brow in surprise.

"You like that?"

"It's my favourite yellow liquid."

They moved to the front of the queue.

"Can I have a banana quick please?"

The young waitress reached over to the fridge behind her and produced the order. May passed over the money and they took a seat at a table in the corner.

Clare fiddled with the label of the plastic bottle before brining her eyes up to meet May's.

"My dad doesn't know I know."

"He won't have to, unless you want him to."

"He didn't want me to know, maybe he was worried it would change things."

"Just take it slow, you only have to say what feels right."

Clare nodded in agreement pushing the memory to the forefront of her mind.

_Six months previously._

_She was sat outside her mother's room tears falling thick and fast down her cheeks. Her throat felt tight and her stomach had a knot in it. Everything hurt._

_She hadn't thought this day would come so soon. _

_A hand on her shoulder made her jump._

"_I'm sorry sweetheart." The nurse apologised, rubbing her back._

"_Have you spoken to my dad?"_

"_I have he's on his way."_

_Clare wiped away the tears, however it was pointless there was no way she could've stopped them flowing._

"_He needs to get here soon."_

"_I know sweetheart and he will do."_

"_Did he promise?"_

"_He did, he says he will get here."_

_Clare glanced back at the closed door, where he mother was._

"_Is she in pain?"_

"_No she wont feel much now, we've given her some pain relief."_

"_Good I don't want it to hurt, I don't want her to suffer anymore."_

"_It will be over soon Sweetie, you're just going to need to be brave for her."_

_Clare took a deep breath in through her nose, Bernadette wouldn't want to see her crying._

"_Does she know she's going to...?"_

_The nurse slowly nodded in confirmation._

"_She just wants her little girl to hold her hand."_

_Wordlessly Clare got to her feet and made her way to the door._

"_Be brave for mommy." She whispered to herself._

_She brought up her hand and gripped the door handle. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and pressed down on it._

_She was slow in pushing it open. The more time she took, the longer she could prolong the inevitable._

_Stepping into the room she caught her breath, she had seen her mother like this many times before however it was different this time. There would be no chances of improvement, no hope of bringing her home. This was it._

_Her statue like stance was soon broken by her mother's weak voice calling out to her._

"_Is that you Clare?"_

"_Yes it's me." Her voice was choked with tears._

_Bernadette held out her hand for her daughter to take._

_Clare reached out and took hold of it, pulling herself up so she was perched on the edge of the bed._

"_You can fight this can't you?"_

_Clare knew it was a pointless question. She knew her mother well enough to know that she had fought this illness the best she could. She had no fight left._

_Bernadette gripped hold of her hand as tight as she could manage._

"_You got so tall."_

_Clare let out a small laugh._

"_You didn't."_

_Bernadette gave her a weak smile which was soon replaced by a stream of tears._

"_No mom don't, please don't be scared."_

"_How can I leave my Howie and my baby girl?"_

_It was a question she had no idea how she could answer. She didn't know what their lives would be like without her. The thought was a scary one._

"_I'll make sure dad is okay, I promise."_

"_I don't want to lie to you anymore."_

_The sudden statement threw her off guard._

"_You haven't."_

_She shook her head, becoming ever more distressed._

"_She couldn't cope and he wasn't capable of loving, it was for the best."_

"_Who couldn't?"_

_She paused, bringing her other hand over and lightly placing it on her cheek, _

"_Your parents." She stated her voice barely above whisper level._

_Clare visibly jolted letting go of her hand._

"_You don't know what you're saying, it's the pain relief talking."_

"_It doesn't change the way we feel, you're our daughter no matter what."_

_She leaned over the side of the bed, burying her head in her hands._

"_You are my real parents, you are." _

"_We're the only mom and dad you've known, you were only a week old when they left."_

_Clare shook her head, placing her hands over her ears._

"_No, no, there aren't any others."_

_Bernadette lifted up her hand and pulled her hand away from her ear and back into her grip._

"_Please baby, don't be angry, not now."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_They couldn't love you like we could, especially not him."_

"_Why not?" She cried out, a fresh set of tears forming._

"_I don't think they knew how."_

_The door flung open ending the conversation and in walked her father, with Raj just behind him._

Clare stopped talking to wipe away the fresh tears that had filled up in her eyes.

"Nothing more was said about it and she died an hour later."

May looked stunned as she took in the information.

"She told you?"

Clare merely nodded, getting to her feet and gathering her stuff up.

"Thanks for listening and everything but maybe this was a bad idea."

"Would you like to take my number?"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry for putting this on you."

"No I don't mind, really."

"Thank you." She repeated once more, making her way over to the door.

May spoke up, stopping her in her tracks.

"Just one question?"

She turned and reluctantly nodded.

"Go on then."

"Would you want to know them?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know anything about them."

With that she turned on her heel and left.

May sighed and sat back down again.

"Damn contact lenses."

She reached into her hand bag placing on a pair of glasses and pulling her hair out of the pony tail allowing it to be loose.

She didn't feel right having her arms bare so she reached into her handbag and pulled out a thick cardigan.

The last thing she did was to take off the boots and replace them with a pair of flat shoes.

The door opening once more caught her attention.

"You're late."

The person waited until they were sat opposite her before they spoke.

"Was she suspicious?"

She shook her head.

"She had no idea."

They looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Who did you say you were?"

"I said my name was May."

"An anagram? Nice work."

She shot him a disapproving look.

"It felt horrible."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, Howard was in no mood for talking."

She leant back in her chair.

"She is aware that Howard and Bernadette aren't her birth parents."

"Does she know about us?"

"Nope."

"Hmmm"

"Hmmm what?"

He gestured to her fourth finger on her left hand.

"You're not wearing it."

She reached into her pocket and produced a silver engagement ring and slipped it on.

"It's a perfect fit."

"I should think so. Let me tell you, getting the neatly stacked clump of carbon, shaped like a tiara was no easy task.


	5. Chapter 5

Penny lay out on her sofa with her baby son asleep on her lap and a photo album in her hand.

"You'll look after me wont you Lenny? I need my baby boy now I've not got my girls."

She turned another page of the album reminding her of when they were all together. She didn't often speak of Amy and Bernadette.

When Amy and Sheldon left, the group never openly spoke about them. It was only once they were behind closed doors when it was just her and Leonard that they would dare raise the subject.

Penny had found herself incredibly surprised by Leonard's reaction to Sheldon leaving. He had always complained about his over the top rules and weird habits but he was the one that took it the hardest when he left.

When he left, he didn't say where he was going nor did he get in touch. Leonard would range from angry where he would rant about how selfish Sheldon had been, to inconsolable over losing his best friend and roommate.

Leonard hadn't wanted to feel anything other than anger and disappointment towards Sheldon, after all his actions were selfish and heartless. However much he tried to persuade himself into feeling this, it was impossible; he missed him daily and worried about him constantly.

It wasn't the fact that he was no longer around that had hurt him. It was the not knowing where he was.

She ran her fingers through Lenny's hair. Smiling to herself as he softly slept, thumb in mouth and without a care in the world.

"You know, your auntie Bernadette would've loved to have seen how cute you've gotten."

Three knocks on the door caused Lenny to wake up.

He rubbed at his eyes and pointed to the door.

"Clare?"

"No Sweetie, not quite."

"Penny?"

The little boy upon hearing the voice looked up at his mother in surprise.

A further three knocks came.

"Penny?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. His door knocking routine was not something she had missed.

After the third time she placed Lenny down and went to open the door.

"What up moon pie?"

Ignoring her question he strode into the apartment and walked over to the sofa, lifting Lenny out of his spot before sitting down.

The young child seemed undeterred by his actions and crawled over before climbing onto his lap.

Penny watched on, a smile slowly gracing her lips.

"Awww Sheldon he likes you."

She waited for the inevitable moment where he would push him off, however to her surprise he made no effort to move him.

She suppressed the urge to question him and took a seat next to him.

"Leonard called. He's been looking for you."

"Odd."

"How so?"

He shook his head as if she should've known.

"Well you'd think a man of his intellect would've concluded that if he wanted to find me, it would be my phone he would have to call."

She bit her tongue in restraint.

"He did."

He reached into his pocket and checked his phone.

"How bout that? Six missed calls."

She shook her head, reaching out for the photo album once more.

"So I hear you spoke to Howard?"

He quickly brushed over the subject.

"What have you got there?"

"Oh it's just uh... its nothing really... sometimes I just like to..."

Passing Lenny back over to her, he pulled the album onto his lap and studied the picture she had been looking at.

She peered over his shoulder.

"That was taken a few hours after Lenny was born."

He merely nodded taking in the details.

Penny was in the middle sat up in bed wearing a hospital gown with her newborn baby in her arms and to her right was Leonard perched on the edge of the bed, with his arm around her and a wide grin on his face.

Over to the right stood Beverly with a look of horror on her face, Sheldon put this down to the fact that Raj had wrapped himself around her. He guessed this sudden impulsive action was the fault of the bottle of champagne he had in his hand.

He slowly brought his eyes over to the left again. Stood to the other side of Leonard and Penny was Howard, Bernadette and Clare.

Clare stood in the middle of them, he noted straight away how much smaller they seemed by having her next to them. She had her arms wrapped around both parent's waists and was smiling brightly for the camera.

Neither Howard nor Bernadette was looking at the camera neither did they seem to have any interest in the new born baby. Instead they were both looking up at Clare.

He turned to face Penny.

"I'm not one for reading emotions but that look Wolowitz has in his eyes, I'm guessing adoration? Devotion?"

She ran her finger's through Lenny's hair, bouncing him up and down.

"Maybe you'd understand it, maybe if you'd have at least tried, you would understand."

"Tried what?"

She sighed to herself, even after all these years he had seemingly stayed exactly the same. She pondered over how she could move the conversation along, in the end she gestured to the picture of Bernadette.

"She looked so happy there, she had no idea that in just over a year she would be..."

"My condolences."

A look of anger flashed in Penny's eyes.

"That amazing woman gave the last fourteen years of her life to raising the child that you were too flawed to love and all you can say is my condolences?

"It seemed a perfectly standard method of comforting someone who had just suffered bereavement."

She exhaled loudly, pulling Lenny closer to her. It had been so long since she had seen Sheldon, that over the past few days of having him back in her life, she had had to readjust to the way he was. She knew he hadn't meant to be deliberately insensitive.

"I know. It's just kinda hard to accept she's gone."

He thought for a moment, trying to work out what the best thing to say.

"There, there. Who's a good Penny?"

She relaxed into a laugh before picking up the album again.

"Sheldon sweetie, I wanna ask you something."

"Alright."

She turned the pages until she found the picture she was looking for before passing it over.

He looked at it and brought his eyes up to meet hers.

"It's not really a question more a presentation."

"Talk about her."

"What's there to say that you don't already know?"

"Sheldon she left before you did, when you left it was obviously to find her and yet you've been here almost a week and you haven't said a word about her."

He paused for a moment considering her words.

"Irrelevant."

"Irrelevant?"

"Yes, what possible gain is there from knowing Amy Farrah Fowler's exact whereabouts?"

"Peace of mind, maybe?"

"Dear Lord. Oh Penny, Penny, Penny. You really do come out with some ridiculous statements."

Shifting Lenny over onto her hip she got to her feet and pointed at Sheldon accusingly.

"That's it, that's it right there."

"Are you going anywhere with this? Honestly Penny you really need to stop babbling."

"Yes I am going somewhere with this."

"Go on."

"You just can't care, Amy was my best friend and she just left and now after fourteen years, you could be the one to tell me what happened to her but you won't."

"Penny I hardly..."

She cut him off mid sentence.

"You know I'm right and that's why you left."

He stared down at the ground focusing on a stain that marked the carpet.

She wasn't going to stop there.

"She was less than a week old and you couldn't even bring yourself to hold her."

He got to his feet suddenly angry.

"Then maybe giving her to someone who could was the most logical conclusion. Granted he only had a master's degree but that was something he was better at than me and that doesn't happen often."

She nervously chewed her bottom lip unsure of how to respond, eventually after a few seconds of silence Sheldon cleared his throat and made his way out the door.

"If you'll excuse me, I have some thinking to do."


	6. Chapter 6

Sheldon Copper rubbed his neck, the night before had been sleepless and uncomfortable.

Amy looked up from her breakfast.

"Are you alright?"

"What sort of a question is that? Of course I'm not alright"

"You chose to sleep here last night."

He rolled his eyes, placing down his spoon as he did so.

"I'm not questioning my decision. I just don't much care for hotel mattresses that don't give adequate lumbar support or thermostat levels that are way too high for my liking and don't even get me started on the people next door with their TV volume."

Finishing off her toast she placed down her napkin and after a moment of thought she decided to change the subject.

"May I make an observation?"

"By all means."

"Something's bothering you and it's over something that happened after you left the diner."

"Nonsense, I merely thought that after your encounter with Clare, you would be in need of some company."

"Most people would say that was sweet however I know how selfish and inconsiderate you are."

"It was a bit uncalled for don't you think?"

"Maybe so, yet I know you had no regard for whether I was upset about it at the time."

He opened his mouth to talk however he was stopped short by a female voice from behind.

"She's right. If you weren't selfish, right now I would be a Memaw to beautiful fourteen year old girl."

Sheldon wasn't usually an expert in reading people however on this occasion it was clear for him to notice how the usually kind and gentle voice had a cold edge to it.

Instead of turning to face her, he kept his eyes on Amy.

"You called her?"

Ignoring his statement she got to her feet and made her way over to where the woman was stood.

"Mrs Cooper. Thanks for coming."

"Well Amy thanks for calling, its obvious Shelly here wouldn't have."

Sheldon stood up from the table and pushed his chair in.

"My God this is absurd, the terms of the agreement are that you get a once monthly phone call and a twice yearly visit on dates of your choosing. Under the conditions that you have zero contact with myself and Amy's progeny and that you deny any knowledge of our whereabouts."

Mary took a deep breath, in attempts to control the emotion that threatened to brim over. When he was younger and had complained about her parenting, she always used to tell him that he would one day understand when he had kids of his own.

She knew all along that she was fooling herself with those words. Secretly she feared that he would never be fully equipped for a role like that, however she hadn't prepared herself for the fact he rejected his child in the way that he had.

She had envisioned that he would simply never have children or if he did he would've needed a lot of extra help and support. In all the scenarios she played out, not once did she ever imagine that he wouldn't even try.

"Shelly don't you go talking like that, I'm your mother and I want to see you more than twice a year."

Sheldon looked away from her, focusing on the door.

"If you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be."

Keeping his eyes on the door the whole time he placed one foot in front of the other and took long strides across the room, making a quick exit.

Neither Amy nor Mary followed him however his mother wad determined to get her point across.

"I'm not going to leave. As long as you're here, I will not give up on you."

She didn't care how loud she had shouted nor did it matter to her that a few fellow guests looked up from their tables due to the attention she had attracted. All that mattered was that he heard.

"You know his hearing is pretty good, it wasn't necessary to yell."

She sighed and turned to face Amy once more, placing a hand on her arm and guiding her back to the table and taking a seat.

"What are you doing back here honey? It's been so long, why now?"

Amy held up her left hand for her to see the ring.

"It was more for me than it was for him."

Mary painted on a small smile for her, she was undecided on whether the younger woman was talking about the engagement or wanting to see their child.

"Well isn't that just..."

"It has taken us fourteen years to get here, it wasn't easy. You of all people should know what he was like."

Mary's features softened as she reached out and stroked her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Oh Amy, I don't doubt he loves you but he still seems to me like the same man who handed his baby over to his friend and jumped on a plane without a second thought."

Amy furiously shook her head, batting her hand away as she did so.

"No, no you're wrong."

"You remember what I told you a short while after Clare was born?"

Amy stared down at the ground and slowly nodded her head, unwilling to make eye contact with her.

"I love Shelly with all my heart but I still stand by it and unless I see anything that proves otherwise I shall continue to stand by it."

Amy brought her head up and made direct eye contact with her future mother in law.

"Alright."

"Alright what?"

"I will show you something that disproves your theory."

"I'm his mother, I know that boy inside and out."

"So tell me what do you think he's doing right now?"

She shrugged.

"Who knows? He's most probably working out some sort of sciencey type equation on that board of his."

"I know. I know what he's doing."

"Then show me."

She merely nodded, getting to her feet and gesturing to the door.

Mary followed on as Amy walked along the corridors of the hotel and up two flights of stairs until she eventually came to a stop outside one of the rooms.

"So is this where you've been staying?"

She slotted the key card into the slot and nodded.

"None of the others know I'm back."

Pushing open the door the two women stepped into the dark hotel room. Allowing Mary to step in, she closed the door behind them and walked over to the curtains, pulling them open which allowed the sunlight to flood in.

Letting her eyes come back into focus, it took her a few seconds before she could properly see her son.

He was sat on the bed, looking straight ahead with his eyes focused on the wall.

She took a step closer to him.

"Shelly?"

"He gets like this sometimes, not often but it happens."

Mary walked around so she was stood in front of him. She was expecting to see a blank look in his eyes, she hadn't seem him show any real emotion since he was a child and she hadn't expected anything different on that occasion.

She took a step back in surprise, unsure of how to react.

"Do you still stand by what you said now?"

Mary merely looked on, unable to reply.

Amy shook her head, lowering herself down onto the bed next to him before reaching into her pocket for a tissue and passing it over to him.

"Thank you Amy." He sniffed wiping away the moisture the stained his cheeks.

"I'm guessing you have been thinking it over again?"

"You would be correct."

Mary clasped her hand over her mouth. Her son crying was a rare sight, at times she would've believed that he was no longer capable.

"Oh Shelly, I honestly thought you didn't love her."

He wiped at his eyes once more.

"Oh mother you really don't understand and I doubt you ever will."

"That's because you never talk to me, you've never expressed how you felt!"

"I'm only going to say this once. God knows I never thought I would ever hear myself say this but Penny was right."

"About what?"

"She said yesterday that I was too flawed to love her and for once she was right."

Mary nervously chewed her bottom lip, once more unable to provide a response.

He proceeded onwards.

"Being my offspring she was naturally going to be like me in many ways, I would've thought she would be highly intelligent like me but maybe if she was brought up in a different environment she could have a chance at being happy."

A look of horror came across her face.

"So what was this some sort of experiment, are you back for the results?"

Amy sprung to her feet a look venom burning in her eyes.

"How could you say such a thing?""

"No, I'm sorry it came out wrong."

"We didn't mean for it to happen, it just did."

Sheldon raised his hand to signal her to stop.

"Amy let me handle this. Mom don't be ridiculous what possible benefit would a psychology experiment have for my work on theoretical physics?"

"I'm sorry I went too far, it's just I can't understand the way you think anymore."

Amy stepped in.

"We're getting married soon, she is a huge part of both of us and we want her to be there."

"Which will be kinda tricky now that Amy assumed a false identity to talk to her."

"We can think of a way around this."

"There's no explaining why you said your name was May, unless we tell her the truth."

Mary spoke up once more.

"Well Jesus would never protest to someone telling the truth."

"Thanks, but I think we need a more sturdy basis for this than what would Jesus do?"

"Looks like you would still have to put smart mouth on your clay pigeon."

A look of confusion came across Amy's face.

"Clay pigeon?"

"Irrelevant."

Mary placed her hand on his shoulder only to have it shrugged off.

"Listen Shelly this is going to need to be thought about and although clever you may be, I know that this type of thing goes right over your head."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that you're going to need my help."

"I hardly think that..." He started before being cut off.

"No arguments."

He crossed his arms and lay back down onto the bed in defeat, muttering to himself as he did so.

"So what was with all those tears I saw? You can't tell me those were for nothing."

Amy leant in, a smile slowly gracing her lips.

"Maybe he isn't as flawed as he first thought."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter is set a couple of days after the last.**

Leonard Hofstader couldn't concentrate, it had been just over two days since he last saw his best friend and he was worried.

"Are you going to do some work today or are you just going to stare at your phone?"

Startled, Leonard looked up to face the voice. He had been deep in thought and had temporarily forgotten she was there.

"Yeah like you do any work."

"Oooh somebody's touchy today, having marital problems?"

"Lesley, you know I'm not married."

"So that's your problem then?"

"No, no me and Penny are fine."

"Well just saying she's been just your girlfriend for an awfully long time."

Leonard picked up his notes and pretended to read. Lesley was right she had been his girlfriend for a long while and he was happy with it that way.

They had a son and lived together. Why risk it with another proposal that might be rejected?

Leonard had never really gotten over the rejection he received all those years ago and as a result he had been unable to raise the question again and would often clam up whenever anyone else mentioned it.

Lesley spoke up once more, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Hey I know what it is."

He rolled his eyes looking up from the notes.

"Oh you do, do you?"

"You're thinking Oh hell, is he lying face down in a ditch somewhere?"

"Excuse me?"

"About six foot, completely nuts, looks a lot like a certain fourteen year old we all know."

A look of panic flashed in Leonard's eyes.

"Shhhh."

"What? I did work here when Doctor Dumb-Ass finally figured out what went where."

"It wasn't as simple as that."

She snorted with laughter.

"Oh yeah, we all know about the night of Sheldon's..."

Leonard held his hand up to signal her to stop.

"I know what happened. You don't have to remind me."

"So where is he anyway?"

He sighed to himself, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his eyes.

"I haven't seen him in days, he and Penny had words and he took off."

"Hey don't feel bad, I'm sure if you wait another fourteen years he'll show up again."

"Was that honestly the best you could come up with?"

"Under the circumstances and considering who we're talking about, I feel that was quite optimistic."

He shook his head in disbelief, getting to his feet and pushing his chair back in.

"Twice in fourteen years, I just can't catch a break where he's concerned."

He strode down the corridors, his anger becoming evermore present. He had been a mixture of raging angry, inconsolably heartbroken and worried sick for the past fourteen years and it was all over the one man who probably hadn't given him a second thought.

Eventually after a few minutes of walking aimlessly around the university he found himself at Sheldon's old office. It had been left empty after his departure, due to nobody else being willing to occupy it after the discovery of the imperfections that had driven the previous occupants mad.

Once in there he let his guard down and the volcano of anger that he had been suppressing finally erupted.

"I was asleep for like ten minutes." He cried out, backing up against the wall and sliding down onto the floor.

He pulled his knees up to his chin and buried his head in them.

Seemingly out of nowhere a pattern of three knocks that he had once been oh so familiar with, broke through the atmosphere.

"Leonard?"

He quickly scrambled to his feet. The first time that Sheldon left, Leonard always used to imagine he had heard the knocks on the door but every time it would always be just that, his mind playing cruel tricks.

The knocks were repeated once more. He had heard them loud and clear. This was no illusion.

"Leonard?"

He held his breath waiting for the third and final set. If they came, he could be sure that it was real.

After what seemed a lifetime, the pattern was completed.

"Leonard?"

Relief overriding anger he rushed to the door and pulled it open, flinging his arms around him as he did so.

"Oh God where have you been?"

Sheldon immediately tensed up, making no effort to return the gesture of affection.

"Leonard control yourself, you need to stop letting your emotions get the better of you."

Suddenly embarrassed, Leonard released his tight grip and took a step backwards.

"Right uh sorry, I didn't think."

Ignoring his friend's apology he moved the conversation along, relating back to Leonard's previous outburst.

"If it makes you feel any better, that night I would've left regardless of your state of consciousness."

"You really have no idea how it felt. I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up to find you gone, then there was total radio silence for fourteen years."

"And that makes you...?"

"Pretty pissed off, a little angry maybe, but mostly hurt."

Sheldon paused for a second, slowly shaking his head and considering Leonard's words.

"I see."

Leonard looked pleasantly surprised by this, although he still maintained a degree of doubt.

"Do you?"

"Yes."

His yes was unconvincing, even after all this time Leonard could still tell when Sheldon was lying.

"Sure you do."

"Sarcasm?"

"You're getting better at that."

"Why thank you, I have been practicing."

Leonard relaxed into a laugh, offering Sheldon a smile.

"Despite everything, I have missed you."

"And why wouldn't you? I am a very interesting man, between living with me and living with Penny there is really no contest."

"Modest too."

Outside the door two familiar voices caused Leonard to panic.

"Damn it Clare, there are no words to tell you exactly how disappointed I am with you right now."

"How about not at all? Or a little? Maybe moderately? You could say you were very disappointed or perhaps extremely disappointed?"

"I'm in no mood for clever talk."

"I was just trying to help."

"What would your ma say? Is she was still here what would she think about you skipping classes?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh we're talking about it."

"I propose we settle this with a game of rock, paper, scissors, Lizard, Spock."

"No we will not."

" Right so the rules are; Scissors cuts paper, Paper covers rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes Rock. And as always Rock crushes Scissors"

"Clare this is serious."

"Yes I know so listen very carefully, you don't want to get this wrong. Scissors cuts paper, Paper covers rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes Rock. And as always Rock crushes Scissors"

"Clare I will not play your silly game."

"Then you're a mean, mean person."

"You had chocolate milk and eggos for breakfast, I seem to remember you calling me the best dad in the universe back then."

"Didn't you know daddy? It's a girl's prerogative to change her mind?"

"Stop fluttering your eye lashes, its not going to work."

"You're smiling and your eyes have a look of adoration in them"

"Damn it."

"Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?"

Leonard zoned out from listening to the conversation outside and took a long look at Sheldon. Sometimes it worried him how similar she was to him. It had often puzzled him how alike they were, considering they had never spent any significant amount of time in each other's company.

He had been so deep in thought that he hadn't realised that his phone was ringing.

"Leonard is that you?"

He mentally cursed himself for having such a distinguishable ring tone.

"Hey Howard, uh don't come in."

"Why not?"

"Well uh um, well uh."

"Oh no Uncle Leonard is in trouble."

"No really Clare, I'm fine."

"That's what they want us to believe."

Before Leonard could protest further Clare burst through the door. She looked around the room a few times.

"Oh you really are fine."

Sheldon brought his eyes up to meet Howard's, noting the other man's horror at the fact him and Clare were in the same room.

Clare suddenly let out a gasp and with that the gaze was broken and all eyes were on the awe struck teenager who had her hand clasped over her mouth in amazement.

"You're Doctor Sheldon Cooper aren't you?"

Before Sheldon could reply Howard lightly took hold of her arm pulling her in closer to him.

"How do you know who he is?" He asked trying to keep his voice at a calm level.

She turned her head so she was looking at Sheldon.

"You are my absolute idol, I have read all of your papers and your work on string theory is remarkable."

Once more Sheldon found himself unable to reply when Leonard stepped in.

"You never mentioned anything?"

"Well the thing is he hasn't published anything new in nearly fifteen years, according to the files he left Pasadena and slipped off the radar so it may seem."

Sheldon nodded in agreement.

"That would be correct, although my work is still ongoing it's just not as active as it once was."

"It is an absolute honour to meet you Doctor Cooper, how you never won a Nobel prize is beyond me."

"Tell me about it."

"I'm constantly intrigued by how quickly your work went quiet, the year before you were always bringing out new studies and then there was a period of nine months where it started to dwindle until finally it stopped completely."

Howard pulled open the door and took her by the hand.

"C'mon Clare. Doctor Cooper is a very busy man, he doesn't have time for all your questions."

"But Dad."

"No buts, we're going home."

He shuffled her outside and slammed the door shut.

Sheldon waited until their footsteps faded down the corridor.

"Considering she's been brought up by someone with only a master's degree, it's refreshing to see that her intelligence hasn't taken a knock."


	8. Chapter 8

"Leonard seriously how are we meant to have a night out, when you're pushing a stroller?"

Leonard rolled his eyes and turned to face Raj.

"How is getting drunk, gonna solve Howard's problems?"

"We're not looking for a solution, just something that will distract him from the fact that his daughter is freakishly Sheldonish for a few hours."

Leonard brought the stroller to a standstill, raising his eyebrow as he did so.

"Freakishly Sheldonish?"

"You know what I mean."

"Uh no, I can't say I do."

Raj threw his hands up in the air to emphasise the point.

"Oh c'mon."

Leonard turned his attention back to Lenny who was turned around in the stroller, looking up at them in curiosity.

Deciding to drop the subject Leonard pushed it forward and continued walking.

"I'm just saying, I don't think making him drink a load of alcohol is the way forward."

"Dude, who says anything about making him? The state he's in, he'd gladly down a shot or ten."

"Even so, I just think that he needs someone to talk this through with."

"And when has that ever worked?"

"I think we owe it to him to at least try."

Raj started to drag his feet, shooting him a look of desperation accompanied by a tone of sulking in his voice.

"But I don't want to."

"He's your best friend."

"Do you remember the last time? Or was it so bad you blocked it out completely?"

"Well uh."

Raj attempted his best impression of Howard.

"Her surname is Wolowitz but you know sometimes when I look at her all I see is the shamy, does that make me a bad person?"

Leonard snorted with laughter, which in turn caused Lenny to break out into a giggle.

"That impression was so bad it was almost good.

Lenny clapped his little hands together, kicking his feet as he did so.

Raj looked into the stroller.

"Even I got to admit, that was pretty sweet."

Arriving at the porch of their destination, Raj bent down and helped the Leonard carry the stroller up the steps.

"Right, so where are we taking him? Vegas again? I'm sure there's gotta be some type of child care available so we can off load Lenny for the night."

Leonard crossed his arms, shooting him a look of disapproval.

"Yeah sure, I hear in Vegas that crèches are quite commonly found in between casinos and cabaret shows."

Raj sighed and pressed the door bell.

"Right fine, but I don't see you coming up with anything better."

After a few seconds a loud and booming voice could be heard, causing Leonard and Raj to step backwards in surprise.

"DAD THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR!"

"NO WAY, SO THAT'S WHAT THAT BUZZING NOISE MEANT, I HAD NO IDEA."

"ALRIGHT MR SARCASTIC.

Raj and Leonard turned to another, giving each other looks of bemusement.

"Is it me or does she sound a lot like..."

Leonard slowly nodded his head.

"Yeap I hear it too, it still freaks me out how one girl's voice can get that deep."

"Well at least she has no trouble recognising sarcasm."

"WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER IT?"

"BECAUSE I'M ON THE TOILET"

"NOBODY WANTED TO HEAR THAT."

Leonard and Raj awkwardly shifted their eyes to the ground in embarrassment.

"JUST ANSWER THE FREAKING DOOR."

"WHAT IF IT'S A SEX CRIMINAL?"

"YOU'RE NEARLY SIX FOOT! YOU'LL SCARE THEM OFF NO TROUBLE."

"IS THAT A REFERENCE TO MY HEIGHT?"

"ANSWER THE DOOR OR I'M NOT TAKING YOU TO COMIC CON THIS YEAR."

The sound of thundering footsteps dashed across the hall and the door was open within a second.

"Hi Uncle Leonard, Uncle Raj."

"Hey Clare is your dad in?"

Raj laughed.

"Do you really need to ask?"

Clare looked at him accusingly.

"Uncle Raj have you consumed alcohol tonight?"

"What gave me away?"

Leonard rolled his eyes, repeating his previous statement.

"Do you really need to ask?"

"CLARE WHO IS IT? WERE YOU RIGHT?"

She turned around to face the voice, her own deepening in tone once more.

"NO. IT'S UNCLE LEONARD AND UNCLE RAJ.

"WHAT DO THEY WANT?"

"THEY'RE HERE TO SEE YOU."

"BUT WHY HAVE THEY CALLED ROUND?"

"WHAT IS THIS, TWENTY QUESTIONS?"

"WOULD YOU JUST ASK THEM?"

She turned back around to face them, changing her voice back to its normal pitch.

"He says why have you called round?"

Leonard picked a restless Lenny up into his arms.

"Well uh we were just out for a walk and we thought we'd come see how you were both doing."

"Oh right I see what this is but I assure you I have taken a few precautionary measures to avoid any unfortunate incidents."

"I'm sorry, what now?"

"Well for starters I've confiscated his belt, blunted all the sharp objects and hidden the key to the medicine cabinet."

A look of disbelief came across Leonard's face.

"I don't think you needed to go that far."

"I can assure you it was completely necessary. Granted at times it's proved a bit of a hindrance for instance when his trousers fell down or when he had that peanut reaction last week."

"Peanut reaction?"

"Oh holy crap, it was freaky. His tongue swelled up like you wouldn't believe."

Before anything more could be said the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs brought the discussion to an abrupt close.

"Clare are you going to let them in?"

Doing as her father ordered she stepped to the side, opening the door wider for them to enter.

"Can I leave the stroller out there?"

"Okay but bring Lenny in."

"I intended to."

"Just checking."

Moving swiftly onwards Leonard and Raj stepped in and shut the door behind them. Howard offered them a confused smile.

"So what's with the drop in?"

"We wanted to see if you wanted to come to Las Ve..."

Leonard elbowed him cutting him off mid sentence before rephrasing.

"We wanted to see how you and Clare were getting on."

"What he means is, they're checking in to make sure our lives haven't fallen apart and spiralled into hopelessness and despair because of mom."

"Well that's not quite how we would have worded it."

Once more the conversation was cut short, this time it was by a furious knock on the door.

Howard made his way over to open it.

"Alright, alright I'm coming."

The caller waited for no invitation to be let in as they stormed in, walking into the centre of the room.

Leonard and Raj watched on in open mouthed shock.

Clare was the first to find her voice.

"May? What are you doing here?"

Howard spoke up from where he was stood.

"First doctor whack-a- doodle and now you, is this some kind of a sick joke?"

Ignoring Howard she turned to face Clare.

"I may have deceived you when I told you my name was May and for that I apologise."

"You mean you've met her before her?"

Clare diverted her gaze from Amy to face Howard.

"Yeah, it was just the once I swear and I didn't tell her anything."

He looked suspicious.

"I can tell when you're lying, what have you said?"

Three knocks came upon the door.

"Amy? Don't do anything stupid."

Before the set was repeated he was interrupted.

"Just open it Shelly."

The door swung open and Mary pulled her son into the house. He glanced back at the door in annoyance that his pattern had been disrupted, however the look off his mother prompted him to speak.

"Amy, this is not what we agreed."

"Well I've had it, I want to tell her."

Howard shot her a look of pleading.

"Please think about what you're doing."

"She already knows, she doesn't know who her parents are but she knows who aren't."

Clare diverted her eyes to the ground, clasping her hand over her mouth in horror.

"How could you? I trusted you."

Howard found his voice and looked over at her.

"How long have you known?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Mom told me before she died."

He glanced the family photograph on the mantelpiece.

"But why?"

"Because she wasn't her mother, that's why."

"Amy stop."

"No Sheldon, I can't keep pretending."

"This wasn't part of the plan, you have violated the agreement."

Clare walked over to where Amy was stood.

"Who are you and what do you want? What do you want from me?"

Amy reached out and ran her fingers through Clare's hair before taking off her glasses.

"You get your bad eye sight from me and the brown hair that's from me too."

Clare reached out and grabbed her glasses back, taking a step away from her.

"Shut up, just shut up."

Amy continued regardless. She gestured to Sheldon.

"And that's why you're so tall."

The whole room suddenly fell silent. Clare took a moment of pause. She looked at Amy and then brought her gaze over to Sheldon.

"You're sick, absolutely sick. Stay away from me."

Howard walked towards her.

"Clare, I'm so..."

"No! I don't wanna talk to you either."

She left no time for argument. Instead she turned on her heel and ran from the house, slamming the door behind her.

**A/N: Thank you for all your comments so far, a few lines to let me know what you think is always appreciated. **

**In the next chapter I will start to explain exactly what happened all those years ago and how they ended up here.**

**One final note: Just for fun, are you Team Shamy or Team Howard? (If twilight fans do it, then so can we.) **


	9. Chapter 9

The door slammed shut and the sound echoed through the whole house, bouncing off the walls and shaking the ornaments.

There was a moment of still as each of them tried to comprehend the scene that had unfolded a few seconds previously. Each of them held their breath in nervous apprehension of the inevitable fallout that was due to come.

Lenny buried his head in his father's jacket, placing his little hands over his ears to block out what was happening. With little understanding of what had just had happened, he couldn't work out why the adults around him were so angry.

Amy exhaled loudly allowing her shoulder's to slump, she hadn't thought about the consequences before she arrived, although now she was wishing she had taken a different tact. Hoping for some form of reassurance she turned her head to face Sheldon, only to be met with a look of haughty derision, which silently screamed I told you so.

Mary reached out and placed a comforting hand on her son's arm, which was promptly shrugged off.

Raj was the only one who dared look at Howard. He noted how his eyes were fixated on the door almost as if he was expecting her to walk back in at any moment. He could tell that he was overwhelmed, he knew all to well that Clare finding out the truth was his worst nightmare and now it had happened.

Howard slowly brought his eyes away from the door to look at Sheldon. A wave intense anger suddenly hit him, the one person that served as a cruel reminder of who his daughter really was, stood before him and he couldn't stand it.

"You bastard."

And with that the silence was broken. He left no time for thought, he strode over to where he was stood and flung himself at him, causing him to stagger back slightly.

It was clear the sudden act of aggression had hardly made an impact on Sheldon due to the height difference. It didn't matter to Howard. It felt good, almost as if the control was back on his side.

The adrenaline pumped through his body like an intense feeling of energy and there was no controlling it.

He wanted to; shout, scream, rant and rave anything to release the pressure.

"She's not yours, never has been, never will be." He screamed out as loud as his lungs would allow.

He wasn't a violent person, yet something inside of him had snapped. If there was on thing he was willing to fight for it was Clare. She was his little girl and they were a threat to her happiness. He had worked hard over the years to raise her right, to make sure she didn't develop any obsessive habits and now they had returned and not knowing their intentions terrified him.

Sheldon made no effort to respond or fight back, this only served to anger him further.

There was no way he could've hit him across the face, so instead he brought his foot up, slamming it down onto his toes.

Raj was the first one to react, rushing over and wrenching Howard away from him.

"Dude just let it go."

Despite being fought against, Raj kept a tight hold on him. Pulling him over to the other side of the room and throwing him down onto the sofa.

Defeated, Howard pulled his arm way and sat up on the sofa, burying his head in his hands as he did so. Raj placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a brief squeeze.

Over the other side of the room, Leonard readjusted Lenny on hip, rubbing his back in attempts to comfort the distressed toddler. He glanced over to the sofa where Howard was before bringing his gaze over to Sheldon, who was clutching at his foot in pain.

He was torn. Instinct was telling him to go to Sheldon to check he was ok, loyalty to Howard was telling him to stay put. In the end he bit down on his tongue in restraint and left him to Amy and Mary.

He placed his hand into his pocket and ran his thumb over his phone. Penny would be finishing work soon, he needed to call her.

Howard unsteadily got to his feet, gripping the arm of the sofa for support.

"I need to go after her."

Raj shook his head, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and pushing him back down into the sitting position.

"No, no way. You heard her, she wants them to stay away from her and she doesn't want to talk to you either."

Howard gritted his teeth, shooting him a venomous look.

"Then what do you expect me to do?"

"You're going to stay here and cool off, I'll go find her."

Howard slowly nodded in agreement. Raj offered him a small smile and made his way towards the front door. Howard suddenly sprung to his feet just as Raj halfway out the door.

"Raj?"

He turned to face him and waited for the statement.

"Just tell her I love her, yeah?"

"She already knows."

"Tell her anyway. I'll tell her everyday if needs be, just get her to come back to me."

He slowly nodded before turning to Sheldon and Amy.

"Anything you want to say?"

Sheldon shook his head.

"What could we possibly say? I don't see how Wolowitz's approach of declaring his chemical reactions, would do anything to improve the scenario."

Leonard looked up and cleared his throat.

"If I were you, I'd skip over that part when you see her."

Wordlessly he stepped out and closed the door behind him. It seemed a mystery to him how one person could take that attitude towards their own child.

Despite the detached attitude he always used to have, there was something about him that struck Raj as different. It had been fourteen years and he hardly aged at all, yet he still seemed different

The way he was dressed now seemed a lot plainer than what it was before, gone were the superhero t-shirts and in their place were plain white, button up shirts accompanied with a tie and jacket .Which although were age appropriate they made him seem pretty non descript.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts he made his was to the bottom of the garden. He considered himself to be a pretty good godfather, after watching her grow up over the years he was pretty clued up on all her habits. With this in mind he made his way over to the tree house, confident that he would find her there.

Arriving at the rope ladder, He paused. It had been a good few years since he had climbed it last. Prior to placing his foot on the first rung, he gave it a rough tug to test its strength.

Satisfied that it would hold him, he climbed on. His weight caused the ladder to swing back and forth. He curled his fingers around the rope to save himself from the fall and after waiting a few seconds for it to steady he move upwards once more.

"Seriously, I'm too old for this."

Reaching halfway he ignored the urge to look down. The rope over the years had been badly weathered and was beginning to fray. That thought was unsettling enough as it was, without being made aware of how far he would fall if the rope did give in.

He brought his eyes up and focused on his goal of reaching the top. Motivated by this, he climbed further.

After pausing several times, he reached the top and let out a sigh of relief. Cautiously he released his grip on the rope, bringing his hand over and clinging to the wooden base of the tree house Gathering up his strength as he flung himself into it.

He sat up and turned to face Clare who was looking at her watch.

"Took you four minutes and thirty two seconds, that's one heck of a long time considering there aren't that many rungs.

"Hey, it's been a while since I was last up here and it's not easy when it's swinging about all over the place."

"Have you considered that all those grasshoppers you downed before you came here may have affected your coordination?"

He wasn't going to retaliate, her voice wasn't filled with the same certainty it always had. It was clear to him that she was shaken up and was trying to distract herself.

She was sat with her legs drawn up to her chin and now had a pink cardigan wrapped around her, that she must have been keeping up in the tree house.

"Have I seen that before?"

She shrugged it off and hugged it closer to her chest.

"It was mom's. It used to remind me of her but now it just smells like me."

He shuffled over to where she was sat and took a place next to her.

"I miss her too you know."

She slowly nodded, leaning in and placing her head on his shoulder.

"She wouldn't have let this happen."

"Not without a fight and neither would your dad, he loves you."

"He does but what about him?" She asked, unable to voice his name.

"I've never fully understood him."

"I've read all of his work, he was just some theoretical physicist and I found everything he wrote remarkable but now you're saying he's my dad?"

"Uh yeah, I guess so."

"I don't understand, what was the link between him and dad?"

"We knew him for like nearly ten years, we worked with him and he was Uncle Leonard's roommate."

"I had no idea."

"Of course not, we wiped them from our lives as if they were never there. We had to."

"Because of me?"

"You had a better chance with Howard and Bernadette. We figured if you knew nothing about them you wouldn't end up like them."

"How'd that work out?"

"A lot of things that you do are like them, at times that's hard to get past and the things you don't do are over looked."

"The things I don't do?"

"Well for starters you don't feel the compulsive urge to belittle others around you, you're not insistent on sitting on a certain place on the couch, with the exception of the door knocking you don't feel the need to stick to a stupid routine and you don't freak out over so called germs."

She frowned, unable to see his point.

"No, no I don't."

He looked her up and down.

"Those brightly coloured jeans you wear."

"What about them?"

"If you were raised by those two, you would not dress like that."

"Yes I would, they're awesome."

"Howard seems to think so too."

She moved the discussion forwards.

"Tell me about them, what do you know about what happened?"

"Well I uh..."

"Please?"

"I can't tell you everything but I can tell you how it started."

_Flashback._

_Leonard looked at Howard in horror and disbelief._

"_No, absolutely not."_

"_Well you asked."_

"_Well I didn't think you'd actually suggest something that crazy."_

_He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag of pills, waving them in his face._

"_C'mon what's there to lose? The university have been distributing them out to willing participants for experimental purposes."_

_Raj, who had been watching on, broke his silence._

"_Don't do it Leonard. The last time I took part in one of those trials, I ended up stripping off in a coffee shop."_

"_Don't listen to him. I'm telling you they work, or if you don't believe me ask Bernadette."_

"_I don't know. Would I really go that far?"_

"_Well it depends."_

"_On what?"_

"_Whether you want to be man enough for Penny."_

_Raj rolled his eyes in disgust._

"_And what, taking some form of Viagra is going to do that. Is it?"_

"_Viagra? You underestimate it."_

"_Then what is it then?_

"_This has gotta be like three times the strength. Believe me, this would arouse a nun."_

_Leonard raised his eyebrow._

"_It just seems risky, what if I make a fool of myself?"_

"_Well the way I see it is, that no matter how much of a fool you make of yourself tonight, it will seem like nothing compared to that little proposal you made."_

_Raj nodded._

"_He has a point."_

"_I thought you were against him on this one?"_

"_I am. I'm just saying he had a point."_

"_Has a point about what?"_

_The three men turned to face the voice, which came from down the corridor._

"_Nothing Sheldon."_

_He shrugged making his way into the kitchen, filling up a glass of water._

_Howard slipped the bag back into his pocket whilst Raj and Leonard pretended to watch the television._

"_Is that Babylon 5?"_

_A look of annoyance flashed in Leonard's eyes._

"_It's date night. You won't even be in the apartment."_

_Sheldon walked into the living area, placing the glass down onto the coffee table._

"_Irrelevant, the rules clearly state that..."_

_To Leonard's relief, Sheldon's mobile started to ring._

"_Alright, I'll be out in a minute."_

_Placing the phone back into his pocket, he turned to face Leonard once more._

"_That would be Amy. Do not alter the thermostat whilst I'm out, I'll be able to tell if you do."_

"_Just go."_

_He gestured down the corridor._

"_It's chilly out. I can't go without my jacket."_

_Leonard watched him walk back to his room before he spoke again._

"_Pass me those, tonight I'm going to give Penny the night of her life."_

_Howard smiled._

"_How do you take it? Powder, pill or suppository?"_

"_Powder."_

_Howard reached over to the table, grabbing hold of the glass that Sheldon had discarded and placed a small amount of the powder in._

"_Put more in."_

"_Trust me, this is incredibly strong. You don't need a lot."_

_Leonard impatiently grabbed the bag and emptied its entire contents into the glass._

"_Are you crazy? You only need a tiny bit."_

"_I'm not leaving this to chance."_

"_Ok, don't say I didn't warn you."_

_Leonard picked up the glass, however Howard grabbing his arm stopped him from drinking._

"_What now?"_

"_You're not wearing superhero underwear are you? Because as we all know, nothing wrecks the mood like that does."_

_Leonard nodded, placing the glass back down and getting to his feet. Raj and Howard did the same following him down the corridor._

"_Honestly guys, you don't need to come with me."_

"_Oh yes we do, you've come this far and we're not letting you screw up now."_

_Raj nodded in agreement._

_After much deliberation, Raj, Howard and Leonard finally emerged from the bedroom._

"_So you're sure these will work?"_

"_Oh yeah totally, well it can't lessen your chances."_

_The sound of the front door closing was heard._

"_Looks like John and Yoko are off on their date."_

_Arriving in the living area, they stopped dead in their tracks._

_Raj was the first one to find his voice._

"_Is it me or was that glass full a minute ago?"_

_Leonard chewed nervously on his bottom lip, picking up the now empty glass and studying it._

"_Please tell me that one of you guys drank it."_

"_Like I said, you only need a bit. Do you think I'd be crazy enough to take that much?"_

_Leonard placed the glass down and glanced over at the door._

"_So when you say it's strong, how strong is strong?"_

"_If you take that much, you would be so up for it, that you'd gladly rub yourself up against a lamp post. If there was no alternative."_

"_Oh how I wish you were exaggerating."_

_There was a long silence before Leonard spoke again._

"_So had anyone got any logical explanations, other than Sheldon drank it?"_

_Howard and Raj looked at one another, before shrugging in defeat_

"_I was going to go with Sheldon drank it."_

"_Yeap, same here."_

_Leaving no time for thought, Leonard promptly sprinted across the room and out into the hall way._

"_Sheldon wait!"_

Raj trailed off and turned to face the shocked teenager.

"He got to the second flight of stairs and tripped on his own laces."

"So what happened next?"

"Well presumably they... you know... well anyway according to Leonard he came home the next day and muttered something about the relationship agreement being violated."

**A/N: Hi, thank you so much for all the reviews that I received last chapter! They are always appreciated.**

**Okay so the first part of the puzzle had been put into place. I got the inspiration from the episode where Raj took medication to help him talk to women.**

**The rest of the story will be set out like this, as each character tells her their own version of events until we have a full view of what happened. **

**On Saturday I'm going a way for a few weeks so I'm afraid after that I will have to take a short break from writing this however when I return it will be back to regular updates. **

**Ps: Is everyone still rooting for the same team they were last chapter?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hi all thank you so much for your patience I'm back now and hopefully updates will now be a lot quicker. Big thank you for everyone that reviewed last chapter it is always greatly appreciated and all your thoughts on the Howard, Shamy Clare situation have been really interesting, its great to see each side are all receiving sympathy, let me know how your thoughts change as the story progresses.**

Clare wriggled away from Raj's grip around her shoulder and got to her feet. She couldn't quite find any words to describe how she felt about what she had just heard however if she had to settle on one, she would go for cringe worthy.

"So Uncle Leonard couldn't spare two seconds to get a fresh glass of water?

Raj thought for a moment, at the time a glass of water that had been left out seemed so insignificant.

"Well uh, we didn't know that Sheldon planned to drink it."

"He got the glass from the kitchen and filled it up, you must have had a pretty good idea."

"Just a little note, when you're as sexually frustrated as Leonard was, little details like that just don't register."

She rammed her hands into her pockets and clenched her fists together.

"Well why didn't you say so? All is forgiven now that I know that Uncle Leonard was thinking with his ..."

Raj quickly interrupted.

"Hey why are you angry with me? I told Leonard not to listen to Howard."

"Why did dad have them on him in the first place?"

He got to his feet and walked over to where she was stood, placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder as he did so. He nervously chewed his lip before exhaling loudly.

"How do I say this? Put it this way back before you were born Howard was very... I mean he had a pretty high... he was obsessed with..."

Suddenly embarrassed he cleared his throat and took a step back. He brought his eyes up to meet hers in attempts of gaining some sort of response.

"I get the idea."

"Well there is no easy way of telling your best friend's kid that their father once had an unhealthy obsession with you know what."

Howard and Bernadette had always loved Clare for everything she was however the one trait they had always despaired of was her bluntness, she didn't think twice about stating her thoughts and at times it did her more harm than good.

"Coitus?"

"That's the one and if he asks, I didn't say anything."

"I guess not, after all this time none of you are strangers to lying. By this stage it's probably second nature."

Raj didn't even know where to start in responding to her statement. Leonard had told him about five years ago that he had prepared himself for this day and that he had worked out exactly what he would say to her if she asked. Raj at the time had dismissed it, he had never prepared because never in a million years did he predict that this day would ever come.

"It has been six months since you found out, don't tell me that you would rather have the shamy as your parents.

Clare opened her mouth to respond however no words were formed. Raj waited a moment, upon receiving silence he proceeded onwards.

If you did you would have told Howard everything you knew but you haven't because you couldn't stand the thought of losing him."

"The Shamy? What's the Shamy?"

"I make a deep and meaningful statement and all you picked up on was the word Shamy?"

"It doesn't sound like a word to me."

He exhaled loudly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. No matter what situation Clare found herself in, she always found a way of nitpicking at the tiny details.

"Sheldon and Amy, Shamy."

Without making eye contact, she moved onwards and made her way towards the rope ladder.

"Where are you going now?"

"I just don't want to be up here any longer."

"Right, go back to the house and then you can talk to your father."

She placed her foot on the ladder and started her climb downwards.

"And which father would that be?"

He kept his distance from the rope ladder, standing where he could see her yet taking care not to knock the un sturdy piece of rope.

"You know I mean Howard."

"And what about Doctor Cooper? Am I meant to talk to him?"

He paused whilst she clambered to the bottom and waited until she hopped off the ladder.

"I think you should speak to Howard first."

"I don't want to see any of them."

She didn't wait for his response, she simply turned on her heel and walked calmly down the garden path. She saw no reason to dash off, it would take him a while to get down from the tree house.

She shivered upon the cold air hitting her, a stray tear escaped from out the corner of her eye, which she promptly wiped away. She didn't want to feel emotion for the two strangers who had suddenly come crashing into her life and turned it upside down in a chaotic fashion.

Seeing them had as well as evoking a mix of confusion and anger had also brought a lot of relief, over the past six months they had played heavily on her mind. Now they were here in front of her and any illusions she may have been under over them would now either be proved or disproved.

Walking out the garden gate she found herself stopped in her tracks by the sound of a car horn. She quickly turned around to find her vision blinded by the fog lights flooding into her line of vision.

Rubbing at her eyes, she relied on her hearing for guidance. It wasn't long before the sound of a car window being rolled down was heard which was soon accompanied by a familiar female voice.

"Not so fast missy."

The fog lights were switched off allowing her eyesight to adjust to her surroundings to reveal the outline of her godmother.

In an instance her barrier dropped once more, sending her running into Penny's arms allowing herself to be enveloped into the comforting embrace.

Penny sighed to herself, taking hold of the young girl's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Leonard had phoned her to tell her what had happened.

Ever since Sheldon's sudden return she had been dreading this inevitable moment.

Penny guided her into the passenger seat of the car, adjusting the seat to make room for her long legs. Taking her place in the other side, she broke the silence.

"So what do you know?"

With a straight face and an emotionless voice, she told her. It was almost casual as if she was reciting a shopping list.

"My conception was a result of Viagra laced tap water."

With a sympathetic look in her eyes and a firm tone in her voice Penny turned to face her.

"Right two choices."

"And they are?"

"Number one we leave it at that; write it off as a humiliating experience, tell Sheldon and Amy to get lost and then we get on with our lives as if this never happened."

"And option two?"

"I tell you what I know."

A look of determination overcame Claire's features as she gave her definite nod of certainty.

"Go for it, don't hold back."

_Penny's Pov._

_Penny dragged her feet as she walked home from another tiresome shift. Her car had broken down and the bus had been delayed. _

_As the building came into view she picked up her pace to slow jog. Leonard had called her several times during the day and she was on her way around to see him, for the past few weeks he had been acting uneasy and she was hoping to get to the bottom of it._

_By the time she was outside the doors she had broken into a run. She raced up the three flights of steps, leaving her out of breath when she reached the top._

_She paused on the last step, she could hear arguing behind the door of Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. This was not an unusual occurrence, she was used to the bickering between her two neighbours however this time it seemed to be between Sheldon and Amy._

_The sound of the door flying open caused her to step back in surprise as Amy stormed out into the corridor._

"_Amy?"_

_Turning around to face her she smoothed down her hair and painted on a false smile._

"_Oh hey bestie."_

"_What was that all about?"_

"_Oh nothing it's silly really, Sheldon got me pregnant but apparently it's my fault." She said in a cheery tone desperately trying to mask her anger. _

_Penny's draw literally dropped as she clasped her hand over her mouth in shock._

"_You mean you two did it?"_

_The door flung open once more and out came Sheldon._

"_Amy she doesn't need to know the details."_

_Amy looked over to Penny._

"_He's embarrassed."_

"_I'm not embarrassed, I just don't appreciate a blabbermouth like Penny knowing."_

_Amy took a step towards the door and flung it open to reveal the rest of the group. Leonard was stood awkwardly in the middle of the sitting room whilst Howard and Raj were sat around the kitchen table with Bernadette perched on the edge of the sofa._

"_So who else is there left for her to tell?"_

_He turned on his heel and strode back into the apartment._

"_This subject is not for discussion."_

_His bedroom door slammed shut leaving a tense atmosphere hanging in the air as each of them tried to figure out what the best thing to say would be._

_Penny was the first to find her voice._

"_Is this another one of your gossip experiments?"_

_Leonard looked over at her and shook his head, she noted how pale he seemed to have become._

"_God, if only."_

_Amy crossed her arms and shot him a look of annoyance._

"_You're being very rude."_

"_Well how the hell do you expect him to be able to raise a kid? In what universe is he equipped for fatherhood?"_

"_He will be."_

"_How?"_

"_He'll come round I know he will."_

_Howard and Raj moved out into the hallway in attempts to control this situation._

"_Hey c'mon Leonard just take it easy."_

_Becoming evermore enraged, Leonard threw his hands up in the air to signal his despair._

"_Take it easy? I'm never taking your advice again."_

_Within a second Bernadette was stood next to her husband, curious as to what Leonard's outburst could've meant._

"_What have you done Howard?"_

"_Nothing, really its nothing."_

_Leonard spoke up once more._

"_Oh it's nothing, is it?"_

_Howard faked a smile for the three women and took hold of Leonard's arm._

"_If you'll excuse us ladies, Raj and I want to have a little chat with Leonard."_

_Raj nodded in agreement helping his friend to push a resistant Leonard into the apartment, promptly slamming the door behind them._

_Bernadette glanced the door before turning her attention back to her friends._

"_I always know when he's lying to me."_

_Brushing over Bernadette's statement Penny was keen to know the ins and outs._

"_C'mon Amy what happened?"_

"_It was about three months ago and we had a date around at my apartment and he was fine for the first twenty minutes, just the same old Sheldon."_

"_So what happened?"_

"_He was right in the middle of ranting about Leonard breaking the roommate agreement when he broke out into a sweat."_

_A smirk came across Penny's face._

"_So wait, he was thinking about Leonard when it happened?"_

_Amy narrowed her eyes at her._

"_Penny please, this is serious."_

"_Sorry, keep going."_

"_He went out and came back with a drum kit."_

_Bernadette who had been silent throughout spoke up._

"_A drum kit?"_

"_Yes I answered the door and I said haven't we done this before with bongos? And he said yes except this time it really is a musical booty call."_

_Penny and Bernadette spoke in unison._

"_And you said?"_

"_I said, you don't look so good, how about you sleep on the sofa tonight?"_

"_And he said?_

"_How 'bout the bed?"_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: With all the Shamy and Howard action I haven't had much time to slot the lovely Leonard in so I though I would give you all an insight into his thoughts and feelings this chapter. **

Back inside the house Leonard was perched on the edge of the bath with his young son sat on his lap. After Raj had left, Howard had gone upstairs to be away from Sheldon which left Leonard alone with Sheldon, Amy and Mary.

The tense atmosphere had become too much too handle and Leonard had retreated to the bathroom.

"God I'm a mess. You know I finally had it sorted, then he comes back and I've locked myself in a bathroom like a teenage girl."

Lenny wrapped his fingers around the toggle of his father's jacket placing it in his mouth, playfully kicking his legs as he did so.

He painted on a false smile for the young boy's benefit, giving him a light kiss on the head.

"How can I ever blame him for what happened? He didn't make the choice to do it. I mean c'mon he had swallowed a dangerous amount of that god damn powder."

Still the young boy smiled up at him with love and admiration, completely oblivious to the true meaning of his father's words.

Leonard pulled him in tighter, wrapping him up in a bear hug in desperate attempts of comfort.

"It poisoned him you know; my stupidity could've killed him."

He closed his eyes and took a deep inhalation through his nose, determined to keep his composure.

"Howard said that I had put way too much in but I was determined to take it all, to prove to your mommy that I was good enough for her."

He knew he should've stopped, but now the words were flowing out and he was powerless to stop them, his guilt had consumed him for years and now it was all coming out.

"He was so ill, he came back in and the powder was still working. He was begging me to make it stop, so I thought hey shove him under a cold shower for a few minutes and he'll be fine."

Leonard scrunched his eyes tighter together, pushing the memory to the forefront. He didn't want to suppress this anymore, he wanted to relive every moment and confront it head on.

"He came out the shower and he was so disorientated, his temperature was right up, he was shaking like hell and it was me he was looking to me for reassurance. He had no idea what was happening and I wasn't man enough to come clean."

A tight knot formed in his stomach as a feeling of sickness and dread overwhelmed him causing a nauseous feeling of light headedness to arise. Ignoring the feeling, he gripped the side of the bath and continued onwards.

"The rest of the day was spent on the bathroom floor. He didn't know where the hell he was. There was; sweating, shaking, stomach cramps, fluctuating temperature and a lot of vomit." He frantically listed, ticking each one off on his fingers.

It had been almost fifteen years yet he could see it so clearly, every moment vivid in his mind as if it was yesterday.

He might've gone as far as to say he was reliving it once more; he could still feel the cold tiles of the bathroom floor beneath him, the incoherent mumbles still rung in his ears, the smell of sweat and vomit still turned his stomach and the feel of his friends hot and clammy skin lingered on his hands as he tried to hold him down in attempts of controlling the violent shaking.

"There and then I should've taken him to hospital, I didn't though. It felt horrible but if I had there would've been no explaining why he had such high levels of that crap in his body."

Looking back on his actions, Leonard felt a large amount of shame. He had always regretted not taking him to a doctor and had wished he had just swallowed his pride and admitted to why he was in such a terrible state.

"It was a week before he was right again, I didn't leave his side the entire time. I phoned in work and said we both had food poisoning. I did everything I even sung soft kitty, but what use was it? No matter how well I looked after him, it was still my fault."

Finally he trailed off, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. After a few splashes of water on his face from the tap he readjusted Lenny on his hip and prepared himself to face them in the sitting room once more.

His first sweeping glance of the room had proved to him that his absence had done little to improve the situation. Sheldon was still in the same place as he was before the only difference now being the ice pack he held against his ankle, Amy sat on the sofa with her back to him and Mary was stood watching over them in concern.

He cleared his throat to attract their attention. Sheldon kept his eyes on the floor and it had seemed that Amy hadn't even heard him. Mary tore her eyes away from Sheldon and moved over to where Leonard was.

"I don't suppose you came to any solutions in there?"

"No but I did come to the conclusion that I feel like crap."

She gestured to the stairs.

"He's been up there a while, you think he's alright?"

His response was barely above a whisper.

"He's not been alright since Bernadette..."

"Then maybe this is what is needed. At the moment if he's not coping, we could help him with Clare."

"They are the last people that he needs in his life."

She sighed to herself giving him a reluctant nod of agreement, lowering her voice to one barely above a whisper.

"You know Leonard I always used to think my husband was a bad father."

"Well uh, Sheldon never spoke of him."

She pointed to where Sheldon was sat, a look of sadness dominating her features.

"You know I used to pray everyday that none of my children would ever turn out like him."

"I wouldn't have thought so."

"God forgive me for saying this but he's worse, he makes my George look like father of the year."

Leonard visibly flinched, letting out an involuntary gasp in his shock.

"Don't say that. Just whatever you do, don't say that."

"Leonard please I understand your need to defend him but we can't deny this."

He furiously shook his head.

"It wasn't his fault."

She placed her hand up to signal him to stop.

"Shelly was fully aware of his actions, I'm not going to defend him."

"But what if he wasn't?"

Ignoring his statement she ruffled Lenny's hair.

"He's a lovely little boy Leonard, you should be proud."

He offered her a weak smile, diverting his gaze to the stairs.

"Should I go talk to Howard?"

"You stay here with those two. You won't get much out of them but just keep an eye on them."

He merely nodded watching as she headed up the stairs.

Walking up the stairs she paused halfway, taking another glance of her son. She rarely got the chance to see him and she missed him, what made it worse was that the feeling didn't seem to be mutual.

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind where she hoped it would stay, she headed towards the bedroom door which was the only one closed on the landing. Hoping that it would be the right one she lightly knocked.

After a few seconds the door was opened to reveal a pale looking Howard, who was evidentially less than impressed to see her.

"No offence or anything but seriously could you all just get out?"

"Just give me a few minutes, that's all I ask."

"Why should I give you anything? Are you and those couple of weirdoes down there deliberately trying to mess my kid up?"

Ignoring his harsh comments she persevered further.

"I've gone fourteen years without my granddaughter because of you and Sheldon's cut all ties agreement, five minutes of your time is nothing if you think about it."

For a moment he considered her words, his tense features slowly softening.

"Fine, come on in." He reluctantly agreed putting an over emphasis on the word fine.

He pulled the door open wider making room for her to step into the bedroom.

She took a moment to take in the surroundings, it was quite a large room with cream walls and white bed sheets.

The walls were decorated with family photos of the Wolowitz family, there were quite a few of Howard and Bernadette, some of them were the three of them all together, there was one with Howard's mother in as well, although most of them were of Clare at various different life stages ranging from a young baby, several different birthday parties to pictures of her in school uniform.

Redecorating the bedroom was not a decision Howard took lightly. After he adopted Clare, Bernadette had insisted that now he was a father, the room would need to be more child friendly. So they binned the leopard print bed sheets, repainted the walls, took down the light sabres, replaced all the sci- fi memorabilia with cuddly soft toys and in the place of where his desk was a changing table and a cot.

"Mind if I sit down?"

"If you must."

Awkwardly she perched on the edge of the bed, trying to work out what she would say. She looked him up and down and noted how he was holding a tiny pair of blue baby shoes.

"Are those Clare's?"

"Have you seen her feet? They're massive."

"What I meant was, were they her baby shoes?"

He slowly shook his head, lowering himself down onto the bed so he was sat next to her.

"We were hoping for a boy. Eventually once she was better we were hoping that we would have had one of our own."

"Oh Honey."

"How wrong were we?"

"You know sometimes honey, these things happen and there is no explaining them at the time, they just hurt and seem so cruel but you've..."

He cut her off mid sentence.

"Nothing you say is going to make this hurt less."

"It does get better, please believe that."

"She never wanted children; it wasn't until we adopted Clare that she changed towards the idea. We raised her best we could and we were ready for another, really we were."

Mary shuffled over closer to him, placing her hand on his knee.

"It sounds to me like she was a great mom to Clare."

"She always seemed so strong. I always thought she would fight it. I never thought I'd lose her."

"Sometimes when you're that ill it's impossible to get better."

"I just can't get over what she did. She used her last breath to tell our little girl that we weren't her parents. Why would she do that?"

Mary was hesitant in her response, choosing her words carefully.

"Well I suppose she couldn't live with it anymore."

He raised his tone once more, fighting back the tears of frustration and heartbreak that threatened to surface.

"Live with it? She died an hour later, leaving me with a whole heap of crap to deal with!"

Mary could see right through his anger. She had felt similar feelings of mixed emotions after her husband's death.

"Right now you have a very confused and upset young girl and regardless of what you're wife said or did your only priority must be Clare."

He crossed his arms together.

"So tell me, what was Sheldon doing the night Clare was born?"

"Let's not do this."

"Not let's. What was he doing the night she was born?"

She paused for a moment before reluctantly giving him an answer.

"He sat up all night on the laptop, completing some sort of physics paper. I tried to persuade him to go but he refused to acknowledge it was happening."

"Hmmm interesting and now what was I doing?"

"You know what you were doing. You don't need me to tell you."

"Yes I do know what I was doing. I was at the hospital holding Amy's hand because your son wouldn't."

"Where are you going with this?"

"It was eleven hours long, her grip on my hand was stronger than any electronic robot I've ever made, the epidural they gave her barely touched the sides, she screamed like holy hell, there was a lot of blood and they eventually had to use the forceps."

"And your point is?"

"My point is, don't lecture me on my priorities. Clare has come way above anything else even before she was born. I was there right from the start."

The front door opening could be heard from downstairs, immediately diverting Howard's attention. Rushing over to the banisters he lent over them, peering down into the living room. Upon seeing Raj enter alone, his heart sank.

"Did you talk to her?"

Raj slowly nodded his head.

"Where is she?"

"Penny arrived and she's talking to her."

Mary moved passed Howard and headed back down into the living area before making her way towards the front door.

"It's about time me and my granddaughter had a little chat."

**A/N: Next chapter will be back to flashbacks and this one will be from Mary's POV and will make more sense of what Howard said.**

**Once again thank you to all my reviewers, special mentions to Sinceslicedbread who has been supporting my stories from the start, rubyangel whose story The One That Got away inspired me to right a shamy fic of my own and musickat18 for reviewing every chapter and giving me great advise and to everyone else who has taken the time to review.**

**Next update will be very soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Mary's flashback is set six month's after Penny's.**

Clare Wolowitz's jumped out of her godmother's car, taking several deep breaths. She had heard two versions of the story now and each time it got more surreal and strange.

A hand on her shoulder caused her to scream out in surprise. Startled she spun around to see who it was.

"You remember me honey?"

She slowly nodded.

"We met at my mom's funeral."

"That's right."

"So where do you fit into all this?"

This question had thrown her off guard, earlier on Mary hadn't considered the fact that Clare had no idea who she was.

"Well I'm Shelly's mother."

"Doctor Cooper?"

There was something about those two words that seemed cold and distant. The young girl stood before her had referred to her own father as Doctor Cooper, everything about it was impersonal as if she was a student at the university attending one of his presentations.

"Yes he's my boy."

"So that makes you my...?"

"Your me maw."

"My what? Is that Texas talk for grandmother?"

If Mary was to squint hard enough, she could have quite easily assumed that she was talking to Sheldon.

"No darling, it's just something your father used to say."

Clare bit down on her tongue in restraint, desperately trying to keep her tone to a polite level.

"Mrs Cooper, although I respect your love for your son, might I request that you refrain from referring to Doctor Cooper as my father."

"Do you really think that little of him?"

"On the contrary, I have read all his work and think he is a remarkable man but my surname is Wolowitz for a reason."

"I'd hate to think of you making a judgement, without good reason."

"Well what can you offer me to help build this opinion?"

She thought for a moment, digging deep into her memories and bringing them up to the surface once more.

"This won't exactly help their case, but it's all I can offer."

_Mary Pov._

_There was chaos in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Raj was sprawled out over the breakfast bar downing a large bottle of champagne for the sake of being able to talk to the women, Leonard and Penny were throwing various belongings into Leonard's overnight bag and Howard and Bernadette were having a furious argument._

_What worried Mary the most was Sheldon's reaction – or lack of?_

_The apartment was in a mess from where Leonard had been desperately searching for something to wear, Raj had knocked several plates and cups off the breakfast bar when he climbed onto it and Howard and Bernadette had been shouting way above a level that Sheldon would usually be comfortable with._

_Despite all of this Sheldon seemed oblivious to it all as he flicked through his notes, every so often he would bring his eyes up to the computer screen and type out selected parts of his work._

"_You Howard Wolowitz are an ass, you hear me? An absolute ass!"_

"_You're not exactly easy to live with yourself."_

"_Oh why don't you just go running to your mother?"_

"_Cheap shot Bernadette."_

_Mary tapped Penny on the shoulder, attracting her attention._

"_Are you sure now is the best time to go away?"_

"_Well the concert is tomorrow, so yeah."_

_She looked doubtful, taking another glance of the chaos unfolding in the small apartment._

"_Well Rajesh is drunk for start offs."_

"_He mostly is."_

_She gestured to Howard and Bernadette._

"_And those two aren't exactly on the best of terms."_

_Penny took hold of the older woman's hands, giving her a look of reassurance._

"_We always call you when he does something crazy. If we give you some space to talk maybe he'll come round."_

"_What could possibly be done to solve this?"_

_Penny blinked a few times clearly thrown off guard by her question. She always used to think that when it came to Sheldon, every problem could be resolved by calling his mother._

"_Well you can say something to him, can't you?" She asked, a tone of desperation clear in her voice._

"_I'm going to level with you, I'm out of my depth here."_

_Penny shook her head, refusing to admit defeat._

"_The baby will be born in just over a week, that's plenty of time."_

_Mary pondered her words for a few seconds, glancing over at her preoccupied son before bringing her gaze back to Penny._

"_He's never done anything like this before."_

_Penny was left with no time to reply as Leonard swung his bag over his shoulder._

"_Right I'm all set."_

_With that the eye contact was broken between the two women. Penny offered her a small smile before walking into the kitchen and pushing Raj off the breakfast bar._

"_Drunk enough?"_

_He nodded, gripping the kitchen counters for balance._

"_Maybe too drunk?"_

"_As long as there aren't any awkward silences on the drive up there, you're fine."_

_Giving her a soppy grin, her staggered out into the living room._

"_So are we all set?"_

_Howard walked over to the sofa, throwing himself down onto it and crossing his arms._

"_I'm not going."_

_Bernadette shook her head, reaching into her pocket and ripping up his ticket._

"_Fine, see if I care."_

"_Are you crazy?"_

_She lowered her tone to a childish level._

"_I thought you said you weren't going?"_

_Sheldon looked up from his computer screen._

"_To quote the mailman, those bitches be crazy."_

_Mary crossed her arms, shooting him a look of disapproval._

"_Now Shelly, I don't want you talking to that mailman no more if he's going to be teaching you those words._

_Ignoring his mother he moved his eyes back to the computer screen, absorbing himself into his work once more. _

_Determined to get another dig in, Howard turned to Bernadette shooting her an angry look._

"_You know it's a bit of a kick in the pants, isn't it?"_

_Returning the look, she gritted her teeth together._

"_What is?"_

"_That self centred people like him get to have children, whilst others who are desperate to be a dad are denied that chance."_

_The sudden declaration changed the atmosphere of the room, plunging it into a deafening silence._

_Bernadette was the first one to react, swallowing back the lump that had formed in the back of her throat and replying in a tone that barely covered her hurt._

"_Right, I'll see you in two days."_

"_Bernie I..."_

_She held up her hand to signal him to stop._

"_Don't apologise if you don't mean it."_

_Breaking the eye contact, she opened the door and made to leave._

"_Don't leave like this, I take it back."_

_The apology had come too late and without looking back she wordlessly headed down the stairs. Sensing that all eyes were upon him, Howard let out a laugh and attempted to make a joke._

"_Hey, I don't know why you're all going to see Maroon 5, Penny openly dislikes the music and Leonard has never even heard of them."_

_Raj spoke up, his words slightly slurred._

"_Because you made a typing error when booking the tickets." He paused "That and Adam Levine has a voice to die for."_

_Penny made her way towards the door following on after her friend, pausing just as she was about to exit._

"_I don't dislike all of their songs, I quite like hey soul sister."_

_Leonard followed on after her._

"_Even I know that is a Train song."_

"_Ok right, yeah then I do dislike all of their songs."_

_Raj was the last to exit, giving Howard a sympathetic look before closing the front door. _

_Ignoring Howard's presence, Mary walked over to Sheldon's desk._

"_Hey Shelly, whats that you're working on?"_

"_I highly doubt you'd understand."_

"_Try me."_

"_Trying to explain this to someone without a doctorate in the field of physics would be pointless and taking your religious beliefs into account, the whole topic would simply go straight over your head."_

"_I'm taking an interest in your work, not trying to spark a debate of science vs. religion."_

"_Oh mother, you and I both know that's the way it will go."_

_She took hold of the chair pulling it away from the computer and swivelling it around so he was facing her._

"_Will you at least look at me when I'm talking to you?"_

_He sighed to himself and got out of the chair, stepping around her as he made his way into the kitchen._

"_Howard, seeing as you have every intention of sticking around can I offer you a beverage?"_

_Sitting up from his hunched over position, he turned to face him._

"_Vodka, just bring me the bottle."_

_Mary walked over to where he was sat, taking the space next to him._

"_He'll have a cup of tea and then he's phoning his girl to apologise."_

_Doing as his mother told him, he reached into the cupboard for the teabags._

"_Hey Shelly, how bout you carry on with that sciencey stuff your doing and me and Howard go make the tea?"_

_He nodded in agreement, making his way back to the desk._

"_Very well, if that's the case, I'll take a pass. When it comes to tea the only person who can make it fit for my consumption is myself."_

_Walking into the kitchen together, Mary placed a hand on Howard's arm._

"_Now are you gonna tell me what's eating away at you?"_

"_I thought they called you to sort Sheldon out, not me."_

_She reached into the cupboard, retrieving two cups._

"_Don't use my green lantern cup." Sheldon shouted from the living room._

_Suppressing her irritation she switched over the cups and flicked the kettle on._

"_That little outburst you had a few minutes ago?"_

_Avoiding her gaze, he diverted his gaze downwards, focusing on a stain that marked the kitchen floor._

"_It was nothing, I went too far."_

"_You might as well have just said, why him and not me?"_

_As means of distraction he pulled open the refrigerator door, retrieving the milk._

"_Really it's fine."_

_She took the milk off him, placing it to the side and out of the way._

"_This bothers you, doesn't it?"_

_Staring blankly at the wall, he made no effort to voice his feelings._

_Her tone was insistent and firm. "Admit it."_

_Slowly he nodded, bringing his head around so he was making direct eye contact with her._

"_Why him and not me?"_

_She was left with no opportunity to reply as the sudden ring of the telephone abruptly brought the discussion to a close._

_Sheldon without looking away from the screen picked up the phone._

"_Hello?"_

_He was silent as the voice down the other end responded._

"_Yes this is he."_

_His blank expression soon turned to a frown._

"_Oh I see."_

_Mary and Howard exchanged looks of confusion as they watched over him._

"_Could you send her my apologies? I'm tied up in work and can't get away."_

_Another few moments passed as he listened to what the other person had to say._

"_Yes I do realise that, but there is no possibility that I can make it down there tonight."_

_Placing the phone down, Sheldon continued on with his work without so much as a word to his mother and friend._

_Howard cleared his throat, temporarily causing him to look up._

"_Yes?"_

"_What was that all about?"_

"_Oh that phone call?"_

"_Yeah that."_

_His voice was calm and casual, almost as if he was talking about something trivial like going to the shop for a pint of milk or loaf of bread._

"_Well it would appear that Amy Farrah Fowler has what you would call, gone into labour."_

_Mary clasped her hand over her mouth in shock._

"_Right well we gotta get to the hospital."_

_He shook his head, picking up a sheet of his notes and studying it._

"_I'm far too busy for any of that."_

_A mixture of heartbreak and shock flashed in her eyes._

"_Surely you don't mean what you're saying?"_

_Howard dug his keys from out of his pockets._

"_Right I'll go to the hospital and for what its worth, don't even bother trying to convince him."_

_She opened her mouth to protest however he cut her off._

"_No father should ever need convincing. you're going to have to let him figure it out for himself."_

_Lost for words, she merely nodded, watching him leave until the door was closed leaving her and Sheldon alone._

_Slowly she sank down onto the sofa._

"_He's right."_

"_Um hmm." He mumbled, his attention fully focussed on the computer screen._

"_I'm not going to try and talk you into going, I'm just going to sit here and hope and pray that you eventually see sense."_

Mary finished talking and waited for her granddaughter's reaction. After the longest half a minute of her life, Clare found her voice.

"When I told you my surname was Wolowitz for a reason, that's the reason. Right there."


	13. Chapter 13

Clare had never expected herself to get angry. She had anticipated a lot of negative emotions ranging from sadness to disappointment but not once had she entertained the idea that she would be as raging angry as she was in that moment.

She had managed to keep her cool throughout the humiliating tale of her conception however this level of blatant rejection was too hard for even her to swallow up and move on from.

"I hate him." Her words were cold and dejected, leaving Mary stunned by the brutality of them.

She studied the young girl's face looking for any indication that she may have regretted her harsh words. There was none only a tight jaw and flaring nostrils that suggested she meant every word.

She looked her up and down, everything from the balled up fists to the reddening of her cheeks and heavy breathing was emphasised. This was an all too familiar scene that she had seen played out less than hour ago when Howard had lashed out at Sheldon.

Clare may not have in any way looked like the man she had called Dad for the past fourteen years; however the passionate hate that burned in her eyes now, was indistinguishable from the one he wore in his.

"Hate is a very strong word."

Clare furiously shook her head in disagreement, slowly taking a step back from her.

"I hate him, he's a putz!"

Once could've been passed off as a heat of the moment reaction although twice was undeniable.

Twice, some would say was a confirmation.

Swiftly she turned on her heel and charged down the garden path, fury building up and spilling over.

Reaching the door she furiously knocked it three times.

"Dad?"

Once more she knocked three times, this time with added passion causing her knuckles to seer with pain.

"Dad?"

The final set were the hardest, her anger peaking as she replaced the final three knocks with punches.

"Dad?"

The door was opened within a matter of seconds. Within a heartbeat her anger melted away to be replaced by vulnerability, in an instance it was like she was a small child again depending on her parent's guidance to chase away the monsters under the bed.

"Make it stop Daddy. I don't want them, I only want you."

He pulled her in, lowering her to the ground and enveloping her into a comforting embrace. Looking up he brought his eyes up to face Sheldon and Amy.

"Are you going to go willingly or am I going to have to throw you out?"

Sheldon looked over to Leonard for guidance.

"Leonard?"

Leonard bent down to pick up Lenny who had been playing on the floor.

"C'mon buddy, uncle Sheldon will be staying with us tonight."

Amy frowned at Sheldon, crossing her arms.

"You're not seriously gonna go, are you?"

He nodded following Leonard towards the door.

"You heard the man, we go willingly or he throws us out."

"But what about our daughter?"

Howard pulled Clare in closer to him, almost as if he was creating a barrier.

"She's not your daughter, she's mine. Mine and Bernadette's."

Raj stepped forward placing a hand on her arm and lightly chivvying her towards the front door.

"Don't push me, I'm not leaving her."

Clare brought her face way from where it had been buried in her father's shirt and looked her full in the eyes.

"You left me ages ago."

Sheldon spoke up.

"Amy, come along."

Clare squeezed Howard's hand. Taking a deep breath in, she got to her feet and walked over to the space in the room that left her midway between Sheldon and Amy.

"Wise words Doctor Cooper, do what he says May."

A look of hurt flashed Amy's eyes.

"Doctor Cooper and May?"

"I don't care what the hell your name is. In fact it doesn't matter what I call you, as long as it's not mom and dad."

Amy opened her mouth to reply, however no words came out. Over the years she had played out a wide range of different scenarios as to how this moment would eventually turn out, yet never had she imagined this.

Sheldon changed his tone to one of warning.

"Amy, you heard her."

Defeated she walked past Clare, following Leonard and Sheldon outside with Raj following closely behind.

Once they were out Clare swiftly slammed the door in their faces, bolting it securely.

Blocking out the others Amy merely stared at Sheldon, eventually making him uncomfortable by her icy glare.

"How could you?"

He rolled his eyes, giving her a look that could be described as mocking.

"How could I what?"

"Walk away that easily."

Leonard intervened.

"Listen it's been a tough night, we should all just go home and sleep on it."

"He can, but I don't want to be near him."

Sheldon looked confused.

"What are you suggesting?"

She loosened her engagement ring, slipping it off her finger.

"If I can't have her, then I don't want you."

"That's preposterous, you've not seen her in years, yet you've been with me longer than she's been alive."

"As you would say; I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion."

"This is ludicrous. Let's just book a flight back to Europe, leave as soon as possible and forget this ever happened."

"Go without me, I'm not giving up on her."

He crossed him arms together, slightly taken aback by her statement.

"When will you be back?"

She shook her head, taking hold of his hand and placing the ring in his palm.

"I won't be."

"What are you suggesting?"

Leonard snorted.

"Is it just me or do you still have a total lack of empathy?"

Ignoring his friend's comment he kept his eyes on Amy.

"What are you trying to say?"

She backed away from him, diverting her gaze to the ground.

"I'm saying that after tonight, I don't want to become your wife anymore."

Her attempts of turning and walking away were blocked.

"Amy, may I point something out to you?"

She resisted the urge to look at him.

"What is it?"

"The whole point of this little trip over was to invite her to our nuptials and now you've called it off. So hence forth the whole purpose of our being here is void."

She allowed her shoulders to slump. He was never one for apologising, only smart mouth comments that he thought would improve the situation - When in fact they only succeeded in making them ten times worse.

"Just leave me alone Sheldon."

She left him with no time to defend himself. Instead she walked away with a stride of confidence that masked her true feelings of inner turmoil. She didn't stop when he called after her, nor did she stop when passing the woman she used to call her best friend.

Leonard watched as she walked away and continued to do so until she was around the corner and out of eyesight.

"Leonard?"

"If you're going to say anything insensitive, then just stay quiet."

"I'll leave as soon as I can, Clare only wants Wolowitz and that's what I should have expected."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Inspiration for this chapter came from when I was watching the Hot Troll Deviation the other day, the episode where Howard and Bernadette break up and he keeps seeing her because he missed her so much and the Shiny Trinket manoeuvre where she came up with a solution to them having children.**

On the occasions that Howard found himself lonely he had always relied on his ability to fantasise.

He had been doing it a lot of recent months. It was no longer a sexual thing which he used for his own pleasure. Now it was for whenever he felt like he needed to talk things through.

He closed his eyes. If he wanted to do this, he would have to be able to visualise her as if she was right there beside him.

He could picture her lying in her empty space of the bed, once more filling the gap that she had left in his life.

"Oh Howie. If you wanted someone to talk to, you should have phoned Raj."

A few short months ago, her distinctive voice would've been crystal clear in her ears and exactly how he remembered it to be. Now it was only vague in his mind. When he had first lost her he would've laughed at the idea that he would one day be struggling to remember what her voice sounded like.

He turned to face her. At times he could see her so clearly that he found himself losing his concept of reality. He could always fully submerge himself into a very real fantasy. Almost fooling himself into thinking it was real.

"Raj? How the hell would he be able to help?"

She reached out to him, taking hold of his hand with an empty touch.

"Because he's really here."

"And so are you, right?"

She shook her head.

"No and I haven't been for a while."

He sat up in the bed, securing his robe. Nothing was going to stop him from spending this time he had with her.

"So how's ma? She been giving you a hard time up there?"

She pondered his question a few times before glancing over at the picture of Clare that stood on the bedside table.

"She's proud of what a great father you've become."

He looked doubtful.

"Why'd you do it Bernie?"

She blinked a few times, her face a picture of innocence that never failed to take him in.

"Do what?"

"Make it so hard? Why did you think telling her would make things better?"

She merely smiled at him with the same beauty and warmth that she always used to posses. She always had a way of evaporating his anger and making him love her just that little bit more than he had done before.

"Ok, maybe you had your reasons but I just..."

"Didn't expect me to do it?"

He sighed deeply, shuffling over so he was closer to her.

"Well no."

She relaxed into a laugh, pointing at his foot.

"Well we have had plenty of unexpected occasions over the years."

He felt his tense features change into a wide grin as he removed his sock to reveal an empty space where his big toe once was.

"You know I still can't step foot in your parent's house without getting flashbacks, hyperventilating then passing out."

"You big baby, there are worst body parts that could've been shot off."

"I liked to see how you would react if you had your toe shot off by your three year old child."

She placed her hand over her mouth in attempts to stifle the hysterical laughter that was threatening to bubble over.

"I seem to remember how horrified you were at the time." He was quick to point out.

"Well who knew you could lose that much blood through the big toe?"

"You know I've never quite forgiven your dad for that."

"Oh c'mon it was hardly his fault, I thought you two would've made progress after I..."

She trailed off and buried her face in his shoulder, her blonde hair sprawled down his arm in a messy fashion. He felt his eyes water, the laughter soon being overridden by sadness.

"You know I've forgotten what your shampoo smelt like? I try to picture what it's like to run my fingers through your hair but I can't. It's only been six months and already you're starting to fade"

There was no response from her, only a slight nod to confirm she'd heard.

"It just seems that everyday I forget you a little bit more and there's no way of stopping it, no matter how hard I try, I just can't store it all up. It just leaves me."

Once more she only nodded, giving him the strength to continue.

"I no longer catch you out of the corner of my eye and I no longer stop what I'm doing just because I've seen a woman with the same colour hair as you."

He couldn't stop himself now, the words were spilling out and he was powerless to control himself.

"God knows I envy that memory of Clare's, she can still remember every inch of you but for me it just becomes more and more vague and I can't stand it."

"Howard I..."

"You know there are times where I get her to tell me everything she can remember about you and there are so many tiny details that she won't ever let go of and yet I hardly took any time at all to forget them"

Still she didn't look up. When she replied her response was tear filled and choked up, however it was still undeniably firm and insistent.

"Don't do this Howie. Think about us and tell me why you blame my dad for losing your toe."

"A toe is nothing compared to losing you." He felt his voice crack as he slowly began to crumble once more.

"No crying, don't you dare cry. You agreed to be strong for Clare."

He slowly nodded, bringing his arm up and drying his eyes with his sleeve.

"I blame your dad, because why the hell didn't he lock his gun away when there was a toddler in the house?"

"We did have her in her little play pen, we thought she would be happy with her alphabet blocks."

Howard looked thoughtful for a moment.

"That and we didn't realise that she knew how to unlock it using just her shoelace and a plastic spoon."

"I remember for a while after you couldn't even remember what went on that day."

"Hey I'd lost a lot of blood and a toe, you try being on top of your game after that."

She looked up from his shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair.

"My poor baby."

He snorted.

"I seem to remember at the time you telling me to stop crying because I was upsetting Clare."

"What can I say? She was the cute one."

"You know, even now I can still hear the cocky voice of your father saying; there's nothing to worry about, the safety is on and there is no way she will ever figure out how to take it off."

Bernadette shuddered, nervously chewing her bottom lip.

"I don't know what unnerved me more, the sound of her turning the safety off or the actual gun shot."

"Despite my dread and hysteria I couldn't help feel a little proud that she was smart enough to work out how to use it."

"Hmmm I think the worst part was the way you were begging _c'mon Clare give daddy the gun_, before she fired it."

"Nope the worst part was after she fired it, when she asked, _why is daddy screaming?"_

"Toddlers and guns don't mix."

"Agreed, it could've been so much worse."

He paused for a moment, staring off into the far corner of the room.

"Can you believe that was eleven years ago?"

He turned his head so he was facing her, once more her eyes were filled with the lost look she sometimes used to where when her illness was at its worse, when she knew there was no hope of recovery and every time he saw it, it never failed to break him.

"We needed more time."

He nodded in agreement, placing his hand on her knee.

"We had it all didn't we?"

She didn't answer his question, instead she gestured to his hand.

"Can you still remember what it was like to touch me?"

He couldn't.

It had been so long since he had properly held her in her physical form. The time that he spent with her now was nothing more than an image he had conjured up from his vague imagination, held together by his hazy memories.

"I wish could, I know it was amazing and God knows there is nothing I wouldn't do to be with you again."

"Maybe you will?"

He pulled the duvet off him and swung his legs around so they were dangling off the bed. When he said this he didn't want to be facing her.

"You know I put a lot of thought into that when you first..."

He quickly trailed off leaving the unsaid words hanging in the air leaving behind an uncomfortable silence.

"Why won't you just say it?"

He moved the conversation along, determined to tell her. He had never told these thoughts to anyone, not even to Raj.

"A5 and fifty cents."

"What are you talking about?"

"There is a vending machine in the university canteen."

She let out a nervous laugh, unsure of how to react.

"Sweetie, I know."

He stopped talking for a second or two, preparing himself for what he was going to say.

"There is a selection of junk food and right in-between the cheese puffs and red vines are chocolate covered peanuts."

Her facial expressions softened further, her eyes once more filling up with tears.

"Oh Howie."

"Usually I would steer well clear from them, but that day I actually found myself looking up at the number."

"But why do that to yourself? Why?"

He raised his voice slightly.

"Because at the time it was as simple as insert fifty cents, press A5 and you'll be with your wife again."

"So what stopped you?"

He offered her a weak smile.

"Believe it or not it was Barry Kripke."

She raised her eye brow.

"No way?"

"Yeap, he walked passed me and said hey how's that fweakishly tall daughter of yours?"

"He didn't?"

"He did and I snapped right out of it."

She looked back to the picture of their daughter.

"Clare is your life. You love that girl more than you love yourself."

Once more he nodded.

"And if me pressing A5 was going to cause her any pain, then it's the last thing I would've done."

This time she couldn't control herself, she allowed her emotion to burst through prompting her to voice her true feelings.

"I wish I had your choice, I wish there was a button I could've avoided pressing."

He got to his feet.

"You told her everyday how much you loved her. You were a mother and a best friend to her and you no longer being here won't change that."

She smoothed down her skirt and tucked her hair behind her ear before getting to her feet to join him.

"Was I a good mother?"

"Other than the fact that I had to put my career on hold for four years to take care of her and that all of her friends were put in the no cake club at her birthday parties. You were great." He joked, sending her a cheeky wink.

A fond look came across her face.

"Well I made way more money than you anyway."

"Hey for the record it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be."

"For the record as her mother, I would say she was a lot less trouble in her teenage years."

"It wasn't all poking cereal out of her nose, watching Barney and play dates you know."

"I know that silly, with her it was the discovery channel, one hundred piece puzzles and being constantly outsmarted by her."

"It was kinda cute at the same time, you gotta admit."

She sighed to herself.

"It was when she was older that she really needed me, when the night terrors came."

"How did you deal with that?"

"I was her mom, I just knew."

"And do you know how hard it is, listening to her scream every night over those crappy dreams and not having a clue how to help her?"

She didn't know how to answer, Howard had never had to help her with Clare's nightmares it was only Bernadette who really had any idea of how to help her.

"Do you remember the night Clare was born?" She asked, changing the subject.

"How could I forget? I never knew Amy could scream so loud."

"I was at some Maroon 5 concert, due to you screwing up when booking the tickets."

He nervously bit his bottom lip, at the time he had deliberately booked the wrong tickets as a favour to Raj who at the time was going through a phase of listening to them.

"I remember."

She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek. At that moment he would've done anything to have been able to feel it.

"There's this song by them called She Will Be Loved."

He wasn't going to admit that he secretly liked the song and had by choice listened to it several times over.

"I think I've heard it."

"He's certain that he's going to love her, it's a promise that he makes and he seems so sure he's going to keep it."

He swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of his throat.

"I uh, I heard it on the radio a few hours after Sheldon handed her over to me."

She took a deep breath in, taking her hand away from his cheek.

"It always reminded me of you."

"It did?"

You may not know what to do when she has nightmares and you may feel hopeless over Sheldon and Amy but Clare will never be able to deny that you love her."

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in as close as he could manage. Closing his eyes, he rested his head on top of hers, hoping to relish the moment for a while longer.

He should've known by that stage that closing his eyes was a mistake. He should've learned that if he blinked he would miss her.

With that the she was gone and the illusion was shattered. He was alone again.

He slowly sank down onto the bed, burying his head in his hands.

"Damn it. I should've told her I loved her."

Meanwhile over the other side of Pasadena, Howard hadn't been the only one who was experiencing loneliness. It was the morning after Amy had walked away from Sheldon and the silence in her hotel room had never seemed so loud.

She glanced over at the clock and considered Sheldon's words; she wondered how soon he meant when he said he was leaving as soon as he could.

She walked over to the mirror and took a look at herself, she hadn't bothered with the contact lenses so she was wearing her glasses and her hair had not been brushed. She didn't care; she had nowhere to go to dress up for.

She was abruptly pulled from her thoughts by the sounds of three loud hammering knocks on the door.

"May?"

This had thrown her off guard, the only person she had known to do that was Sheldon. She waited to see if her knocking ritual was the same.

To her surprise it was repeated once more.

"May?"

She got to her feet in preparation for the final set, which promptly followed the second.

"May?"

Amy quickly pulled open the door and once more came face to face to Clare.

"How come you knock like that?"

Clare thought for a moment, before shrugging.

"I know this might seem hard to believe now, but there was a time where I wasn't quite tall enough to reach the door bell."

"Yes, but it's a rather particular way of knocking isn't it?"

"And that bothers you?"

"Uh well no but it's just, it's exactly the same as... oh what the hell I'm just glad you're here."

Clare lifted up her jacket and passed it over.

"You left this behind last night and it had details of where you were staying in the pocket."

Amy took the jacket and looked at it in disappointment.

"Oh right, well that was very kind of you. Thanks."

"Uh is Doctor Cooper here?"

Amy's eyes widened in surprise.

"You want to see him?"

She shook her head.

"Not after what I heard yesterday."

"He's not that bad you know."

"I've read his papers before and although fascinating they may have been, there was always one thing missing from them."

"And that is?"

"Human touch, he sounds like a robot in all of them."

Amy nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. The urge to defend him was strong yet the young girl's theory was undeniable.

"Sheldon told me ,that **you** said that he was your idol?"

"That was before I knew who he was, as a physicist he is intellectually brilliant."

"And as a father?"

She hardly skipped a beat.

"If he had spent as much time parenting as he did trying to prove string theory then no doubt he would've been brilliant."

"Well you speak your mind, I give you that."

Brushing over her statement, Clare briskly moved onwards.

"And now for our next order of business."

"Which is?"

"I have a question I wish to ask you."

"Ask away."

She didn't waste time, she was quick and to the point.

"Did you ever hold me before you left?"

Amy's face fell, a look of disappointment and regret filling her eyes.

"Uh no, no I didn't."

Clare opened her arms out wide and moved in towards Amy.

"Here's your chance, don't miss it."


	15. Chapter 15

Amy could hardly believe what was happening, for the first time she was holding her daughter and it felt amazing.

She allowed herself to run her fingers through her hair that felt so similar to her own. She couldn't help but inhale the scent of strawberry bubble gum and the smell of her coconut shampoo. Clare stood at a few inches taller than her and if Amy was to take a guess, she would presume her to be only an inch shorter than Sheldon, yet the brightly coloured jeans and matching converses strongly highlighted Howard's influence

Sooner than what Amy would've liked, Clare brought the embrace to an end.

"You have no idea how much that meant to me."

Clare merely nodded, stepping fully into the hotel room and giving it a sweeping glance.

"So uh, how long have we got before Doctor Cooper gets back?"

"He won't be."

She looked up at her with curiosity.

"Why not?"

"Well after last night's events, I proposed we terminate our relationship. Affective immediately,"

"And did he object?"

She shook her head.

"I didn't leave him with a chance."

Without invitation Clare pulled up a seat and sat down.

"So the terms of the break up have not been recognised and agreed to by both parties?"

Amy paused, considering her words.

"Well not exactly."

"So technically Doctor Cooper wasn't given a fair trial in which he could've had the freedom to express himself and present to you some solutions which could've rectified your problem?"

"Technically no, but..."

Clare waved a dismissive hand.

"You know what? It doesn't matter. From what I've heard he isn't exactly someone who deserves a second chance."

There was a silence in the moments that followed. Amy studied the young girl's eyes, she noted how tired and blood shot they seemed.

"You look sleep deprived."

"Just another bad dream."

"The tone of your statement seems to suggest that this is a frequent occurrence."

"They began around the time I hit adolescence and have slowly worsened since my mother's death."

Amy pulled out the chair next to Clare's and took a seat.

"I know how you feel."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Do you have similar experiences?"

"I do. Almost every night."

Clare took her time in replying, it was clear to Amy she was mulling over the statement and considering her words.

"It could just be a simple coincidence, nightmare aren't uncommon." Her voice had an element of uncertainty, which suggested to Amy that she herself did not believe in her own theory.

"You could be right."

"Hmmm, I never immediately presume I'm right, Dad told me that making people feel inferior isn't a good way of making friends."

"And do you think they're inferior?"

She shook her head.

"No everyone is clever in their own way, right?"

In that moment, a piece of Sheldon seemed to melt away from the young girl, leaving behind the modesty, love and empathy nurtured into her by Howard and Bernadette.

"That's right."

Clare nervously twiddled with her hair, unsure of how to move the conversation along.

"So May, what is it you do?"

"I work in the field of biology."

Clare visibly became more comfortable in her company, her face lighting up in excitement.

"Just like my mom did?"

Amy held back from belittling Bernadette's area like she once had.

"No, I'm a neurobiologist and she was a microbiologist."

"Oh well. Even so, they're both fascinating areas."

Amy hadn't expected her response to have been so positive.

"Well I didn't expect that."

"Why wouldn't I be encouraging?"

"Well Sheldon thinks my field is just a load of studying squishy stuff."

Clare crossed her arms, a look of frustration spreading across her features.

"Well I'm not Doctor Cooper and I resent the association, as far as I'm concerned my dad is an engineer with a master's degree."

Amy instantly regretted her choice of words. It was clear that Sheldon was still a raw area for Clare.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong and of course I understand your desire to distance yourself from him."

Clare allowed her features to soften.

"No I'm sorry, I'm sure he has good points but..."

"But...?"

Clare suddenly got to her feet and made her way towards the door.

"I'm sorry May, I shouldn't have bothered you."

"No please don't leave, let me be part of your world."

Clare was stunned by the desperation in her voice, so much so it stopped her in her tracks.

"I just..."

"You just what? Whatever it is, I'll do it."

Clare decided not to dwell too much on the overwhelming pity she was starting to feel for her and proceeded onwards.

"I know all about his undesirable traits that lead to me being handed over, but what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Tell me about why you left."

Despite her previous promise of doing anything Clare wanted, Amy found herself unwilling.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

She took a deep breath and looked her full in the eyes.

"Because I can't bear the thought of you feeling the same way about me as you do Sheldon."

Clare reached out to her, taking hold of her hand and giving it a warm squeeze.

"Well I don't have enough hate for both of you and if I'm being honest I don't even have enough for him."

Amy closed her flat palm so that she was gripping Clare's hand before slowly interlacing their fingers together.

"Then I won't lie to you."

_Amy Pov._

_Amy watched as Nurse Sanderson placed the newborn into the crib at the end of her hospital bed._

"_Well she's healthy and very cute, there's not a lot more you can ask for."_

_Amy merely shrugged. Nurse Sanderson had been in charge of her care since she was admitted to hospital the night before and it was clear to Amy that the nurse was concerned over her distant behaviour._

_It was obvious from her greying hair and well worn uniform that she had been in her job longer than she cared to remember and had over the years seen it all. She had a firm but fair bedside manner and her cool head and calm voice often proved to be a reassuring source of support for anxious new mothers._

"_I'm sure she would love a cuddle off her mommy."_

_Amy turned to face her._

"_On the contrary she's seems perfectly happy where she is."_

_Nurse Sanderson had never considered herself to back down easily, she always had her patient's best interests at heart and if her persistence got through to them, then she was willing to try anything._

"_C'mon now Amy, you haven't so much as looked at her since she was born."_

"_I'm tired."_

_Nurse Sanderson placed a firm yet reassuring hand on her shoulder._

"_Even if it was just for a few seconds, just let her know you're here for her."_

_Amy shook her head, avoiding eye contact with the concerned Nurse._

"_Howard will be back any minute, it's him she likes."_

_She stated the facts, she was assertive yet truthful and remained without judgement._

"_We both know why that is, don't we Amy?"_

_Once more she only shrugged._

"_It's because he's been holding her, he held her all this morning, changed her and gave her her bottle."_

"_What's wrong with that?"_

"_It should by her mommy doing all that."_

"_I know and I will."_

"_So you might as well dive in now then?"_

_Amy looked doubtful as she caught a glimpse of the tiny infant._

"_I'm not to sure about this..."_

_Nurse Sanderson painted on a sympathetic smile for her, deciding to change her tact._

"_Okay we'll give her another hour of napping and we'll talk about it later."_

_The sound of the door opening brought the subject to an immediate close, leaving Amy with no chance to reply, agree or protest._

"_There she is, my favourite nurse."_

_Attempting to hide her smile, she turned to face him._

"_Well Mr Wolowitz, it makes a nice change to have it said to me rather than those young ones who are twenty years younger._

_Amy rolled her eyes._

"_Howard please, you're a married man."_

_Suddenly embarrassed, he made to change the subject, gesturing to the bag in his hand._

"_I got her something."_

"_How would Bernadette react if she knew you bought another woman a gift?"_

_He reached into the bag and produced a pink care bear._

"_I meant I got the baby something."_

_Upon receiving no response off Amy, Nurse Sanderson went over to the crib and brought the baby closer to the bed._

"_Look what your daddy has got you."_

_Howard and Amy exchanged a look of surprise._

"_Oh I'm not... what I mean is... just because I'm here doesn't mean that... I mean when she said I was a married man... she didn't mean that I was her..."_

_He trailed off, feeling his cheeks flush red in embarrassment. _

_Amy looked over at her._

"_I do believe his embarrassment stems from the fact that her father has refused to show up and that makes him uncomfortable, resulting in him being unable to form a sentence without mumbling or stuttering."_

_He let out a nervous laugh, offering her an uneasy smile._

"_This only proves my point further."_

_Howard quickly thought, desperate to lighten the atmosphere._

"_So Nurse Sanderson, did you say what your name is?"_

"_Yes it's Nurse Sanderson."_

_He raised his eyebrow._

"_Okay then, let's try this again. What does your ma call you?"_

_She relaxed into an affectionate laugh. The night before he had proved himself to be a good person to have around when support was needed. Throughout the night he had remained upbeat and had kept everyone entertained with his magic tricks and bad jokes. _

_Nurse Sanderson had learned a lot whilst working on the maternity ward and one of them was that men usually had a tendency to freak out when placed in situations like that one. Not him though, he didn't falter once._

"_Well she's a bitter old lady in her mid nineties, so she has a wide selection of various insults that she enjoys flinging at me."_

"_C'mon how bad could it be?"_

_She smirked, readjusting the young baby in her arms._

"_Well I think it's a perfectly average name."_

"_Now there's a coincidence."_

"_It's is?"_

_He nodded, sending a flirty wink her way._

"_I am a massive fan of perfectly average names."_

"_Ok, I'll tell you but it's nothing to get excited about."_

"_Too late for that, I'm delirious with excitement."_

_She placed the baby back into the cot and extended her hand._

"_Clare Sanderson, pleased to have met you last night."_

_He took her hand and placed a kiss on it._

"_Oh believe me, the pleasure is all mine."_

_A familiar Texas accent from behind him, caused him to jump in surprise._

"_Seriously Howard? She must be at least fifty and you're married."_

_He stared down at the ground in embarrassment._

"_I was just being friendly."_

_Mary stepped past him, placing a light hand on his shoulder before perching on the edge of Amy's bed._

"_So how are you feeling?"_

_Amy left no time for the exchanging of pleasantries, she was keen to cut straight to the point and she wasn't going to waste time._

"_Where's Sheldon?"_

_An uncomfortable looking Howard spoke up from where he was stood._

"_Well would ya look at that, my phone is ringing."_

_Clare looked at him in disbelief._

"_That's the only thing you could come up with?"_

"_C'mon Clare let's step out, I'm sure another baby needs delivering."_

_Mary watched as Howard and Clare walked away before she gestured to the crib._

"_May I?"_

"_I see no reason why not."_

_Slowly she pulled back the sheets and took a look in._

"_Oh my, well aint she a beauty?"_

"_With all due respect Mrs Cooper, you still haven't answered my question."_

_She kept her eyes on the infant. She took in he young features, watching her chest rise and fall as she softly slept._

"_He was still in bed when I left for the hospital."_

"_Does he not care at all?"_

_Mary nervously chewed her bottom lip. Still she didn't dare look up, she kept her eyes on the baby and lightly stroked her soft cheek with her little finger._

"_Well you know Shelly, he's just..."_

"_No, no I don't .What is he just?"_

_This time she diverted her gaze upwards and said a silent prayer. She wanted forgiveness for what she was about to say. She had always believed in having belief in her children however right now she didn't and she couldn't quite shake off the feeling that she was about to condemn her own son._

"_He's just plain selfish."_

_Her religion had always had strong teaching against lies and deceit however when it had came down to it, she knew that her faith had had zero influence on her sudden act of honesty. Amy deserved more than a lie and her granddaughter deserved more._

_Amy attempted to mask her hurt._

"_But he'll come round. Won't he?"_

_Finally she forced herself to look the other woman in the eye. _

" _Oh Amy sweetheart, Last night he spent four hours working on a physics paper, then the Lego came out and after that he played world of war craft."_

_The words hurt to voice aloud. She had never thought she would ever have to talk about her own child in the way that she was now. The words felt like a venomous poison, if she didn't get them out they would choke her._

"_What are you trying to say?"_

_Amy had always considered herself as an intelligent person and if she was to be honest with herself, she knew exactly what she meant._

"_Some men are meant to be fathers; my Shelly isn't one of them."_

_Panic and desperation arose in Amy's voice._

"_But he can learn right? Maybe if he sees her, he'll change his mind."_

_Mary had had sworn to herself that she wasn't going to feed her any lies, however hard it was she was going to stick to the truth._

"_I just can't see it happening."_

"_I don't understand why you would say this about your own son."_

"_My heart has been broken so many times by him. I can't bear to see him do the same to my granddaughter."_

"_So what are you suggesting?"_

"_I'm suggesting you be a good mother, look after her the best way you can and you'll have your friends and family there to help."_

"_You don't understand, I can't do it without him._

"_Yes you can."_

Amy finished speaking and looked at Clare.

"So I take it you were right?"

"I was right?"

"You were right. You really couldn't do it without him."

"I'm so sorry."

Clare got to her feet and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"I agree with what Mary did and I'm not angry anymore."

"Clare, you don't understand."

She sent her a sympathetic look. She had had heard many unexpected things over the past couple of days and she was no longer hold anything against Amy, she was hurting enough as it was.

"I do understand. He was never meant to be a father, I get that. Fortunately for me I was adopted by someone who was and don't feel bad about that, my Dad is the greatest man I know and I don't want anyone else."

"Please don't write him off."

"I respect Doctor Cooper as physicist, that's what he's best at."

"He wasn't equipped for fatherhood fourteen years ago but he is now."

"Oh May, please don't do this to yourself."

Amy walked over to her handbag and pulled out a photograph, passing it over to Clare.

Clare studied it for a moment or so it was a picture of Sheldon and Amy with a young boy sat in the middle of them. Sheldon and the boy were both wearing matching green lantern T-shirts and they were all at what looked like some kind of science convention.

"What the...?"

Amy smiled at her.

"He's four years old and I don't know if you can see it but I reckon he looks exactly like you."


	16. Chapter 16

Clare clasped her hand over her mouth, letting out an involuntary gasp of shock. She studied the photo for a few seconds, occasionally bringing her eyes up to face Amy and holding her gaze for a few seconds.

"You have a son?"

"We do, his name is Stewart."

She studied the photo some more, her look of shock being replaced by one of confusion.

"When you say Stewart?"

"You're right, it's no coincidence."

"Of all the people you could've named him after and you chose..." She trailed off unwilling to get offensive.

"Story for another day, it involves pumpkin lattes and gate crashing a film."

"And where is he now?"

"He's in Texas, we left him with Sheldon's sister for the week."

Clare released the photo from her grip and allowed it to fall to the ground. She stared off into the far corner of the room, determined to keep herself distanced.

"Why would you do that?"

A look of surprise and misunderstanding dominated Amy's features.

"Do what?"

"Tell me about him! You and Doctor Cooper left me and now you come back and it's not enough that you've put all this pressure on me and Dad, you have now thrown this at me. It's almost emotional blackmail."

Amy took a step back, unsure of how to respond to the unexpected outburst.

"I assure you, that was not my intention."

"Why have you done this? Why did you come back?"

Amy led her over to the bed and placed a hesitant hand on her arm, slowly lowering them down so they were sitting.

"Doctor Cooper and I intended to get married. We have been together for quite some time now, Sheldon was quite happy to draw up the marriage agreement and of course his mother naturally disapproved of us having a second child out of wedlock."

Clare couldn't help but laugh.

"And who says romance is dead?"

"Actually it was going to be a pretty good day, I'd bought my dress and we were going to have a make your own Sunday bar and everything."

"Then why call it off? My logic tells me that you obviously see past all of his faults or you wouldn't have stuck with him this long."

"Clare, you have built up this image of him in your head and it's all wrong."

"It can't be that far from the truth considering you've called off the wedding."

Amy sighed, offering her a half-hearted smile.

"How has it been?"

"Be more specific."

"Life as a Wolowitz, how'd it turn out?"

She was quiet for a moment as she pondered over her question. It was hard to define her life, it was filled with countless memories.

"Well up until three years ago we were a family of four; me, Mom, Dad and Grandma."

"Tell me about it."

She nodded and proceeded onwards.

"Well we lived with grandma until she died when I was eleven. She was very loud and on occasions somewhat terrifying. I used to have to help her with dress shopping and she was very good at story telling especially the three little pigs."

Amy had encountered Mrs Wolowitz in the past and she would've had to have agreed on the terrifying and loud part.

"I met her at Howard and Bernadette's wedding, she was certainly a unique woman."

"You could say that. She used to make brisket, it would melt in your mouth and there was always rivalry for dad's attention between her and mom, but I was always his favourite."

"I bet she wasn't happy about that."

"Nope. Grandma was especially mad when he played dolls with me, instead of sorting out her bunions."

"Forgive me for saying this, but you don't exactly seem the doll kind."

"I was. I had a doctor who action figure, a cuddly koala, a headless Barbie and a Darth Vader. They had some great times together especially Barbie and Darth Vader."

"A headless Barbie?"

"Well she hadn't always been headless. They also all lived together in a pink doll house and they drove around in Barbie's car, although it didn't fit them all in, so I had to drive Barbie and Darth Vader to the end of the garden first and then come back for the Koala bear and doctor who."

Amy couldn't help but feel aggrieved over missing out on this, before she hadn't been aware of the tiny details of her daughter's life and hearing about them now only worsened her guilt. Despite all that, she couldn't help but want to hear more.

"So uh, what did they do once they were at the end of the garden?"

Clare kept a straight face and her tone of voice remained serious, almost as if she was discussing an urgent matter that needed to be thought through in meticulous detail.

"They drove back again. What other option did they have?"

"Well it sounds great fun."

"It was. Well at least up until the day I left the car on the sofa."

There was something about the way she said it, that filled Amy with an irrational sense of dread over the fate of the toy car.

"What happened?"

"Grandma sat on it. The sheer weight of her caused it to collapse in on itself. In seconds it went from a toy car to a two dimensional line segment that wouldn't look out of place in flat land."

"Oh, that must've been..."

"Fortunately Mr Koala had been in my room when the accident happened however Doctor Who, Darth Vader and Barbie had been keen to watch wheel of fortune with us."

Amy had had experience of broken toys with her son however she was at a loss of what to say on this one.

"I take it they met the same fate as the car?"

"Your prediction has proved accurate, we were able to salvage Barbie and Doctor who from the wreckage however Darth Vader didn't stand a chance."

"How did Barbie take it?"

"Well not only was she headless, she was now without her left leg."

Amy was torn between whether to laugh hysterically or offer her a few words commiseration.

"Tough break."

"I should say. My parents nearly divorced over it."

Amy's jaw literally dropped.

"Over a toy car?"

"Yeap. Mom used it as a reason to try and persuade dad to get a place of our own, he refused though."

"That's Howard for you."

Deciding to ignore her statement, Clare brushed over the comment and continued onwards.

"Anyway mom went bat crap crazy and told him she was leaving with or without him."

"And did she?"

"Yes, she put me in the car and we went to live with Uncle Leonard and Aunty Penny."

"How long for?"

"Um I'd say an hour, maybe two. Dad didn't take long in apologising and they agreed to stick to the original plan of waiting until she died, flipping her mattress and then moving into her room. "

Upon receiving nothing other than a stunned silence off Amy, Clare expanded on the topic.

"Dad told me if mum had left on her own, he would've played hard to get and would've waited at least until after lunch before he came crawling."

"Well that sounds..."

"Oh trust me, it wasn't all that bad .We loved her really, it's just she found it hard to accept at times that dad had built a family for himself instead of focusing all his time on her."

She suddenly cut the conversation short and got to her feet. She hadn't wanted Amy to see her get upset; Clare had lost both her grandmother and mother in the space of three years and she doubted that she would understand the depth of her grief.

"Clare?"

"I'd never seen my dad cry before, not until grandma died. Mom picked me up early from school and when we got back home, he was really upset and he tried to hide that he'd been crying but he couldn't."

Amy merely nodded to signal understanding. She was silently screaming inside, desperately wishing that it was her and Sheldon she was referring to as Mom and Dad."

"It was alright though, me and mom helped him through it. We finally had the house as our own and it was great for a while."

"Until she got ill?"

She shoved her hands into her pockets and sighed to herself.

"I always visit her graveside but I know there is more to her than that, I know why dad doesn't visit her."

Despite the sadness etched on her face, Amy could hear passion on her voice. It was clear from the way she spoke that Bernadette had made a huge impact on her life.

"More to her?"

"She was here once and she was my mother. I have so many memories of her and I don't care how dead she is, I still love her and always will."

Amy opened her mouth to reply however no words came out, no words that she could offer seemed like they be of any help to the heartbroken teenager.

Clare quickly composed herself and brought the matter to a close.

"Enough about me, I'm baffled by the notion that Doctor Cooper could so easily walk away from his first born, yet have the capability to love and nurture a second child who happens to come from the same mother."

Amy blinked a few times. It was only a few seconds ago that she was talking with such powerful human emotion and within a blink of an eye she was talking as if she was pondering over some sort of scientific equation.

"Well he's not as hands on as I'd like him to be."

"But he's there for him, he's given himself the chance to be a father."

"You changed him Clare."

Clare took a step back in shock. From all the versions of events she had heard over the past couple of days, it had seemed to her like she had barely made any impact on his life.

"May, I know you mean well but..."

"I'm being serious. The night he gave you up was a real turning point for him."

"I would count giving up your child as a low point."

"You don't understand. The night he left was unplanned, Leonard fell asleep on the sofa and Sheldon made the impulsive decision to throw a load of his stuff into a bag and leave his life in Pasadena, without any plans of what he was going to do or where he was going to go."

Clare shrugged.

"So?"

"He had never done anything like that before. There was no obsessive planning like he normally would've done. He just went for it and didn't dwell on the chaos."

"He did what you did, you left and he followed."

Amy shook her head in disagreement.

"When I left I didn't know what was going to happen to you, I couldn't cope with his rejection and I just left. Sheldon on the other hand, didn't leave until he made sure you were going to be looked after."

Clare raised her eye brow.

"Go on."

"He had always thought he was superior in every way to Howard. After all, he was the one with the doctorate."

"Only a master's degree aside, he is a better father than what he ever will be."

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"That was exactly what Doctor Cooper said."

"So tell me, what has changed since then?"

"Everything he did that night had surprised him. He did all of that stuff and on top of that he moved to Europe, before he would never have dreamt of doing any of that yet somehow he did."

"So what you're saying is, he became more open to change?"

"Yes, he had broken the habit of a lifetime and it changed him into a better man."

Clare gave herself no time to ponder her words. Instead she made her way towards the exit.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to see this for myself."


	17. Chapter 17

Leonard Hofstader stood in the hall way, shaking the hand of his soon to be former neighbour.

"Well, good luck with the move."

Leonard had met Kieran fourteen years ago. He was a business man from New York who had transferred to Pasadena. After Sheldon had left, Leonard had found himself unwilling to live in the apartment, so he had decided to rent it out and Kieran had proved himself to be a suitable candidate.

"Thanks, it's been a good few years."

"I'll certainly miss occasionally passing you on the stairs."

Kieran brought the handshake to an end and reached into his pocket to retrieve the keys.

"Well I won't be needing these anymore."

Leonard couldn't help but feel a certain sense of Deja vu, he himself had once been in Kieran's shoes. He had packed all his belongings up and handed the keys over. He couldn't tell whether Kieran was as upset about it as he once was.

He could still remember having to pack up Sheldon's room, he had put it off until the very last moment. Even now he could still picture the scene of chaos in the once immaculate room. The wardrobe had been emptied and the clothes he didn't take had simply been strewn all over the floor, the sock draws had been pulled open and left open and the waste paper bin and lamp shade had been knocked over.

As well as the mess there were other things that had surprised him, the comic books were left behind and he had taken his laptop yet left his work on the desk.

It was obvious he had left in a hurry; the Sheldon he thought he knew, would never have done that unless there was a very good reason.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep for but it was obvious to him that Sheldon wasn't going to take any chances.

"I best be off." Kieran announced, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Oh yeah, good luck."

"You too mate, take care of that son of yours, he's gonna be a bright one."

Leonard nodded, offering him a smile.

"Have a safe trip."

He watched as Kieran made his way down the stairs. After a few seconds he could no longer hear his foot steps padding down the four flights of stairs and that's when he placed the key in the door.

As he stepped in and an immediate sense of familiarity hit him, it felt like home. When Kieran had moved out he had left behind the sofa and two arm chairs but other than that the apartment was bare.

Taking small cautious steps he walked further into the room, only pausing when he reached the sofa. When he had rented out the apartment he had left it behind. He never expected it to be the same one after all this time, yet it was clear that Kieran was one for making his furniture last.

He couldn't sure how long he had been stood there, it wasn't until he heard a voice from behind him, that he realised he'd been transfixed on it.

"What's so fascinating about it?"

Startled he quickly spun around to face the voice.

"Oh Clare, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."

"Well I've been speaking to May and I've concluded the only way to get a full picture of what happened is to speak to Doctor Cooper."

He resisted the urge to correct her, once Clare got something into her head there was no changing her mind.

"Oh right, so how is she?"

"Full of surprises. You know just this morning, she revealed her and Doctor Cooper had a son.

Her casual nature of revealing the momentous revelation, made him think he may that he may have misheard.

"As in another child?"

"Yes, he's four and his name is Stewart."

In that moment it was as if he'd walked straight into a brick wall, within in a split second he went from relatively calm to a babbling wreck.

"But they... He didn't ... they were..."

"Are you going to finish your sentences or is this how the rest of the conversation is going go?"

He slowly sunk down onto the sofa, shaking his head in disbelief.

"How? It's just I never thought... I mean he never said."

She looked away from him and glanced over the hallway.

"Listen, I know you're in shock but I really need to talk to Doctor Cooper."

Leonard anxiously chewed on his thumb nail, offering her an apologetic look.

"I'm not sure where he is, I woke up this morning and he'd wasn't in the apartment."

She allowed her shoulders to slump, diverting her eyes to the ground as she did so.

"Oh, you mean he left again?"

"His mother left for Texas last night, I can only assume he went with her."

Deflated she took a seat next to him.

"I can't miss what I never had, right?"

He shifted in his seat, so he was facing her.

"You know, I wish my mother had done for me what Doctor Cooper did for you."

"What has he ever done for me?"

He placed a hesitant hand on her knee, his relationship with his mother was a strained one however if talking about it helped Clare, he was willing to do it.

"My mother couldn't love me in a way that I needed to be, she belittled everything I did and at times I felt more like one of her psychology experiments."

"I had no idea."

"She never showed me any affection and she had no empathy for how I felt."

Clare placed her hand over his and gave it a brief squeeze.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Can you see what I'm saying here? Sheldon would've been exactly the same as her and you would have felt how I did. Pushed out, neglected and out of place."

She shook her head.

"But you don't know that."

"But I do, even Sheldon knew that. That's why he handed you over to someone who could love you."

"And that somehow makes up for him leaving me?"

"Listen I wanted Sheldon to be a father to you. After Amy left, I practically had to rip you out of Howard's arms."

She furrowed her eye brows together, her mouth curving downwards into a sceptical frown.

"Why?"

"By that stage you were about a week old and he had been with you since the moment you were born, Amy had left and we were away at some concert."

"Really?"

"Yes. He's didn't leave your side once and he hated the thought of handing you over to be cared for by someone as robotic as Sheldon."

"Tell me what happened, I need to know."

"Alright, if you really wanna know, I'm not going to hide anything."

_Leonard P.O.V_

_Leonard watched as Bernadette fiddled with the hem of her skirt, they had arrived at the hospital an hour ago and were wondering what to do._

"_Penny called, she can't get out of her shift." He said in hopes of breaking the silence._

_Bernadette got to her feet and walked over to the door frame, looking in on Howard._

"_I'm worried about him."_

"_In what way?"_

"_He's not put her down since we got here, he seems really attached to her."_

"_Oh he's just..."_

_He stopped talking and diverted his eyes to the ground, she was right and he couldn't bring himself to deny it._

"_Have you seen the way he looks at her? He doesn't even want to leave the room."_

_Leonard nervously chewed his bottom lip, he had been there only an hour and already it was evident to him that his friend had gotten too close._

"_Well, I just gotta get her back to Sheldon."_

"_Are you for real?"_

_He suppressed his doubts. He wasn't going to think too deeply about this. He had convinced himself that once he took her home, everything would be fine. Sheldon would warm to the idea and Amy would return._

"_Sure, he's her father and I gonna make him realise that."_

"_Have you even thought this through?"_

"_What's there to think about?"_

_He left her no chance to reply, instead he strode into the hospital room and picked up the baby carrier that was next to the cot._

"_Howard, let me take her now."_

_Howard readjusted the baby in his arms and took a step backwards._

"_She's better off here."_

"_Seriously now, hand her over." His voice was firm and insistent yet did nothing to convince his friend._

"_He hasn't been in to see her, not once has he been."_

_Leonard took a step towards him, lifting up the baby carrier to emphasise his point._

"_I'll take her off you either way, so just give her to me."_

_Howard narrowed his eyes at Leonard and pulled her in closer to him._

"_She's not a football, you can't just tackle her off me."_

_Bernadette intervened, walking over to where her husband was stood and placing a comforting hand on his cheek._

"_Howie please, just give her to Leonard."_

"_Why aren't you backing me up on this?"_

"_Because you're going to get hurt. If you don't let her go now, it will be even harder later."_

"_And you think this is right?"_

_Bernadette gave him no answer, instead she gently prised the small infant out of his arms and slowly lowered her into the carrier, which in turn earned a shrill cry of protest from the young baby who was clearly distressed from being pulled away from the one person who had been caring her._

_Leonard gently rocked the carrier in attempts to calm her whilst trying to ignore the look of heartbreak and anger that was plastered across his friend's face. Leonard wasn't a nasty person, his aim was to do what was best for Sheldon and hurting Howard in the process wasn't something he had planned on._

"_Howard, I'm sorry but you know this makes sense. Right?"_

_Howard's response was left unvoiced due to the arrival of nurse Sanderson._

"_The doctor says she should be fine to go home."_

_Howard brought his eyes up to meet hers._

"_Seriously Clare, you can't honestly agree that this is for the best."_

_Clare Sanderson had been a nurse for many years and she had never really come across a case as unique as this one. She had seen parents struggle to commit themselves but she had never someone step into the role for them. It was clear to her that he had loved her from the moment he held her and that the thought of separation was killing him._

_Despite her own feelings, Clare always prided herself on her tact and sensitivity and this time was no exception._

"_With no mother, she'll need her father more than ever."_

_She thought she had chosen her words well, she had said just enough not to reveal her true feelings. She had kept it to herself that she believed Howard became her father from the second she was born._

_Howard exhaled loudly, allowing his shoulders to slump._

"_I've not been to work in nearly a week."_

_A look of worry came across his wife features._

"_No sweetie, let's just go home. Your mother has made dinner and we can watch that new DVD you bought."_

_He shook his head, trying to swallow back the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him._

"_I've got some stuff I was working on and it needs completing."_

"_What kind of stuff?"_

"_You know what Bernie? I don't interrogate you on your work so do the same for me."_

_She took a step back, slightly taken aback by his defensiveness. Unable to think of a tactful comeback, she retaliated just as viscously._

"_Snap out of it, you've become way too attached to little Shamy junior."_

_He visibly flinched, taking in a sharp intake of breath._

"_That's low Bernadette."_

"_It was you that came up with it. When Amy first said she was pregnant, you thought it was hilarious."_

"_It's different now." He merely stated. _

_Without making eye contact, he stormed out the room and broke into run as he reached the corridor, leaving Bernadette stunned by their fiery confrontation._

_She let out a nervous laugh._

"_I'll go talk to him."_

_Clare who had been watching looked up._

"_Give him a few hours, this isn't something he will get over in a hurry."_

_Bernadette let out a loud sigh before leaning over and taking hold of the young baby's little hand._

"_You stop crying now, because you're going to be alright."_

_The newborn continued to cry out, becoming evermore restless._

"_It's gonna be okay sweetie, me and Howie will be your favourite aunty and uncle and I'm sure mommy will be back for you any day now."_

_Her reassurances made, Bernadette quickly exited, hoping to find a way of making things right again._

_Leonard waited until she was out of sight before he looked over at Clare._

"_Hmmm, we'll really have to think of a better name than little Shamy junior."_

A voice from the direction of the door abruptly cut Leonard off.

"Curiouser and curiouser. So when Howard stopped holding you, you cried?"

Clare turned around to face the question put to her.

"Doctor Cooper with all due respect my memory is good but it's not that good. We can only take Uncle Leonard's word for it."

"On the contrary I don't think he's that wrong because I distinctively remember that when I held you, you cried."


	18. Chapter 18

Clare pulled herself off the sofa and crossed the room so she was facing Sheldon. She looked him up and down once or twice, taking in all his features.

She observed his height; to most people he would be considered tall. Not to Clare though, when she stood next to him there was barely even an inch difference between them.

"What are your views on low door frames?"

He thought for a moment, to most people it would've seemed like an odd question. To him it was a connection being made.

"I don't care for them. If your duck is out by even a little, you can be as sure as anything that you're going hit your head."

"I've been there."

"Indeed. Although being this height has its benefits; such as being able to reach top shelves. It can also have its drawbacks."

She gave him a nod of understanding.

"I know, did you know once mom and dad took me to the theme park and we didn't go on any rides?"

"Why ever not?"

"Because they were too short to get on the rides that I could get on and the ones they were big enough for I was too tall to go on."

"Like the teacups?"

"Exactly the teacups, mom and dad fitted in nicely and my legs would've had to have dangled over the side."

"Don't even get me started on those bumper cars."

"I've yet to find one I can fit into."

Sheldon placed a hand on her shoulder, leaving Leonard surprised by how natural it seemed. A far cry from the man he was when he last saw her.

"May I make an observation?"

"You may."

"Despite being a little taller than what is deemed average for a girl of your age range, I would like to point out that I think you posses a certain quality that I would class as relatively good looking."

Clare was unsure of whether to take this as a compliment. She was pleased he had said it to her however it seemed a far cry from being the most beautiful girl Howard had ever seen.

In the end a response was not needed.

"My God, I'm glad I was sat down for that one." Leonard remarked.

Sheldon moved his hand away from Clare and looked over at him.

"Sarcasm?"

"No, definitely not sarcasm."

Clare held up her hand to signal them to stop talking.

"Uncle Leonard was in the middle of filling me in about the night you left and he didn't quite finish."

"Now why would he do that? You are aware that he fell asleep on the sofa?"

Leonard got to his feet, rolling his eyes as he did so.

"Well it's a good job you're here then. I'll tell her everything that happened up until the point where I fell asleep and then it's over to you."

Sheldon crossed his arms before letting out a defeated sigh.

"Very well."

Leonard gestured to the space on the sofa that Clare had previously been sat in.

"I take it you'll be wanting your old spot back?"

She shrugged her shoulders to show indifference.

"It makes no difference to me where I sit."

A look of horror came across Sheldon's face. Over the years he had learned to ignore small issues that had once bothered him, however there was no way he was going to let that one slide.

"It makes no difference?"

"It doesn't. A seat is a seat."

Leonard gave her a pitying look.

"Oh how I wish you hadn't said that."

Clare looked over to Sheldon.

"Well it doesn't."

He walked over to the sofa and sat down in his spot. He took a few seconds to adjust before giving her a look to show her how wrong she was.

"Did you just give me a look of haughty derision?"

"Allow me to explain how your argument of it not making a difference is a load of hokum."

"Okay. I like a challenge, give me what you've got."

Leonard protested.

"Don't you think we're getting a little off topic here?"

"I'm sure Doctor Cooper will be prompt in explaining."

Sheldon cleared his throat, emphasising that he was keen to start.

"In an ever changing world, this spot was the single point of consistency in my life."

"Did you ever think to sit somewhere else? Have a bit of variety in your life."

Leonard exhaled loudly. They had gone from discussing the delicate matter of a parent walking out on their child to debating why Sheldon's spot was the best place to sit.

"No absolutely not, this spot is the only sittable place in the apartment."

"Sittable isn't a real word."

Leonard couldn't help but smile.

"She got you there."

Brushing over their comments Sheldon proceeded onwards.

"This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer."

She hardly skipped a beat.

"Then why would you need it now then?"

"What are you getting at here?"

"What I'm getting at is that we are currently in the middle of autumn. What you have just said will only benefit you in winter and summer."

Leonard spoke up.

"She got you again."

"Okay, but that's not the only benefit that this spot holds."

"I'm listening."

"It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct so that it would discourage conversation nor at an angle that would causes a parallax distortion."

"That's a great point Doctor Cooper, absolutely brilliant."

"Thank you Clare, I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking."

"I'm afraid there's a but."

"How could there possibly be a but?"

She pointed to the empty space where the television once stood.

"There is no TV, so hence forth there is nothing special about that spot."

Leonard gave her a nod of approval.

"Three in a row. I think Doctor Cooper here may finally have met his match."

For once Sheldon didn't have a clever comeback. Instead he spoke only the truth.

"Yes, I met her sixteen years ago after Wolowitz and Koothrappali entered my details into a dating website."

"So my dad and uncle Raj were the ones that got you and May together?"

"No, Howard, Raj and a dirty sock got me and Amy together." He explained, putting emphasis on Amy's name.

"A dirty sock?"

"Yes, they hid a dirty sock somewhere in the apartment and wouldn't tell me where it was, unless I met up with Amy. So if you think about it, you would never have been born if it wasn't for that dirty sock."

"Holy crap... that is terrifying."

"Soiled laundry always is."

Leonard rolled his eyes and took his seat on the sofa.

"You know what? I'm just gonna carry on with what I was saying."

_Leonard POV part 2._

_Leonard pulled up outside the apartment complex and rested his head against the steering wheel. He had hardly slept in two days and it was starting to catch up with him in the form of heavy eye lids and persistent yawning._

_He had drank two cups of strong coffee for the drive back ,however they had barely touched the sides and had given him a worse headache than what he had before._

_Rubbing his eyes he reached into the back and lifted the now sleeping infant into his arms. She had been initially restless however she had settled down after he placed the radio on._

"_Right you, should we go see your daddy?"_

_Although he may have sounded confident, inside he was filled with doubt and uncertainty. Describing Sheldon as daddy didn't seem right; it just wasn't a title that suited him. _

"_Uh, or we could go meet your father?"_

_He almost felt guilty for the rephrase, even from a young age he had grown up referring to his mom as mother and he wished she could have been the type of woman that he could've called mommy._

_Putting his doubts down to his sleep deprived state, he quickly climbed out the car and made his way up to the fourth floor of the building._

_All too soon he found himself outside the apartment. If this was on ordinary day, he wouldn't have had any qualms about stepping through that door, however it wasn't this was a huge day. Leonard always thought he knew Sheldon, however as he stood here now he remembered just how unreadable the man really was. The truth was that Leonard had no idea how Sheldon would react._

_Taking a steady breath he let himself into the apartment. As soon as he walked in, the sound of a Star Wars battle scene filled his ears. To his relief Raj was also in the apartment._

"_Hey you guys, what's going on?"_

_Raj was the first to look up. He offered him a smile before switching the television off, resulting in much protest off Sheldon._

"_I was watching that."_

_Leonard couldn't help but think back to when he was at the hospital, he remembered how Howard had refused to divert his gaze away from her. It was almost as if he thought that if he looked away for even a second, she would disappear into a cloud of smoke._

"_Sheldon, could you please just look over in this direction?"_

_Sheldon sighed to himself and reluctantly turned around in his seat. _

"_Why have you brought her here?"_

"_This is her home now."_

_Sheldon defiantly shook his head._

"_There was no discussion about this and I definitely did not agree to it."_

"_You can't be serious." _

"_You look like you haven't slept in days. I suggest we talk about this after you've had at least eight hours sleep."_

"_And why do you think I haven't slept?"_

_Sheldon ignored his question and turned his attention to his mobile phone._

"_What are you doing now?"_

"_It's Amy, she won't reply to any of my messages."_

_If Leonard had been in a clearer frame of mind, he would've sympathised or helped him look for her, however at the time it seemed like he was looking for another reason to avoid seeing the baby._

"_Put the phone down or it's going out the window." His voice remained at a low level yet somehow this made it seem all the more threatening._

_Raj cautiously edged over on the sofa and gently prised it out of Sheldon's hand._

"_I'm just going to put it on the table, ok?"_

_Sheldon merely nodded, keeping his eyes on Raj in attempts to avoid Leonard's disapproving glare._

"_Hey Raj, do you mind if Sheldon and I have some time to talk?"_

_Raj gave him a nod of understanding._

"_Sure, I'll call you in the morning."_

"_Let me know if you speak to Howard, he seemed pretty cut up."_

_Raj placed down the remote and gathered up his jacket. Just as he was about to stand, a firm grip on his arm stopped him._

_Looking to his side, he shouldn't have been surprised by who had hold of him. If it had been anyone else sat next to him, he wouldn't have double checked to have seen who had done it, yet what had just happened was so rare, he would've gone as far as to have said impossible._

"_Sheldon, I'm going to head off now."_

"_No need. Leonard may see this as something that needs to be discussed at great length but until I make contact with Amy, the subject is closed."_

_Raj lightly patted the hand that was covering his arm._

"_Whatever you think dude, no pressure."_

_Sheldon slowly unhooked his fingers from his friend's arm and allowed him to walk away. Raj paused as he reached Leonard. _

_He lowered his tone to a whisper._

"_Go easy on him. The way you're acting is not cool."_

"_This is Sheldon we're talking about. I'll do whatever it takes to get through to him."_

"_Whatever man, just remember what I said."_

_Leonard readjusted the baby in his arms._

"_It's gonna be fine, he'll be fine."_

_Raj glanced back at Sheldon before wordlessly exiting the apartment, leaving Leonard and Sheldon alone._

"_Hey buddy, how have you been?"_

"_She's left me Leonard." Despite the meaning in his words, there was no emotion in his voice._

"_I know, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. She might come back."_

_He slowly walked over to the sofa and took a seat next to him, his anger being gradually overridden by sympathy._

"_Has Penny heard from her? She says that Bernadette and Amy text her every detail of their lives."_

"_She's been trying to get hold of her, but no word so far."_

_Sheldon sighed and stared off into the far corner of the room, still not making any effort to look at his child._

"_I haven't spoken to her months, what do you think the odds of her calling me now are?"_

"_I honestly don't know."_

"_So now what do I do?"_

"_You hold you child, that's what you do."_

_Sheldon edged away from Leonard, a look of apprehension dominating his features._

"_She's far too tiny."_

"_C'mon, I've been holding her and Howard has hardly put her down."_

"_So?"_

"_So, she's not going to fall apart."_

_Sheldon got to his feet and slowly backed away from the sofa._

"_Even so, you should just keep hold of her."_

"_Just come and hold her. Look at her, she's beautiful."_

"_I accept your premise, but if it's all the same she seems quite contented where she is."_

_Leonard stood up to join him._

"_Just for a little bit. Please?"_

_Exhaling loudly, he reluctantly agreed._

"_Very well, if it means that much to you."_

_Despite his agreement, his arms remained firmly by his sides._

"_Well you can't hold her like that, can you?"_

"_I don't know what to do Leonard, don't make me do this."_

_Ignoring his friend's plea, Leonard continued onwards._

"_Right, do you see how I'm doing it?"_

_He merely nodded._

"_Just adjust your arms, so they look like mine."_

_Doing as Leonard ordered he slowly brought his arms up and placed them in the same position Leonard had his._

"_Right that's good, just lower them a little and close that gap, you don't want her falling through your hold."_

_He brought his arms down from above chest level to the middle of his stomach before bringing them closer together._

"_That's too far down now; just move them up a tiny a bit."_

_Doing as he was told, he copied his actions._

"_That's perfect .Now just stay still and I'm going to gently pass her over."_

_Leonard slowly shifted her over into his friend's arms, taking care not to let her go until he was sure he was holding her properly._

"_Now, support her head."_

_Satisfied that he had it right, Leonard lightly pulled away._

"_See, it's not so bad is it?"_

_Sheldon nervously bit his bottom lip and turned his head away from her._

"_C'mon Sheldon, look at her."_

_In that moment the young infant let out a shrill cry and began to squirm._

"_Take her off me Leonard."_

"_It's alright, it's alright. She'll settle down."_

"_I mean it. Take her off me."_

_Suppressing his disappointment, Leonard took her back and placed her back down into the carrier._

"_Alright, you've had a bit of a false start but that's fine."_

"_A bit of a false start? It's obvious she's not comfortable with me."_

"_It's only because she can sense that you are."_

_Leonard sat himself down on the sofa and rocked the carrier in attempts to soothe the distress infant, whilst Sheldon gingerly perched on the edge of the sofa._

"_Well she seems to be settling down a little."_

_Leonard continued to rock her for a few more minutes until she eventually stopped crying._

_Leonard let out a sigh of relief and sunk down into the sofa, rubbing his eyes and letting out a loud yawn._

_Sheldon reached over and retrieved the blanket that hung over the back of the sofa._

"_Why don't you rest your eyes?"_

"_I'm so tired." He let out a loud yawn and lay out across the sofa._

_Sheldon got to his feet and pulled the blanket over him _

"_That's it, sleep now."_

_Unable to fight it any longer, Leonard allowed his eyelids to close and all to soon he had drifted into a deeper than what he intended sleep._

"_Leonard, Leonard?" A female voice stirred him from his slumber._

_He sat up abruptly and came face to face with Penny._

"_Penny? Shouldn't you be at work?"_

_She glanced her wrist watch._

"_I finished like a half hour ago._

_Suddenly a lot more alert, he jumped off the sofa and scanned the room._

"_Where's Sheldon and the baby?"_

"_Leonard Honey, maybe you should sit down for this."_

"_No tell me now." He insisted, fear gripping him like a vice._

_She produced a piece of paper from out of her pocket._

"_I found this on your coffee table."_

_**Leonard,**_

_**If Amy won't come back to me, the only logical answer is for me to go find her. **_

_**I apologise for giving you little notice on the matter.**_

_**Yours sincerely: Sheldon Lee Cooper.**_

_**Ps. You can claim first dibs on everything that I've left behind.**_


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: The dialogue in bold is based on chapter 7 where Clare first met Sheldon.**

Upon finishing telling his version of events, Leonard was surprised to discover that at some point whilst he had been talking, Clare had taken hold of his hand and now had it in a firm grip. It seemed a mystery to him, that how after all that she had heard over the past couple of days that she would still look to him for comfort.

He placed his free hand over the top of hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Sheldon, could you step out for a minute? This is too much for her."

Clare looked up at Leonard.

"Aren't you curious as to what happened after you fell asleep?"

"I can guess."

She shook her head, bringing their handhold to an abrupt end and turning to face Sheldon.

"Taking a guess may be okay for Uncle Leonard, but not for me. I want details .I wants to know exactly what was going on in that mind of yours."

Sheldon remained silent for a while, until he eventually made eye contact with his former roommate.

"Does she need to hear this Leonard?"

Once more Leonard began chewing on his thumbnail and shifting nervously in his seat.

"Maybe, I just don't know. It's just she hasn't thought about it in as much detail as I have."

"You were fine with me hearing it a few minutes ago!"

"That was before I thought about it. Doesn't it bother you how easily he gave you up?"

In that moment Clare felt an undeniable urge to defend the man that she had felt a large amount of anger for only the night before.

"You don't know how he felt. Did one of you ever ask him what he was thinking? You all just told him how he was meant to feel and expected him to go with it."

"There was no getting through to him, he was impossible to live with and as for how he felt; well he had no empathy for anyone."

She moved over so she was sat closer to Sheldon.

"He is right here. Don't talk about him as if he's not even in the room."

Leonard sighed to himself, getting off the sofa and kneeling down in front of her, so both of his hands were placed on each of her knees.

"Clare, you're a sweet kid and you may feel some sort of obligation to defend him. But if this goes any further, he's gonna hurt you the way he hurt me."

Sheldon cleared his throat to get his attention.

"What is it?"

"In what way did I hurt you? I never set out to cause you any distress."

"I'm not saying you tried to, but I had no idea where you were. How do you think that felt?"

Before Sheldon had a chance to respond, Leonard cut him off once more.

"No wait, don't answer that. I'm not sure I'm gonna like the answer."

Moving on from his friend's comment, Sheldon turned to face his estranged daughter.

"Clare if you want to know, I'll tell you. Whether Leonard wants to hear it or not, is irrelevant."

Leonard changed from his knelt down position to being fully on his feet.

"You put me through hell!"

"What could I have done Leonard? What could I have done to have prevented you from going through hell?"

"Plenty of things! You could've talked to me, or at least had the courtesy to wake me up before you left."

"Wake you up? Now why would I have done that?"

"Because I could've then at least..."

"Stopped me from leaving?"

Leonard diverted his eyes to the ground and focused on a stain the marked the floor boards.

"Of course I would've stopped you, I would've done anything."

"And that is why I didn't wake you up."

"I just wish you could've at least responded to one of my calls, I called and called and called. Over and over I would just sit there, redialling your number leaving countless messages, just hoping that you would answer."

Clare stood up to join Leonard.

"He's here now though."

"That's no comfort Clare, I spent years trying to contact him."

"He couldn't have dropped of the radar that easily."

"Think back to the moment you first met Doctor Cooper and remember what you said to him."

She closed her eyes and thought about that moment, everything was so clear the look on her father's face, the elation she felt at meeting the genius physicist, the way Leonard nervously shifted from foot to foot.

Being asked to remember what she said was no trouble. She could hear it even now.

She had been awestruck by the man stood in front of her, she recognised him straight way from the articles she'd read on him.

**You're Doctor Sheldon Cooper aren't you?"**

She remembered how protective her father had been, he had pulled her away from Doctor Cooper and closer to himself.

**"How do you know who he is?" **At the time she hadn't picked up on how uneasy he sounded.

She had turned her head so she was looking at Sheldon.

**"You are my absolute idol, I have read all of your papers and your work on string theory is remarkable."**

She could remember how Doctor Cooper was left with no time to reply as Leonard had jumped in.

**"You never mentioned anything?"**

**"Well the thing is, he hasn't published anything new in nearly fifteen years, according to the files he left Pasadena and slipped off the radar so it may seem."**

Looking back it was starting to fall into place, she was born nearly fifteen years ago and when he left, that was when he must have stopped.

**"That would be correct, although my work is still ongoing it's just not as active as it once was."**

He wasn't exaggerating when he said not as active, Clare had studied all his work and she knew the last time he published anything was two weeks before she was born.

**"It is an absolute honour to meet you Doctor Cooper. How you never won a Nobel prize is beyond me.**"

She couldn't help but wonder if it was still such a big honour now.

"**Tell me about it."**

"**I'm constantly intrigued by how quickly your work went quiet, the year before you were always bringing out new studies and then there was a period of nine months where it started to dwindle until finally it stopped completely**_**."**_

Before it was a mystery and now it made perfect sense.

"No wonder dad had been so quick to get me out of there."

"So you see Clare, that's why I couldn't find him. He didn't want to be found and he made sure he wasn't."

Sheldon looked over at them both.

"I didn't give up on my research. I just don't draw as much attention to myself as I once did and on the rare occasion where I do something that is publish worthy, I simply go by a pen name."

"All that trouble just to get away from me?"

"No, it was for the best."

"Abandoning me?"

"I've always been a great believer in logic and logic told me that somebody else could give my daughter the love that I never could."

"And Stewart?"

"No Howard, Howard was the one that could love you more."

"Not comic book Stewart, your son! Why did you feel that you could love him?"

"Oh you know about him?"

"Yes, May told me."

"I see."

"So what about him? You couldn't love me and yet you could love him?"

"It's not as if I decided that I cared about him more than I cared for you and that's why I nurture him."

"Then what is it?"

"I have equal measures of affection for both of my offspring, it's just I loved one of them better."

"Because after ten years you finally figured out how?"

"To quote George Santanya; those who don't not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

Clare swallowed back the emotion that threatened to spill over.

"Then tell me what happened that night."

Sheldon nodded.

"I'm in no position to deny you anything."

A loud knock just outside the door, prevented them from talking. Sheldon looked up and saw Amy stood in the door way.

"Amy, what are you doing here?"

"It's Stewart."

For the first time since she met him, Clare heard real emotion in his usually robotic voice.

"Is he alright?"

"He's got a fever, it's nothing too serious but he's asking for us."

"Is Missy looking after him?"

"No. Your mother arrived back in Texas an hour ago and she's taken over."

"What do you want to do?"

"He needs us. I want to go to him."

Sheldon gave Clare a sympathetic look and got up to follow Amy.

"You can't just leave, you haven't told me everything."

Amy reached into her pocket and pulled out her mobile phone.

"Listen Clare, we have to go to Texas but take our numbers and we'll call you immediately."

"This type of thing can't be done over the phone."

Sheldon looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Then come to Texas with us."

Clare took a step back in surprise.

"I..."

"Yes, that's a great idea. Come with us."

Leonard stepped forward.

"No Amy, it is not a great idea. She's going nowhere."

Clare looked over Amy.

"It will only be for a few days. Right?"

Amy nodded.

"Then I'll meet you at the station in an hour."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thank you to Pemelamawan who told me about all the kind comments on fan forum. I went and had a look and they were brilliant so this is chapter is dedicated to all of you, enjoy! Sorry I have thank you all in author's note I'm having trouble with my password.**

Raj watched on at the scene unfolding in front of him with great concern. He had been worried about his best friend for a while now and he was certain that things had reached boiling point.

Howard was amazed by how quickly things had changed in the past twenty four hours, the morning before he had been totally oblivious to the fact his daughter knew the truth about who her real parents were and now here she stood in the middle of the living room, with a packed rucksack over her shoulder.

It was as if someone had walked up to him and punched him straight in the stomach. In that moment, breathing seemed the hardest thing in the world and he could barely stand.

"Dad? Please say something."

Looking at her face, it was clear that she was hurting just as much as he was. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her bottom lip was trembling and her green eyes were filled with childlike innocence.

"What am I supposed to say? C'mon Clare you're the genius here. Tell me what I'm meant to say."

"I don't know, maybe that you understand and you'll support me."

"You're leaving me and you expect me to understand?"

She furiously shook her head, a fresh set of tears forming and cascading at an alarming rate down her cheeks and onto the carpet.

"I would never leave you."

Under any other circumstances, the sight of his daughter this way would've been heart wrenching for him. He would've grabbed hold of her and held her until she stopped crying. He would've told her everything was going to be alright and he loved her.

He couldn't right now. Right now he couldn't make sense of anything; he was gripped with confusion, grief and anger. It was an overwhelming feeling. For the past few months it was almost as if he was drowning and now it was if someone had tied a heavy weight around him, causing him to sink right to the bottom.

"That's exactly what you're doing."

"Why can't you see this for what it is?"

"They abandon you and now they're taking you away from me. That's what this is."

Raj stepped forward and seized his friend by the shoulders.

"Listen to me, she isn't leaving you. She is going away for a few days."

"That's their plan. Tell her it's for a few days and then turn her against me."

It was hard for Raj to comprehend the state his friend was now in. He had been aware of the fact Howard was struggling to cope but he thought he would soon snap out of it, however he seemed to have only stooped lower.

"Can you hear yourself? What you're saying is crazy talk."

He tried to wriggle out of Raj's tight grip, however Raj kept him in place.

"I'm not mad. I know what's going on."

"You can't, you can't see anything clearly anymore."

Clare tightened her grip on the rucksack.

"Uncle Raj, what's happening to him?"

Raj let go of his friend's shoulder and turned to face her. He walked over to where she was stood and wrapped an arm around her.

"Let's go outside. I don't want you seeing this."

She pushed against his arm in attempts to go to her father.

"No Clare, let's go outside." He insisted pulling her away.

Howard picked up the remote off the sofa and threw it at Raj, which narrowly missed and hit the wall.

"Even you're in on it now."

"Clare, let's get you out of here. I think it's best if you're away from this."

Shocked by her father's behaviour she began to sob harder, desperately trying to free herself from Raj's grip

"No! I don't care about May or Doctor Cooper anymore. I need to be with my dad."

Raj shook his head, he needed time to think about what to do and he wasn't going to let anything influence his decision. His friend needed help and Clare needed shielding from it.

He gently pulled her out of the house and out into the garden area.

"Clare, I'm going to ask you something and I need you to be very honest."

She brought up her sleeve and wiped at her eyes.

"About what?"

He sighed, it was a question he needed to ask but the answer was not something he wanted to hear.

"He's obviously struggling. So tell me, how bad is it?"

She sunk down onto the porch and pulled her knees up to her chin.

"No."

"Yes."

She shook head.

"No."

"Yes."

Raj couldn't help but feel a strange sense of deja vu.

"I once shared an office with Doctor Cooper. I could do this all night."

"Please don't. He'll get better, I know he will."

Raj decided to change tact. Despite her young age, he knew that Clare wasn't stupid. He was going to be brutally honest with her.

"Listen Clare, I'm gonna share something with you that I haven't told anyone else."

"Don't. I can't keep secrets."

He lowered himself down onto the porch so he was sat next to her.

"I think you won't be too shocked. If you're as smart as you seem, you would have already figured it out for yourself."

"Let's hear it then."

"Now how do I put this delicately?"

"If you're going to say what I think you are, it will sound horrific whichever way you put it."

He sighed and shuffled in closer to her, he could remember a time where he used to have tea parties with her and her dolls. Now he was discussing something as serious as her dad's state of mind.

"I don't think he's going to get over this without serious help, I think he's ..."

"Say it. You think he's what?"

Raj exhaled loudly and stared off into the distance.

"I think he's lost it. He's just not himself since your mom died, I try to ignore it but I can't anymore."

She slowly nodded, he was undeniably right.

"In answer to your previous question of how bad is it?"

"Tell me everything."

"He cries himself to sleep every night and he talks to mom as if she's still here, he doesn't know that I know but I do. I think he can even see her."

"Is that everything? Because I think there's more."

"He can go days without getting out of bed, he drinks everyday and sometimes he won't even eat."

Raj bit down on his tongue in restraint, every instinct was tell him to cry for his friend but he couldn't fall apart and he wasn't going to let himself.

"Then go with Sheldon and Amy and I promise you by the time you get back, I will have done something about this."

She got to her feet and looked over at the front door.

"Can I say goodbye to him please?"

Raj merely nodded. She offered him a small smile and re-entered the house.

Looking around she spotted him at kitchen table. He wasn't angry like he was before, this time he was just sat there staring into space, with a blank look on his face. This was what she couldn't stand. The shouting and screaming proved he felt something, when he was this withdrawn she couldn't tell what he was thinking and that scared her.

"Daddy?"

Still he didn't look at her. Judging by expression on his face, he hadn't even heard.

She quickened her pace and walked into the kitchen area. Slowly she crouched down next to his chair.

"I'll be back soon. Uncle Raj is going to be here."

Despite his lack of response she continued onwards. She brought her hand and up and ran her fingers through his hair, before tucking a few loose strands behind his ear.

"I love you. Remember that."

She leant in closer and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

He looked over at her, his eyes were watery from tears that had formed but not fallen.

"Love you too, baby." His voice was barely above a whisper.

She placed her hand on top of his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"See you soon, very soon."

She took a deep breath and got to her feet making her way towards where Raj was stood.

"Don't leave him."

He reached into his pocket and passed her over a few notes.

"Use this to pay for your train ticket, I'd drive you but I've been drinking."

She leant down and placed a kiss on his cheek and with that she left. Raj waited a few seconds until she was out of ear shot before he spoke.

"Now what are we going to do with you?"


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hi all just thought I'd correct myself for a bad typo in a p chapter 19. I included a quote by George Santanya saying; "Those who don't not learn from history are only doomed to repeat it."**

**When it should have said; "Those who don't learn from history are only doomed to repeat it."**

**Sorry for the mistake.**

**This chapter is set the morning after the last one.**

Sheldon always used to love trains. Every time he went on one, he would class it as an exciting experience that never got old.

Although to every rule there was an exception and now was when that exception came.

Now as he sat in his carriage the only thing he was aware of was his former fiancé's icy glare. Reading people was never a talent he processed, however when it came to Amy he could always tell what she was thinking.

Placing down the newspaper that he had been pretending to read, he looked over to her.

"Problem?"

She exhaled loudly. It looked like she would once again have to state the obvious.

"Yes. Clare is sat on the other side of the train, two rows away from us."

"She's a tall girl, needs legs room."

Satisfied with his theory, he turned his attention back to the newspaper and feigned an interest in the crossword section. It was at times like this where carrying a pen would come in handy.

Amy leaned over to the side so she could see what Clare was doing.

"Leg room? I think you'll find she's sitting cross legged."

"Mmmm hmmm." He mumbled, turning another page of the paper.

Infuriated by his behaviour she reached over and pulled the paper away, crumpling it up as she did so.

"Will you at least listen to what I'm saying?"

He crossed his arms and childishly slumped back in his seat.

"Well considering you have just destroyed my reading material, I'm left with no other option."

A hostess pulled up with the food trolley.

"May I offer you anything to eat or drink?"

Amy leaned across the table towards him.

"Buy her a drink and take it over as a conversation starter."

He glanced over to where Clare was sitting, a look of doubt spreading across his face.

I don't know. She seems weepy."

She changed her tone to one of warning.

"Do it Sheldon."

Turning to face the hostess he pulled out his wallet.

"I'll take two..."

Amy quickly interrupted.

"Oh Really? Just two?"

He looked over to her and wore his best koala face.

"Fine. I'll take three bottles of water please."

Paying for the bottles he passed one over to Amy.

"Here's that drink I got you."

"Such a thoughtful gesture."

He thought for a moment, peeling off the label on his own.

"Sarcasm?"

"I'll let you know after you've spoken to her."

He reluctantly stood up from his seat and made his way out into the aisle, grabbing hold of the table for support when the train jolted slightly. He looked over at Amy, hoping for some sort of indication as to what to do next.

"Any idea on what I'm meant to say to her?"

"Take her the drink and go from there."

He nodded to signal agreement, yet made no effort to walk away from her. He lingered for a few seconds, keeping his eyes on Amy.

"Amy? Is it awkward being in such close quarters with me after our recent separation?"

"No, what's awkward is that our fourteen year old daughter calls me by the wrong name and that she feels she can't even sit next to us."

"Well with all due respect, you did initially mislead her by introducing yourself as May. I can see how that could lead to confusion."

"I can't be having this conversation with you right now. Just do this one thing for me and go talk to her."

Suppressing his urge to argue with her, he did as she requested. With each step he took, he became more nervous. He knew absolutely nothing about the girl he was approaching and that was a daunting thought considering what relation he was to her.

Coming up behind her, he paused for a moment and watched her for a while. She was leaning up against the table as if she had the weight of the world rested upon her shoulders and she was clutching what looked like some kind of photograph.

"I know you're behind me, I can hear you breathe."

Suddenly embarrassed, he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Mind if I sit down?"

She turned slightly so she was facing him.

"Go ahead."

There was initial feeling of surprise that she had granted him permission so quickly. He had been expecting a certain amount of reluctance on her behalf. Making the decision not to thin too deeply about it, he slid into the seat opposite hers.

"You seem to be focusing a lot of your attention on that Polaroid."

She placed it down on the table and pushed it towards him.

He studied it for a moment.

"You were very young here."

If Sheldon was to take a guess, he would say it was probably taken no more than a week after he had handed her over. Howard and Bernadette were sat side by side with the tiny infant in-between them. Clare had been all wrapped up in pink and had been fast in asleep in her parent's arms. It looked as if being parents had come naturally to Howard and Bernadette.

"I was."

He passed it back to her and placed the water on the table.

"May I offer you a beverage? I wasn't sure what you liked, so I went with water to be on the safe side."

"Thank you. You really didn't have to though."

"I think you and I both know that I needed to use something as a conversational ice breaker."

"All you had to do was pick up from where we left off at the apartment."

"And you're sure you want to hear this?"

"I'm on a train to east Texas, of course I do."

"You raise a valid point."

_Sheldon Pov._

_Sheldon knelt down beside the sofa watching his friend sleep. He had been knelt there for what must have been five minutes, to many this would seem like hardly any time at all. To him each second dragged by at a snail's pace._

_He reached over and gently removed Leonard's glasses gently placing them to the side._

_His mind was made up and his plan was thought through. With this plan came risks, if Leonard was to suddenly wake up at any point, there be no chance of him pulling it off. He would need to be fast and efficient and above all he would need to do this quietly._

_Cautiously he backed away from the sofa and took the handle of the carrier. The last thing he wanted was a shrieking baby which would inevitably awake his sleeping friend._

_Even in his head the plan sounded crazy. It was made in a split second however he wasn't going to dwell on it. If he did he knew he would quickly change his mind due to fear of the unknown._

_He shook his head in attempts to suppress his doubts, he was going to do this and he wasn't going to back out. _

_He ran into his room and closed the door behind him. Placing the carrier down on the bed, he took a proper look at the newborn._

"_Did you know that today is the third Thursday of the month?"_

_He reached under the bed and pulled out a suitcase._

"_Which makes this anything can happen Thursday. Now I'm not much of a fan myself ,but after tonight no one can ever accuse me of not embracing the tradition."_

_He glanced his wrist watch and began rushing around the room, randomly throwing clothes into the case, not even bothering to pick up the ones that had fallen to the floor._

_Running over the other side of the room he accidentally knocked over a lamp, prompting him to pack faster._

_He continued to pack, until he reached a stage where he wasn't even looking at what he was doing. He would simply pick up the nearest thing to hand and throw it in, resulting in even more mess._

_The draws were pulled open and he reached in, grabbing fistfuls of items and simply stuffing them into the bag with no regard for order or tidiness._

_He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. Looking over at the comic books he sighed to himself. He had way too many, there was no way he could fit them all in._

_In the end he settled on taking his restraining order signed by Stan Lee and his favourite Flash comic._

_Focusing on his suitcase, he ignored the chaos and zipped it shut._

"_Right, I'm gonna need you to stay quiet when we pass through the living room. Then once we're out the building, I'll let you cry all you want."_

_Taking his case in one hand and the carrier in the other, he stepped around the mess and crept through into the living room. _

_He retrieved a note pad off the side of the desk and quickly scribbled down a note of explanation. He made it short and to the point, Sheldon was never one for sentiment and now was no exception._

_Placing it down on the coffee table, he slowly made his way across the room until he was at the door. When his hand was on the door knob a feeling of elation hit him. His plan had worked._

"And once I'd left the apartment, I realised that I didn't have a clue what I was going to do with you. I'd not thought it over as well as I could've so I..."

Clare cut him off mid sentence.

"Not now."

"But you wanted to know."

"I do, it's just I want to meet my brother first. I'll meet Stewart and then you can tell me what happened."


	22. Chapter 22

Sheldon always hated Amy's car, he was sure she had bought it just to inconvenience him. He had told her at the time that it didn't matter how cheap the insurance was, when she was with someone as tall as him she needed a more spacious car.

"So Clare, how are you doing back there?"

"It feels like the blood supply to my legs has been cut off."

Amy tightened her grip around the steering wheel, she somewhat doubted Sheldon had asked out of genuine concern.

"Well Sheldon, if you learn how to drive you can get yourself a double decker bus. Would that be spacious enough for you?"

Clare leaned forward in her seat to make eye contact with Sheldon.

"You don't know how to drive? How old are you?"

"In what way is my age linked to my driving abilities?"

"Well you're an intelligent man, I just figured that you would know how to."

Amy nodded in agreement.

"You'd think so wouldn't you? But no."

"Now now Amy let's not got testy here. I'm merely pointing out that there isn't sufficient leg room within this vehicle."

"Well since the wedding has been called off, you no longer have to worry about that."

Her sudden statement had caught him off guard. He had temporarily pushed it to the back of his mind in hopes that it would simply fade into the background.

"I fail to see how your ill informed decision to call off our wedding has anything to do with this conversation. I'd be inclined to believe that you are using it as a way of gaining an advantage in this discussion."

Amy calmly drove the car over to the side of the road and brought it to a standstill.

"Get out of my car."

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard. Get out of my car."

Clare nervously shifted in her seat, this reminded her of the time when her mother left her father at a service station five hours from home, when he cut their holiday short after giving into one of his mother's demands.

"Listen May, I'm sure Doctor Cooper didn't mean to upset you. How about we just put the radio on and carry on with the journey?"

"That's a great idea. We can put it on once Doctor Cooper steps out."

"No I meant was..."

She was left with no time to finish her sentence as Sheldon got out without protest. He glanced his wrist watch and looked over at Clare.

"It should take me an hour to walk there, see you then."

"Why can't you just apologise?"

"Oh Clare, I will never be sorry for speaking the truth. If Amy can't handle that, then I'll just have to walk."

Unable to provide a response Clare merely nodded, slightly bowing her head down as she did so.

Suppressing his guilt Sheldon diverted his gaze over to Amy.

"Tell Stewart that Daddy will be with him soon."

Clare visibly flinched. She wondered if he ever considered himself as her Daddy or was she always meant to be a Wolowitz?

If Howard hadn't been prepared to look after her, what would Sheldon have done with her?

She cleared her throat.

"May, I'd rather you didn't leave him at the side of the road."

Amy relaxed her tight grip on the steering wheel, allowing her features to soften. If she was going to win her trust, she would have to play along.

"Get back in."

Leaving her with no chance to change her mind, he quickly jumped back in and promptly closed his door.

"Thank you Amy."

"You are to remain quiet for the rest of the journey."

Deciding not to argue with her he leant over and switched on the radio, turning it up high to mask the uncomfortable silence.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up outside Sheldon's mother's house and only then the silence was broken.

"Try and at least act happy to be here." Amy requested to a less than impressed Sheldon.

"I just want to see my son. I don't care where the heck we are, just as long as I see him."

Clare had been of the opinion that Sheldon lacked human touch however there was something about the way he spoke about his boy that made her see him in a whole different light.

"I can't wait to meet him."

Amy turned around in her seat so she was facing her.

"He'll be very excited to meet you too. Won't he Sheldon?"

"I shouldn't see why not, no doubt he'll show you his top trump cards."

Clare slowly nodded, a memory of her mother rising to the surface.

"Me and mom used to spend many an hour playing that when she was in hospital. She sometimes struggled though, so I quite often let her win."

Sheldon removed his seatbelt.

"I doubt you'll get much of a game with him, I've lost count of the times I've tried explaining the concept of the game to him but he only ever seems to look at the pictures."

"Well he's only just learned how to count to ten." Amy chipped in.

"So tell me Clare, how advanced were your arithmetic skills when you were his age?"

"Sheldon let's not do this, we've already been over it. He's average for his age.

"Just let her answer the question, aren't you curious?"

Amy offered Clare a small and somewhat apologetic smile.

"If you'd rather not go into details, then there's no pressure."

"Uh no, it's fine. I was way above average and that school held a meeting with my parents advising that they put me forward a few grades."

"How many grades?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. Dad refused to discuss the matter; he said that he wasn't going to skip parts of my childhood out or encourage me to believe that the other children were in some way inferior."

Amy shot Sheldon a look of warning to prevent him from commenting upon it further.

"Sheldon, I think we should show Clare in now."

He nodded in agreement opening his car door and stepping out, then opening the back door for Clare.

Climbing out the car Clare stretched out her legs, trying to get the feeling back in them.

"I was wrong. Dad's scooter is way more comfortable."

"I feel your pain. It's a lonely life up here."

Clare relaxed into a laugh, slowly beginning to feel more at ease around him. Hanging slightly back, she followed on after them becoming evermore nervous about meeting her younger brother for the first time.

Waiting for the door to be answered, Clare couldn't help but feel tied down by a heavy weight of guilt that had been with her since she agreed to meet Stewart. She had been fully aware of Howard and Bernadette's hope of completing their small family with a son. Yes they had longed to become a family of four but instead they became a family of only two.

Fortunately for Clare, Mary was prompt in answering the door allowing her to temporarily push her guilt to the back of her mind.

For a second or two Mary was stunned by the surprise visit.

"Clare? Shelly never told me you were coming. What a lovely surprise."

"I uh, well May told me about Stewart and I wanted to..."

She nodded to show understanding.

"Of course, he's in the kitchen."

Picking up on her nerves, Amy placed a light hand on Clare's shoulder and offered her a smile of encouragement.

"Are you ready to see him?"

"As ready as I can be."

Mary opened the door wider for the three of them to walk in. The door closing was almost symbolic; a sign that there was no backing out now.

"If any of you need me, I'll be out in the garden." Mary informed, shrugging on her jacket.

Somehow her legs carried her to the kitchen and all too soon she was face to face with the young child.

The little boy who had been previously preoccupied with his egg and soldiers, placed down his spoon, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

Sheldon pulled up a seat so he was sat next to him.

"Hello Son, I trust you've been well behaved for mee maw?"

"Yes. I arranged her cereal for her."

"In accordance to what?"

Upon receiving a blank look off the confused child, Sheldon quickly rephrased.

"The cereal, in what order did you arrange it?"

"From yummy to icky."

Amy took the next seat opposite them and placed her hand against his forehead.

"Are you feeling better today?"

He grinned, placing a piece of toast into his mouth.

"Mee maw gave me some pink medicine."

Sheldon couldn't help but smile.

"You'll be just fine then."

It wasn't long before Stewart's attention was diverted over to Clare, who was lingering by the door frame.

"Are you mommy and Daddy's new friend?"

"You could say that."

"You're really tall just like Daddy."

She looked herself up and down a few times.

"Yes, I suppose I am."

"Did you know that daddy is the biggest Daddy in the whole wide world?"

Just as Sheldon had a few seconds previously, she felt herself smiling.

"No I would never have guessed that. I think my Daddy is the smallest."

Stewart shook his head in disagreement.

"All daddies have to be bigger than their children."

Clare diverted her gaze to Sheldon and held it for a while.

"I grew quickly."

"Then how does he give you piggy backs?"

"He doesn't. I weigh a lot more than him so the results would be less than pretty."

Satisfied with her answer Stewart got out of his chair and walked over to where she was stood.

"Would you like to see my toys?"

"I'd love to."

He held out his little hand for her to take. Once it was accepted he led her out the room which left Sheldon and Amy alone.

"Amy?"

"What is it?"

"You said to me if you couldn't have her then you didn't want me."

She let out a deflated sigh.

"I was angry Sheldon, I didn't mean it."

"But supposing you did?"

"I don't follow."

"She's here Amy. She's given us a chance."

"I don't understand where you are leading with this."

He reached into his pocket and produced the engagement ring that she had discarded a couple of nights ago.

"She's given us a chance, how about you give me one?"

She brought her hand up to her mouth.

"That's one of the most romantic things you've ever said to me."

"Don't leave me hanging Amy."

No words were needed, instead she held out her hand allowing him to place the ring back in its rightful place.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: This chapter would be set the day after the chapter that came before it.**

Leonard couldn't help but feel lonely. He was in a busy canteen surrounded by people, yet the only person he wanted to talk too had gone as soon as he came, leaving a trail of devastation in his wake.

Leonard had found himself used to having him back in his life and had liked it way more than what he thought he would. He had slowly found himself trusting in him once more, which made his second departure just as agonising if not more than the first one.

Raj was talking however he couldn't concentrate on his friend's words, instead he focused on the unappetizing plate of food in front of him, pushing it around with his fork and not making any attempts to eat it.

Raj clicked his fingers in front of his face which abruptly pulled him out of his trance like state.

"Was there really any need for that?"

Ignoring his friend's question, he proceeded onwards.

"I said I'm worried about Howard."

"Why?"

Infuriated by his blindness, Raj threw his hands up in the air to emphasise he was about to state the obvious.

"Look. He's over by the vending machine."

Leonard placed down the fork and pushed the plate away from him.

"And that's a cause for concern?"

Raj lowered his voice and leaned in closer.

"It is when he's done nothing but stare at it for the past ten minutes."

"So what's your point? Maybe he's having a hard time over choosing between crisps or chocolate."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.

"Dude seriously, you may be a little pissed over your old roommate leaving again but he feels like he's losing his daughter. Imagine if that was Lenny."

Leonard diverted his eyes to the ground and focused on a stain that marked the floor.

"It's different. I'm Lenny's biological father."

"No. This is about you not being able to deal with Sheldon leaving again."

He waved a dismissive hand.

"Is not."

"Is too. You can't let go of what happened."

"And you can?"

"What can I say? I love my goddaughter."

And the way she was conceived sits right with you, does it?"

"Hey c'mon it's not that bad. So you accidentally poisoned your roommate, none of us would change Clare being born. Let it go."

A look of disbelief dominated his features.

"Accidental poisoning? You make it sound like I served him undercooked chicken."

Raj shook his head and got out of his seat, pushing it in as he did so.

"Whatever man, right now I'm more concerned about what's happening with Howard."

"What are we going to do?"

"Well I'm going to talk to Howard, whether you back me up is down to you."

He got to his feet and gestured for Raj to lead the way.

"After you."

Howard had been stood by the vending machine for a while now, he wasn't exactly what he was going to do, but right now he was just going to stare at it.

It had been two days since he'd seen and spoken to Clare and he had never felt so low. Every inch of him missed her and the feeling that she was slipping away become greater with every passing minute.

The house had never seemed so quiet. It wasn't too many years ago that it was buzzing with energy, his mother was as lively as ever; Bernadette had been happy and healthy and Clare had been blissfully unaware of her true parentage.

No one had showed him what unconditional love was quite like Clare had. His love for her knew no bounds and over the years he had learned that there was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

She had many quirky traits that at times would remind him too much of Sheldon, however they were still part of what made her who she was and he wouldn't change a thing about her.

Although in that moment he couldn't help but feel that she no longer needed him.

Howard had experienced many forms of grief in his life, he had endured the agony of his father abandoning him, he had gone through many humiliating break-ups and he had experienced the grief of losing his mother and wife.

None of them compared to this.

This pain was different. The feeling that he had lost his life's purpose had hit him like a thunderbolt. For the past fourteen years he had been her father and that had come way above anything, Clare was his reason for getting out of bed and facing the day. Her need for him was what kept him going, there was a time where he was all she had.

He could picture it now. He could see her gradually warming to Sheldon and Amy as she realised how much they had in common and he could see her getting to know her little brother. He could imagine her viewing Sheldon and Amy as the more appealing choice.

He had played out this thought over and over in his mind and it never failed to make him sick.

He couldn't even begin to deal with it, he didn't know how to and he didn't even want to.

A hand on his shoulder brought him crashing back down to reality.

"Hey buddy, how you doing?"

"Don't talk to me like that Leonard, just don't."

"Like what?"

"You always used to talk to Sheldon like that when you were worried that he'd properly flipped."

Unable to think of a response, Leonard glanced over at Raj in hopes that he would take the lead.

"Hey Howard, can I get you anything?"

"Can you bring my wife back?" He replied. His voice had a cold and dejected edge to it.

As Leonard had been a few seconds previously Raj was lost for words.

Leonard took over.

"Howard look, this is a hard time. How 'bout you head home and get some sleep? Then later we'll all work out a way of making this better."

Howard allowed his shoulders to slump and let out a defeated sigh.

"I guess."

Raj gave him a friendly slap on the back.

"We're here for you bro. In the words of Amy Winehouse; tears dry on their own."

His response was mumbled and almost incomprehensible.

Thanks, it means a lot."

Raj reached into his pocket and produced fifty cents.

"You haven't eaten since Clare left, so get yourself something from the machine before you leave."

Howard took the coin off him and squeezed it between his fingers.

"I will."

"Right me and Leonard gotta get back to work, but we'll see you soon."

"Okay, see you."

Raj gestured for Leonard to follow him. They waited until they were out of the canteen before they spoke.

"Right, I think we should wrap things up and go be with him."

Leonard rolled up his sleeve and glanced his wrist watch.

"I'll need an hour to sort things out."

"Same here. Do what you gotta do and we'll meet at my car in an hour.

_**Three hours later.**_

Raj had always hated hospitals; He hated the strong smell of disinfectant, the white washed walls, the blinding lights that reflected off the shiny floors and the all round feeling of hopelessness he got from them.

The waiting around was the worst part. The clock in the corner's persistent ticking and the hard plastic chair he was sat on had only hindered the already unpleasant situation

Raj buried his head in his hands, why couldn't he have stopped this?

The day Bernadette died, Raj had made a pact.

He had made a promise to himself that he wasn't going to cry. He had been in his office and Howard had walked in a state of hysterics, telling him that Bernadette had deteriorated to a point of no return, there and then he had decided he was going to be strong for Howard and Clare, he was going to swallow his own emotion and not let his feelings show.

Leonard pulled his seat in closer and put an arm around Raj's shoulders.

"I know that you're trying to be strong, but I won't let you bottle this up."

That was when he lets his guard down.

His whole body shook as he allowed the emotion to take over, endless tears streamed down his cheeks, gradually escalating into noisy sobs.

No words could be formed. He swallowed a few times, desperately trying to speak however it was as if the tears were drowning him; pulling him deeper into the sea of heartbreak and frustration.

Leonard exhaled loudly, denying himself the urge to cry. Raj needed him and now it was his turn to be the strong one.

He couldn't fall apart; not now, not when his friend needed him most.

Suddenly embarrassed, Raj went to pull away. Leonard pulled him back, he couldn't suppress this and he wasn't going to let him.

"I've got you."

"I can't stand all this waiting, I need to know if he's gonna be alright."

"He's in the best possible place. They'll do all they can."

"He was so pale and did you see how blue his lips were?"

Leonard scrunched his eyes tightly together. The image had been haunting him for the past few hours.

"Do you think we should call Clare?"

"No, she can't see him like this."

Unable to sit still any longer, Raj got out of his seat and started pacing the floor, his hands rammed down into his pockets to hide his clenched fists.

"For cow's sake! Why won't anyone talk to us?"

Leonard took a few steady breaths in attempts to compose himself.

"They need to treat him, when they sort him out they'll come out and tell us what's going on."

As if on cue a female doctor clutching clip board entered the room, wearing a stethoscope and a sympathetic expression.

"Are you the ones that brought Howard Wolowitz in?"

"Yes that's us, how is he?"

She held the door open for them.

"Would you like to follow me? We can discuss this somewhere more privately."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I thought I would make this a bit of a fantasy chapter like in chapter 14. I was going for a parallel universe type affect.**

Until Bernadette got ill Howard had never thought too deeply about what dieing felt like. What he could feel was a dazed nothingness almost as if he had left his body and his mind was working on autopilot.

He continued to drift in and out of his mind going through the feelings of pain to a complete numbness that made him question if he was even still alive.

The pain was still present yet somewhat irrelevant to the extent where he could choose to ignore it, almost as if he was giving up surrendering to the force that was trying to consume him, threatening to pull him away from existence and worst of all Clare.

Howard's eyes slowly flickered open, the floor beneath him was uncomfortable to lie on and the light was so bright it was almost blinding.

He took a few seconds to adjust .blinking rapidly until his eyes sight was back in focus which allowed him to see properly. Underneath him was green carpet and to the side of him was an elevator with out of order written on it.

He knew where he was ,he just couldn't figure out why.

Something just wasn't right. Before he lost consciousness, his heart rate was accelerated, his breathing was severely restricted and his tongue had swollen up to twice its normal size. Despite all this, he now seemed fine.

Slowly he sat up and took in his surrounding. It was definitely the hallway that separated apartments 4A and 4B. But why was he here?

He knew for a fact the last place he was had been was his home. He had been lying out on his sofa and had gone through all the photo albums with one of Bernadette's cardigans wrapped around himself.

"Good question." Came a familiar female voice from behind him.

He promptly sprang to his feet and turned to face the owner of the voice. When he had imagined her, she had only been a vague image due to a hazy memory, however now as she stood before him every little detail of her was crystal clear.

"Bernadette!"

He ran over to her and pulled her in closer to himself. This was no illusion everything about her was real, he could smell her perfume and he could feel her in his arms. She was really here.

Bringing the embrace to a close she stepped away from him, a mixture of anger and upset written across her face.

"Why'd you do it Howie?"

"Am I...?"

She paused for a moment and looked over at him.

"Not quite, you're close. Very close."

He seemed surprised.

"Oh. Am I going to?"

"It's hard to say. They're doing their best to save you, but you've just given up fighting."

He sighed and walked away from her to sit on top of the stairs.

"What are my chances?"

"Are you asking out of concern or disappointment?"

"Just tell me, am I going to make this?"

She walked over to where he was and leant up against the wall.

"That decision lies in your hands."

"What?"

She raised her voice slightly.

"Well are going to let yourself die or not?"

The sound of feet coming up the stairs interrupted their conversation and within a few seconds Leonard had appeared holding his keys in his hands.

"Howard, Bernadette."

What was Leonard doing here?

Hiding his surprise, Howard tried his best to sound as normal as he could.

"Hey Leonard, how's little Lenny?"

"Little Lenny? Is that some kinda reference to my penis? because if it is, I don't appreciate you giving it a name."

Leonard stepped past where Howard was sitting and placed the keys in the lock of apartment 4A, letting himself in.

He waited until Leonard had closed the door before he rose to his feet.

"What the hell just happened there? He didn't know who his own son was and he had keys to his old apartment."

"Well if Sheldon never left, Leonard would never have moved in with Penny so they're relationship wouldn't have progressed enough for them to have had Lenny."

Howard thought for moment, his mind well and truly boggled.

"But Sheldon did leave... Leonard did move in with Penny... Their relationship did get to a stage where they could have Lenny. Why are you saying different?"

"Not in this life they didn't, Sheldon and Amy never left."

"Yes they did, she left and he followed."

She shook her head in disagreement.

"No, she stayed and so did he."

He took some time to process the information before coming to a slow and terrifying realisation.

"But we still got Clare right? Please tell me we still got her."

Bernadette gave him a sympathetic look and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry sweetie, we're childless."

"But Clare?"

"Sheldon and Amy raised her."

He clasped his hand over his mouth in horror.

"No, please no. Clare is ours. We loved her, we raised her."

"Clare Wolowitz doesn't exist in this life."

He shook his head, refusing to believe it.

"What do you mean she doesn't exist?"

"There is no Clare Wolowitz. There is a Jarella Farrah Fowler who is nothing like Clare Wolowitz. The two couldn't be more different."

"Jarella? Isn't that a character out of the incredible hulk series?"

"Well what did you expect? They were hardly likely to name her after the nurse like you did."

"Holy crap. Why is this happening?"

"You did what you did because you thought Clare would want to be with Sheldon and Amy. Now I'm going to show you exactly what that would be like."

He backed away from her and made his way towards the stairs.

"No I can't see this."

"Well tough I'm going to make you."

"Why? Why do this to me?"

"Because you need to realise how much our baby needs you. I'm not going to let you die!"

His features softened as he took a step closer to her.

"What do you think they would've told Clare?"

"Whatever they told her, there would've been no way of bringing her comfort. Both her parents would've been dead. Is that what you want?"

"No, I love her."

She gestured to the door of 4A.

"Then let me show you how she turned out without you loving her."

"Is she in there now?"

"No not yet, she will be here to visit Sheldon soon."

Misunderstanding was evident.

"Hang on a second. What do you mean a visit?"

"There wasn't room for Amy and Jarella, the apartment is way too small."

Anger built up inside him.

"Will you stop saying Jarella? Her name is Clare."

Bernadette's voice deepened and rose in tone, leaving Howard stunned by how much like his mother she sounded.

"Fine go ahead and call her Clare, everyone will look at you like you've gone mad."

He gritted his teeth together.

"Fine, I won't like it but I'll say it."

She took hold of his hand and knocked on the door.

"Just act like you normally would."

After a few seconds the door was opened by Sheldon who was holding a stack of his notes.

"Oh it's you."

Without waiting for their response he headed back into the room and started to read through his notes again.

Howard lowered his tone to a whisper.

"Is there a reason why he's' being a bigger jack ass than normal?"

"You disapprove of his parenting methods and you're not afraid to voice it."

"Just what exactly do I disapprove of?"

She tried her best to sound casual

"Oh not a lot, it's just the fact that he doesn't live with her or show her any pride or affection."

Leonard who had been stood in the kitchen looked over at them.

"Are you coming in?"

Bernadette tightened her grip around his hand and tugged him into the apartment, lowering her voice to a level he could only hear.

"Just sit down and only talk if it's absolutely necessary."

Leonard made his way into the living room and took a seat opposite Howard and Bernadette.

"So it's great news about Jarella."

"Great news?"

"Well yeah, she's graduated college."

A look of horror came over Howard's face as he clasped his hand over his mouth.

"Are you kidding me?"

Sheldon looked up from his notes.

"What reason would he have to joke?"

"She's way too young. You're forcing her to grow up sooner than she has to."

"On the contrary, why stick her in a class room with a bunch of students who are intellectually beneath her?"

Howard too a sharp intake of breath through gritted teeth.

"Are you for real? Have you honestly led her to believe that?"

"I don't see why I shouldn't have. With a mind like hers, she doesn't need human intimacy in the same way the less intelligent do."

"Not true, she is the most sweetest and kind hearted kid you could meet."

Leonard raised his eye brow in disbelief.

"Seriously?"

"She is." He paused for a moment and looked over at Bernadette "Right?"

The sound of the door handle turning left Bernadette with no chance to reply. Amy walked in with her young daughter behind her.

"Father, mother has told me that it is a non optional social convention to buy a gift for a member of our family's birthday."

Sheldon placed down the notes he had been studying to look at her.

"I'm afraid so and don't even go trying to look for a loop hole because believe me I've tried."

Bernadette placed her hand over Howard's.

"Would you stop shaking? You're making it obvious"

Unable to form any words, he could merely stare in horror at the young girl who he thought of as his own child.

On the surface she still had the basic looks as Clare Wolowitz however it was as if she had been stripped of all her qualities that made her human. Her face wore a cold and serious expression, her green eyes were blank and lifeless and her hair was harshly scraped back.

Clare Wolowitz dressed very similar to how he did; flamboyant and colourful. Jarella Farrah Fowler's dress sense could only be described as non descript. If Howard was to sum her up, he would say the only thing that stood out about this girl was the fact the she was taller than average.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he found that she was now stood by him. Her arms were crossed and she looked unimpressed.

"Are you alright there baby?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"One, I do not care for terms of endearment and two you're in my spot."

"I'm in your spot? Since when have you had a spot?"

"How long I've had it is irrelevant, the fact remains you are in my spot."

Amy took her place next to Sheldon.

"I wouldn't try reasoning with her Howard. She's as attached to that spot as Sheldon is to his."

Slowly he got to his feet, she had never spoken to anyone like that in the whole time that he raised her.

He continued to watch her as she pulled out a pack of antiseptic wipes and proceeded to thoroughly wipe down the seat, that she wouldn't dare sit on until she was certain it was completely clean.

Her inspection complete she sat down and looked over to where Leonard was sat.

"Doctor Hofstader?"

Leonard sighed to himself, sensing he would be on the receiving end of one of her belittling comments or condescending remarks.

"Yes Jarella."

"Mother says I have to be nice to you, because today is the tenth anniversary of that waitress's death."

Leonard looked at her for a few seconds before getting to his feet.

"If you'll all excuse me, I've got a headache."

Not waiting for any response he quickly made his way into his room, swiftly closing the door behind him.

"Well that was rude." Jarella commented, failing to see what she had done wrong.

Sheldon nodded his head in agreement.

"That's Leonard for you."

Having seen enough Howard moved towards the door, dragging Bernadette along with him. As he got out into the hallway he felt his legs buckle causing him to fall to the floor.

"Penny's dead?"

"It was ten years ago, there was a gas leak in her apartment."

"No, that can't be right. I remember Leonard discovered it and got it fixed."

"That's because he was living with her. Remember Sheldon never left, so Leonard never moved in with her, so the leak went unnoticed."

He furiously shook his head, unable to comprehend what he was hearing.

"And Raj? Where's Raj?"

"He got deported three months after Jarella was born."

"No, no way."

"Yes, the university needed to make budget cuts so they got rid of Raj and a few others from his department."

"But he still works at the university."

"No he doesn't .When Sheldon and Amy left it solved the financial problem but because they never left, cuts from other departments were made."

He buried his head in his hands, the situation going from bad to worse.

"Oh crap, I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Oh Howie."

He turned to face her.

"And their son?"

"They only had him because they had to learn from where they went wrong. They never left her, they never realised how bad they had been."

"This isn't the life I want Bernie. I just want to go back to her."

"Then you need to be more determined to save yourself."

"It felt like I was dieing, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. All I could do was lie there and wait for it to happen."

"You're not gone yet, you can still save yourself."

"What can I do?"

"Somebody's holding your hand. Can you feel it?"

"Nobody's holding my hand! I was alone."

"They found you Howie, they held you until the ambulance arrived and they're with you now. You're not alone."

"They found me like that?"

She closed the gap that separated them and took his hands in her own.

"None of that matters. All that matters is that you wake up."

He shook his head and backed away.

"This isn't real is it? This is just another one of those stupid fantasies."

"Then go back to reality. Go back to Clare."

"And what about you? I see how this works, I go back and I leave you."

"None of this is real, I'm not here and neither are you. You're in a hospital bed and Leonard and Raj are desperate for you to wake up."

"I could stay with you. If I don't go back we could stay together."

"You can only see me because you've built me up in your mind, you die and all this will disappear along with you."

He glanced over at the closed door of 4A.

"Does she still need me?"

"Yes silly, she never stopped."

"And if I go back, will I be returning to Clare Wolowitz?"

"The very same."

He held out his hand for her to take.

"Then tell me how to get back."

Bernadette wrapped her arms around his waist and lowered him down to the ground. Bringing her hand up, she wiped his hair out of his eyes and leant down pressing her lips against his.

He could feel himself go weak as his eyes began to droop and his limbs began to go limp. Unable to fight it, he simply let consciousness slip away.

All too soon the hard floor was replaced by something soft underneath him and his wife's voice was replaced by his best friend's.

"Leonard he's waking up, he's waking up."

He looked around the unfamiliar room to see Leonard and Raj. He was alive and he was going to fight for his daughter.

**A/N: It was a bit surreal I know but I thought it would be a good way for him to move forward.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Set about two days after the last chapter.**

Clare Wolowitz sat out on the porch with her phone clutched to her ear. She knew it was late but she had to get through to him.

She let out a sigh of frustration when the familiar recording was played back to her.

"_You've reached Howard's phone, leave a message and I'll call you back."_

Clare hadn't seen him since the night she left for Texas and she had been unable to make contact with him. Right now a pre recorded voice wasn't enough. She needed to see him, she wanted him to hold her tightly and reassure her that they were going to be ok.

The house behind her seemed so quiet. Everybody was tucked up in bed.

Not her though, when something was on her mind it kept her up all night. She had gone many a sleepless night after her mother had died and now it was the separation from her father that she couldn't stand.

The sound of someone clearing their throat offered a distraction that she had been searching for. Startled she turned around to see who was behind her.

"Doctor Cooper? What are you doing up?"

He took a place next to her.

"Amy's having one of her night terrors. I've been meaning to propose a possible revision of the engagement agreement where I agreed to share the same bed as her."

"You mean there was a discussion?"

"Well yes, I am a man who likes his own space."

She gestured to the wide gap that he had left between them.

"So I see."

"Would you rather we were closer?"

"In terms of what? Emotional bonds or physical distance?"

"Either will do."

"Right now, I'll be happy with you shuffling in just that little bit closer."

It was a simple request and it was one that he wasn't going deny her. He shuffled over and closed the wide gap that was between them.

"Stewart is a lovely little boy, you should be proud."

A fond look of came across his face.

"He's not the only one I'm proud of."

If there was one thing Clare had learned about Sheldon, it was that he was unreadable.

"Just to clarify. You're talking about me, Right?"

"Who else?"

"Just checking."

There was silence for a few seconds as the pair tried to figure out what more could be said. It seemed ironic to Clare that after a fourteen year separation they would struggle with things to say.

"Is he a good father?"

His question had evidently thrown her off guard.

"Hmm?"

"Wolowitz. Is he a good father?"

She didn't hesitate in her answer.

"Mom used to say I was one of those typical daddy's girls. I resented the label, but there was denying it."

"I once said to him that what he did wasn't worth doing. I don't think that anymore."

"I presume we're talking about his parenting here?"

"Of course, raising an intellectual gifted child has far more benefits than being in possession of a master's degree."

"Intellectually gifted?"

"Would you not think so?"

"I'm just Clare."

"You could go far with that mind of yours. I started college at eleven and received my first PHD by the age of sixteen. Being my offspring, presumably you would be perfectly capable of achieving many great accomplishments."

She shook her head in disagreement.

"I don't want that, I just want a normal life."

"And you think the one I lead is abnormal?"

"When I see you with Stewart, you're a dad, you're his daddy."

"I'm sensing there's a but."

"You were never my daddy were you? You were somehow unable to love me."

He considered her statement for a few seconds as he stared off into the distance.

"Not then, no. Stewart is ten years younger than you; it took me ten years to get there."

"And now that I've met him, I'm ready to hear the rest."

"You really want to hear it?"

"Take me back to that night."

_Sheldon Pov: Part 2._

_Sheldon wasn't usually one for indecisiveness however as he knew, with every rule there was usually an exception. _

_He had cleared out his desk and had emailed a short notice of resignation to the head of department and now he had no idea where to go from there. He glanced his watch to find it was late evening. It was not usually a time that he would be in the university although when compared to everything he had done that day, being at the university outside of his usual working hours seemed small in comparison._

_With little else planned he had decided upon sitting in the university cafeteria. He placed the carrier on the table in front of him and lightly rocked it._

"_I must apologise for all the upheaval I've put you through today. Although my knowledge of new born infants such as yourself is limited, I am of the understanding that they appreciate being held and are fond of comforting environments."_

_He sighed to himself before reaching into his pocket and producing his cell phone._

"_I hope you don't mind me checking my phone. You see it's my girlfriend Amy, she's left me. I'm not wrong about many things but you see I may have been slightly at fault in this instance."_

_Looking at his phone, the familiar feeling of disappointment washed over him. Sheldon didn't consider himself as a desperate person, he had never got Leonard's need for affection however there was something about this wrong that he had an overwhelming urge to put right._

"_I've thought a lot about many things these past few days, mostly you to be exact."_

_He paused almost as if he was expecting a response off her. He was an intelligent man he knew she would have no response and he was glad. She had no understanding and that was a small comfort._

"_I'm a physicist not a father."_

_He let the words hang in the air for the moment. He considered how they felt and how they sounded. He had half hoped that hearing them aloud would do something to change his mind. _

_They didn't._

_They only made it a whole lot clearer._

"_I can recite the periodic table but I don't know a single nursery rhyme; I could solve every mathematical equation you put in front of me but I can't change a nappy, I will watch every episode of Star Trek but don't ask me to attend a school nativity and I would choose a Nobel prize over a best Dad mug every time."_

_An angry voice from behind him interrupted his speech and threw him off guard._

"_Have you even noticed that you are crying? Or are you so robotic that you've stopped noticing your own emotions?"_

_He spun around in his seat and came face to face with Howard._

"_What are you trying to imply here?"_

_Howard sighed to himself and reached into his pocket, producing a pack of tissues which he passed over._

_Sheldon brought his hand up and pressed it to his cheek, Howard was right he was indeed showing more emotion than he usually would've dared._

_He brought the tissue up and furiously wiped at his eyes. Sheldon Cooper didn't cry, he especially didn't cry in front of Howard Wolowitz of all people._

"_Why are you working so late anyway? It's not as if you're going to achieve anything notable in your field of work."_

_Howard shook his head and walked over to the table, lifting the baby out of her carrier, up into the comfort of his arms._

"_I'm glad you can't understand what he just said, because you are beautiful and you are going to be amazing. Believe me you are going to achieve anything you want to achieve."_

_Sheldon stared down his shoes, desperately trying to suppress the emotion that threatened to bubble over. Sheldon had tried to hold her but had failed; Howard had picked her up without a second thought._

"_She likes you. S he wants you to hold her."_

_Howard readjusted her in his and arms, placing a light kiss on top of her head. It had only been four hours since Leonard had taken her off him, yet his arms had felt painfully empty without her to hold._

"_I love her. I never want to let her go."_

_Howard had never intended to voice this; he had promised himself that he would walk away however he couldn't. He was aware that a lot of people wouldn't understand his love for a child that wasn't his own but they hadn't done what he had; they weren't the first ones to hold her like he was and they weren't the ones that had washed, fed and clothed her in the same way that he had._

_Sheldon bent down and retrieved his luggage, swinging it over his shoulder._

"_Then don't."_

"_Then don't? What do you mean by that?"_

_Sheldon pulled out his phone and walked over to where they were stood._

"_Hold her in a good position. I want to get a decent shot of her."_

_Doing as instructed her adjusted her so she was facing the camera phone. He waited until Sheldon took a photo before he spoke again._

"_Sheldon, you're not making sense."_

_Sheldon placed the phone back into his pocket and took a step away from them._

"_I expect when Amy was in labour you held her hand?"_

_He merely nodded in response._

"_Reassured her that everything was going to be alright?"_

_Once more he could only offer him a simple nod._

"_And I suppose you saw it through to the end and didn't let something like all the bacteria, illnesses and diseases the hospital harboured stop you from being there?"_

_Howard looked down at the little girl who had fallen asleep in his arms, a small smile slowly beginning to grace his lips._

"_It was worth it."_

"_That's what I needed to hear."_

_He had one picture of her and a certainty that she would be well looked after; this was enough for Sheldon._

"_If you don't want to let her go then don't, I'm not going to tear her away from you."_

"_How could you not love her? Look at her, she's beautiful!"_

_Sheldon shook his head and walked over to the door before pausing once more, taking one final look at them._

"_You will love her in every way possible. I don't know how to do that."_

_Howard couldn't argue with that, neither did he want to. _

Clare placed a hand on his knee.

"Sheldon, you're crying."

Sheldon brought his hand up and quickly wiped them away.

"Drat, you Clare Wolowitz have had one hell of an affect on me." He paused for a moment to consider what she just said. "Hold on did you just call me Sheldon?"

"You'll never be Dad but you're worth more than being called something as impersonal as Doctor Cooper."

"Then what does this mean for us?"

She took a deep breath in through her nose.

"I'm leaving and I'm leaving tonight."

"No you don't have to go now."

"I really do. Say goodbye to May." She shook her head and rephrased "Say goodbye to Amy for me."

Upon receiving a silent nod off him she re-entered the house, nothing was going to stop her getting back to Pasadena tonight.

Sheldon wasn't going to let himself sleep. Tonight had left him with a lot to deliberate. With nothing else to do, he chose to lie out on the sofa and stare blankly up at the ceiling. Clare was really going to leave him and he wasn't going to stop her. Fourteen years ago he made the choice for her and now she had to make it on her own.

Her approaching footsteps told him that she was packed and ready to go; she was ready to say her goodbyes. The lightness in her step showed that she was trying to prolong the inevitable.

After what seemed like a lifetime she reached the sofa.

Taking a moment for reflection, she paused and slipped the rucksack from her shoulder allowing it to fall to the ground.

She slowly lowered herself into the kneeling position, which brought her to eye level with__Sheldon. She was aware that this was their last goodbye and she was going to make it count, she was determined it would be special. Howard had a lifetime of hugs to look forward to, Sheldon only had this one and she was going to make it a good one.

She placed a light hand on his arm. Upon receiving no protest she pulled herself onto the sofa so they were side by side.

He nodded his head to signal that it was ok to go further.

Gently ever so gently, she curled up against her father, surprised to find that warmth ran through his veins. She rested her head carefully against his chest and relaxed.

Once upon a time, this sudden act of affection would've horrified him, but right now it was perfect.

Unused to human contact, Sheldon's arms remained still by his sides. However acknowledging that this moment was precious, he unfurled his limbs and strongly embraced his daughter for the first time.

He slowly rubbed her back in a circular motion, gradually moving his hand up to her head and running his fingers through her hair, tenderly untangling each of the knots as he did so.

With that a connection was made and a memory that would stay with them for the rest of their days was formed.

Relaxing into the moment she closed her eyes, hoping to make it last just a tiny bit longer.

She could feel his heart beating through his shirt, pounding at such a momentous rate like it was going to jump right out__of his body.

Clare had always wondered what a heart breaking would sound like. Maybe that was it?

Raising her hand, she placed it over his chest. The beat was strong against her palm.

Clare compared it to her own .Counting the beats of each of their hearts, both of them in perfect synch.

She reflected on their short time together, knowing that all too soon it would all be over. He was part of her now, his blood ran through her veins and there would be no way she could ever forget who he was and what he meant to her.

Over the past few months Clare had shed many a tear for her lost mother, now she__felt a similar sense of grief. She had plenty of love to give yet she wasn't going to have a chance to extend it to her biological parents.

Who knew their first hug would be their last?

Taking a deep inhalation through her nose, she gradually prised herself away.

She wasn't going to say anything and neither was he.

This time that they had spent in each other's arms**,** was going to have to last them a lifetime and no words would ever have enough meaning to truly do the moment justice.

With slight reluctance she slowly clambered off him, bringing the moment to a close by placing a light kiss on his cheek as final gesture of affection.

Once more she picked up the rucksack and looked over at Sheldon to confirm she was leaving and he slowly nodded, graciously accepting her decision.

All too soon he could hear her moving footsteps.

Then all he had was the echo after she had closed the door.

She was gone.

"Boldly go Clare Wolowitz."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: The flashback in this chapter are set before Clare was born.**

Raj rocked his goddaughter back and forth as he held her in a tight embrace. The fact that she was way too big to sit comfortably in his lap was not an issue for him; she needed him and he was going to be there for her.

When Bernadette had died, Raj thought the days of comforting a distraught Clare in the hospital waiting room were over. Yet here he was once more.

"Your dad was very down when it happened. You must understand that it was nobody's fault."

She looked up from where her face had been buried in his shirt.

"How bad was he?"

Raj shook his head, unwilling to go into details.

"No Clare, you don't need to know."

Clare Wolowitz was never one for accepting things lightly and now was not one of those times.

"You haven't let me see him yet, so tell me how bad his condition is and don't scrimp on the details."

Raj sighed and moved her off his lap into the seat next to him which allowed him to look directly at her.

"You remember that time three Christmases ago when Aunt Penny made those cookies that had nuts in and your father accidentally ate one?"

She shuddered at the memory.

"Worst Christmas ever."

"Well uh I guess you could say it was like that but you know kinda worse... I mean when I say worse I mean like..." He paused and looked down at the ground, trying to find an appropriate word. "I don't know what I mean."

She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

"I want to see him now."

Raj shook his head, reluctant to let her see him.

"He's very weak, he can barely talk."

She got out of her seat, a look of defiance burning in her usually pleasant green eyes.

"I just turned the tables on the man that abandoned me, travelled for hours on a freaking train, hitchhiked from the station with some hippies and I'm pretty sure I got food poisoning from that burger van on the side of the road. That was all for him, so you are not stopping me from seeing him now."

Taken aback by her determination, he held his hands up to signal defeat.

"Okay, just don't flip out like that again."

"I apologise, I am currently experiencing my mensies and it's made me a little touchy."

"Right, allow me to just remind you of the little conversation about what would be classified as too much information."

She rolled her eyes.

"Honestly Uncle Rajesh, there's a time and a place and should you really be intoxicated in a hospital?"

"Go down to the ER on a Saturday night and ask the same question."

She frowned before looking down the corridor.

"Please, will you just take me to see him?"

The want to say no was there; sadly the will wasn't.

**-OOO-**

Howard couldn't help but feel useless, he had woken up determined to fight for his daughter. Despite all of this, he had found out that despite the mind being willing, the body just wouldn't comply.

Lying in his hospital bed he had never felt so ill, his throat was still incredibly dry and talking was restricted, his heart was yet to return to his regular pace and his skin was still swollen and red in colour.

All he could do was lye there allowing the nose tube to give him oxygen and the drip to provide hydration. He wondered if he looked as terrible as he felt.

Pulling the blanket over him tightly he couldn't help but reflect upon his situation. A few short days ago he been in a state of desperation of the loss of his wife yet he could remember it all too clearly how at one point nearly fifteen years ago, he had seriously considered leaving her and how one certain little girl saved them.

_Howard's Pov._

_It wasn't often that Howard found himself in the biology department of the university. Bernadette had been there on visit for a week long research project. Howard was unsure of whether Bernadette had gone into details. In that instant his mother's words of; I bet she did but you didn't listen, had never seemed to ring more true._

_It's not as if he didn't care, it was more the fact that he was too focused on the wedge that been driven between them. Her plan of him being the stay at home father whilst she went out and lived life the way she wanted, had bothered him way more than what he first thought._

_He wanted her to want it just as much as he did or to at least realise and understand how he felt._

_He couldn't justify it himself why he had chosen to confront her now of all times, after all he had plenty of opportunities but now seemed right. He was ready for this and he was having this confrontation whether she liked it or not._

_He was prepared to lay it all on the line, he wanted this badly and he was not afraid to risk it all._

_He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed the person coming the other way, unfortunately they too had been too absorbed in a stack of notes they had been reading and all to soon the inevitable occurred._

_Taking a moment to recover from his shock, Howard got a proper look at the person he had just knocked into._

"_Oh God, Amy, I'm so sorry, I didn't hurt you did I?"_

_Rolling her eyes she bent down and gathered up the pieces of paper that had been knocked out of her hands._

"_It's funny isn't it? People any other time couldn't care less about you, but somehow they become over bearing once you're pregnant. That is unless you're Sheldon Cooper of course."_

_Ignoring her bitter tone, he attempted to strike up some form of friendly conversation._

"_So uh it's been about six months since I've seen you, you're looking very..." He started before thinking better of it._

"_Three times my normal size?"_

_Feeling very awkward, he let out an involuntary nervous laugh before diverting his eyes to the ground._

"_Well no kid of Sheldon Cooper's was ever gonna be small."_

_Unimpressed with his poor attempt of humour she crossed her arms and made no effort to disguise the cold edge to her voice._

"_May I ask what exactly you're doing here? You're an engineer and an engineer doesn't typically spend their time in the biology department."_

"_I was looking for Bernadette. You couldn't point me in the right direction could you?"_

"_Well for start offs this is neurobiology, you need to be looking in the micro biology section."_

_Despite her initial unpleasantness Howard couldn't help but sympathise with her. It was only about a minute ago that he had been on a mission to shout and scream at his wife until she heard what he had to say however not it would seem that his problem in comparison to Amy's was admittedly a lot less daunting._

_He looked at his watch and caught a glimpse of the time. In the time he had spent talking to Amy he had temporarily put his anger for Bernadette on the back burner and now he was struggling to re release his confrontational side, leaving room for doubt._

"_She'll probably be getting lunch."_

"_Well there's only one way to find out."_

_His ability to come up here and argue his point was based purely on impulse, now that he had thought about it; the fight was no longer there._

"_Maybe I should just see her later."_

_The hardened expression that she had been wearing earlier had slowly faded._

"_Is something bothering you?"_

_Howard would often make the mistake of classing Amy as emotionless of Sheldon, he had always thought of them as two of an exact kind._

"_It's nothing. I doubt you'd understand."_

"_That is your opinion. I can understand basic human emotion just as much as the next person."_

_Unwilling to offend her any further he quickly went to change the subject._

"_So uh, it's lunch time. I'll leave you to it."_

"_I wont be having lunch today, word of advice never take pity on a caged monkey, you let them out for only a minute or so and before you know it they've swallowed your sandwich whole."_

_He took a moment for thought._

"_I've got a family sized bag of Doritos, a pack of Oreos and a litre of cola in the bottom draw of my desk."_

"_A family sized bag of Doritos and no dip? Are you crazy?"_

"_I haven't told you what is in the middle draw yet."_

"_I believe my decision will all depend on what is in that middle draw, so make it good."_

"_A pot a sour cream and chive and a pot of spicy tomato salsa. I'm pretty sure I left a bag of popcorn and some beef jerky in there too." _

"_Why would you need all that in your lab?"_

"_Try living with my ma, if you don't clear the fridge then she will."_

_For the first time that day she allowed herself to smile._

"_I sympathise with you, a full fridge is one of the few perks of living alone."_

_He sighed to himself and looked down at the ground._

"_After next week I might have to find that out for myself."_

_She reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm._

"_How about we take this back to you lab? You can tell me then."_

**-OOO-**

The sound of the door swinging open brought him out of his thoughts.

"Dad? It's me, can you hear me?"

He turned his head so he was facing her. She had seen her mother hooked up to machines in hospital on many occasions however he was still unwilling for her to see him in this way.

Despite his weakness he forced himself to talk.

"What did you decide?"

Clare slowly made her way over to the bed and took hold of his hand, holding it in a firm grip.

"I can't forget but I will forgive."

"I wasn't exactly all innocent. I was going to leave her." He wheezed, coughing slightly as he did so.

Still she kept hold of his hand, whatever it was she was prepared to hear it.

"You were planning to leave mom?"

"I had it all figured out and I was gonna stick to it."

**-OOO-**

_Howard pushed the food towards Amy, the thought of his marital problems had left him with little appetite._

"_She's just not listening to what I have to say anymore. Am I reading too much into this?"_

_Amy looked over at him and considered his words._

"_Sheldon and I have found ourselves in a similar situation over whether having children is right for us however as you may have noticed it's a little late to decide against it."_

"_I'm sure he's dealing with it in his own way, we all know how stubborn he can be."_

"_Very much like Bernadette?"_

_He nodded, fiddling with the zip of his jacket._

"_I just can't get over how adamant she is."_

"_So you think leaving her is the way to solve your problems? Do you think you'll be any happier on you own?"_

_He shrugged slouching further back into his seat._

"_I don't know. We're going to some concert next week and if nothing improves, I'll pack my bags when we get home."_

"_You've really thought this through, haven't you?"_

"_What can I say? We can't be in the same room together without arguing."_

_The enormity of the situation once again overwhelmed him, prompting him to bury his head in his hands._

"_Howard please, this display of girlish despair is doing nothing for your masculinity."_

"_Can we let it slide? Just this once?"_

_Getting out of her seat she placed an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into herself._

"_Very well, but let's not make a habit out of this."_

_Nodding in agreement he relaxed into her hold, it had been a while since him and Bernadette had showed each other in affection and he needed some._

_Suddenly she jumped away almost as if she had received a hefty electric shock._

"_Ah."_

_Quick to think, Howard jumped out of his chair and lowered her down into her own._

"_Are you okay?"_

"_It's nothing, the baby is just a keen kicker and it sometimes it takes me by surprise."_

_He pointed to his hand before gesturing to her stomach._

"_Can I?"_

"_Go right ahead, it seems to be customary thing to do when an unborn child moves. I can't see the appeal myself but if it interests you, then sure."_

_Placing his hand on her stomach, he couldn't help but feel envious of Sheldon. He had an amazing opportunity and he was just wasting it for some reason he was yet to state._

"_Wow that's amazing."_

"_Hmm, I don't know what its problem is, it always seems angry."_

"_What could she possibly be pissed off about? I mean she's not even born yet."_

_She raised an eyebrow._

"_She?"_

"_Oh I'm sorry, are you having a boy?"_

"_I don't know what gender it is. I was just wondering what made you say she?"_

_He shrugged._

"_I don't know; it's just a feeling I got."_

"_For what it's worth Howard, I think you would make a great father. After all you've seen how Sheldon reacted."_

"_You're comparing me to Sheldon Cooper?"_

"_Hey I'm trying to compliment you here."_

"_I'm sorry it's just all this crap with Bernadette."_

_A look of doubt spread across her features._

"_Do you really want to leave her?"_

"_Not if I can help it but if nothing improves, I'm outta there."_

_A voice over by the door caused him to move his hands away from Amy as if he had been touching a hot iron._

"_You're leaving me?" Her voice was quiet and almost inaudible with an undertone of heartbreak and evident shock. _

"_You were never meant to hear it like that."_

_Bernadette swallowed a few times in attempts to respond yet no words could be formed. The most she could so was remain rooted to the spot and stare at her husband, desperately hoping that he would take back his words._

_Unable to take the tense atmosphere, Amy picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder._

"_I better get going, you two need to talk."_

_Without taking his eyes off Bernadette, he nodded in agreement._

"_Maybe that's best." _

_He waited until they were alone before he spoke again._

"_Bernie? Please say something."_

_She could hear what he was saying but she was barely listening. Five minutes previously she had been having a normal day and now her husband was leaving her, she was aware of their problems yet was unaware of how serious they had become. _

"_Why were you touching her?"_

"_She's pregnant,I was just feeling her baby kick!"_

_With each passing second her breathing became faster and more laboured as her heart rate soared._

"_You... it's not... why are you so..."_

"_Bernadette please calm down, take a few deep breaths."_

_She leant over and gripped the table for support. In the past she had thought that breathing was the most natural thing a person could do. In that moment it seemed the hardest thing in the world._

"_You will touch her but you won't come near me."_

_He walked over to where she was stood and placed a hand on her back._

"_Will you just cool off? You're hyperventilating."_

_She scrunched her eyes tightly together, her breathing becoming more restricted and her vision rapidly losing focus._

"_You're leaving me, you're leaving me!" She hysterically cried out, pushing him away from her._

"_You don't understand. It's not that simple."_

_The situation becoming too much she felt her legs weaken and give way beneath her, sending her towards the ground._

_Howard reached out and wrapped his arms around her shaking body, gently lowering her to the ground and keeping a strong on hold on her._

_She tried to resist yet he refused to let her go, in the end all she could do was allow herself to break down into loud and noisy sobs._

"_Please, just stop this. You're going to make yourself ill."_

_He brought his hand up to her head and lightly stroked her hair, desperately hoping to soothe her._

_Much to his relief the door swung open and in stepped Leonard and Raj with looks of confusion and worry across their faces._

"_What the hell is going on?we were coming to call in on you and we could hear you from down the corridor."_

"_Please do something. She's having some sort of a panic attack."_

_Without questioning the situation, Leonard got to his knees and took Bernadette from Howard's arms into his own and adjusted her into the sitting position._

"_Alright Bernadette. You're gonna be fine, just take deep breaths for me."_

_Howard scrambled to his feet and abruptly rushed from the room out into the corridor. Frustrated he sunk to the floor and began repeatedly hitting cold tiles beneath him, bashing them until his knuckles began to bleed._

_Raj came up behind him and roughly tugged him to his feet, grabbing hold of his hands in attempts to restrain him._

"_Howard stop. Please just stop this!"_

"_It's over Raj."_

_He released his tight grip, allowing him to sink back down to the floor._

"_What do you mean it's over? What's over?"_

"_Me and Bernadette! Our Marriage is over and it can't be fixed."_

**A/N: So that's just a bit of background the next chapter will be another flashback except that one will take place the same night as Sheldon's did.**


	27. Chapter 27

Clare Wolowitz perched on the edge of her father's hospital bed it had been almost an hour since he last spoke, she was unwilling to push him yet anxious to hear more. Reliving the past had obviously proved difficult for him.

She placed a gentle hand on his knee, giving it a light squeeze. She couldn't be sure whether she had done it to provide comfort or to check if he was still aware of his surroundings.

His response was unexpected and bordered on the random.

"I dropped you once; you were about six months old. I was trying to make a sandwich, send a text message and feed you your bottle all at the same time."

"Well uh... that's..."

"You sort of slipped out of my arms and then screamed like holy hell."

She let out a laugh in attempts to lighten the situation.

"I'm sure you didn't do me too much damage, I'm perfectly healthy and on the ball."

"Your grandmother had been stood behind me and caught you, seriously though you would've gone splat if she hadn't."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I don't want to tell you I was perfect. Sheldon and Amy couldn't cope and there was times where I couldn't either."

She shook her head, placing her hand on top of his.

"It's not the same."

"I'm just saying sometimes it gets to you having a kid. Your ma was at work, your grandma was being her usual self and I had like a million other things to do. I diverted my attention for about a second or so and that was all it took."

If the past few days had taught her anything it was where she belonged and where she felt loved.

"A second is nothing compared to the fourteen years they diverted their attention for."

"I've crashed the Mars Rover and sent a faulty waste disposal unit up into space and had a threesome with Raj and a girl dressed in a sailor moon costume, none of those things made me feel like a crappy person quite like dropping you did."

"We all make errors why should that one stand out?"

"Because all the other things I was meant to be doing were unimportant, looking after you was."

Instead of offering a response she bent down and pulled out a piece of paper from out of her rucksack.

"Read this."

Taking it out her hands he read the title aloud."

"Why I believe my latest discovery has brought me one step closer to finally proving string theory by Doctor Sheldon Cooper."

She pointed to what was printed below.

"Look at the date."

"The day you were born." He paused to consider its meaning. "That must have been what he was working on."

She took the paper back and tossed it to the side.

"When it comes to prioritising what is important, I believe that he was the one that went the most wrong."

"That was Sheldon for you, nothing stood between him and proving string theory."

"And you leaving mom?"

"What's that gotta do with anything?"

"What I mean is, what stood between you leaving mom?"

_Howard's Pov._

_Pushing open the heavy double doors, Howard felt an instant chill from the outside; a stark contrast from the warmth of the university cafeteria._

_Ignoring his own desire to keep warm, he slipped off his jacket and wrapped the newborn up before protectively pulling her in closer to himself._

_After taking a sweeping glance of the area, his friend was nowhere in sight; now the only evidence of him ever being there was the young baby in Howard's arms._

"_I'll take you home with me, okay? You're going to love it, although my ma's a little crazy but you'll get used to her."_

_Upon reaching his scooter he looked it up and down._

"_Right, well how's that going to work?"_

_A passing police officer stopped and shot him a look of warning._

"_I hope you're not planning on riding that thing."_

_Howard stepped away from the scooter._

"_Oh I was just..."_

"_Planning to ride a scooter whilst holding what I presume to be a newborn baby?"_

"_No I was just looking; I'm going to obviously get the bus or a cab."_

_A look of relief appeared on the officer's face._

"_Am I glad to hear that. Let me tell you, I see some real idiots trying all sorts of things."_

_Howard forced a laugh._

"_Ha yeah! I mean who would be stupid enough to even consider it?"_

_The officer began to walk away, giving him a nod of goodbye._

"_You'd be surprised. Have a good night now."_

_He waited until he was out of sight before he reacted._

"_Right, you're about to experience the joys of public transport."_

**-OOO-**

_Howard lingered outside his front door, the light was on inside the living room which suggested that someone was still up and about. _

_He had stayed at the university for most of the night for a reason; he had wanted to slip back in when his mother and Bernadette were asleep, in order to plan a way of explaining why he had brought her back with him._

_Taking a deep breath he pressed down on the door handle and let himself in. _

"_Bernadette?"_

_Her footsteps could be heard from down the corridor and all too soon she was in front of him, a duffel bag over her shoulder and a suitcase in hand._

"_What's going on?"_

_She gestured to the bundle in his arms._

"_I could ask you the same thing."_

"_Sheldon left."_

"_What do you mean he left? _

"_When we got back Raj went and sat with him to make sure he didn't leave the apartment."_

"_Well he did, he just couldn't stay."_

"_What do you mean he couldn't stay? She's his baby."_

_He shook his head and pointed at her luggage._

"_Right now all I care about is why are you packed?"_

"_This is what you wanted right? You told me before I went away that you were leaving me."_

_Readjusting the baby so he was holding her with one arm, he reached out to Bernadette with his free hand._

"_You don't have to go; I'll pack my stuff and go stay with Raj."_

"_Is that really what you want?"_

"_What I want is to be husband and father but..." He began before slowly trailing off and diverting his gaze to the young baby._

"_But what? Say it."_

"_But if you can't be a mother then I'll just have to be a father."_

_She swallowed a few times in a desperate attempt to control her emotion._

"_You really love her."_

"_How could I not?"_

_She straightened the straps of the duffel bag and began making her way towards the door._

"_Then I can't be selfish here, she needs you more than I do."_

_He remained where he was stood, unresponsive until he heard her open the door._

"_Bernadette?" He spoke up, turning around to face her._

_She stopped and released her grip on the handle._

"_Yes?"_

"_I've gotta think of a name for her but I can't. I don't even know where to start."_

"_Give her a normal name, no sci fi programmes or comic book name sakes."_

"_Any suggestions?"_

_She looked thoughtful for a moment._

"_What was that nurse's name?"_

"_Clare."_

_She gave a nod of approval._

"_I like that; I doubt the other kids could find a way of teasing her for it."_

"_It's perfect; a perfect name for a perfect baby."_

_Placing her bags down, she lightly pushed the front door so it was closed and walked over to Howard, upon reaching him she extending her arms._

"_Can I hold her Howie, just for a little while?"_

_He removed the jacket that he had wrapped around her and gently lowered her into his wife's arms. Bernadette noted how carefully he was handling her, taking great care as if she was made of glass._

"_Wow, she's so light."_

_He relaxed into a smile._

"_I know right? She's just so tiny."_

_Bernadette allowed herself to properly study her for the first time. Howard was right she was truly tiny, no bigger than a child's toy; her eyes were the perfect blend of deep blue and emerald green that she had inherited from each parent,__She had a small amount of soft fair hair on her head and she had been wearing a pink onesie with a pattern of teddy bears on it._

"_She's ..."_

"_The most beautiful child you've seen?"_

_That was something Bernadette could not argue with._

"_She is. She really is."_

_He leant in closer to Bernadette and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before placing a light hand on her cheek, stroking it with his thumb._

"_Then stay."_

"_Do you still want me?"_

"_If you still want me and if you can love her."_

_She moved her eyes away from Howard down to the young infant._

"_Her name is Clare." She paused for effect, a smile slowly gracing her lips. "Clare Wolowitz."_

"From that moment on you became the most important person in her life. That night we didn't have a crib for you so she stayed up and held you right through until morning."

"Dad?"

He looked at her properly to see the tears brimming over in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks.

"Please baby, don't cry."

"I miss her Dad, I miss her so much."

Despite the drip and the nose tube he managed to lean over the side of the bed and pull her into himself, placing a comforting kiss upon her head.

"I know, I know. I feel it too."

"I just want my mom back."

"I'll never be able to bring her back but we'll never forget her."

She adjusted so that she was able to directly look at him.

"But we'll need to move forward, we need to at least try and live without her."

He painted on his most convincing brave face, hoping that if he did it often enough there would come a time where he would no longer have to act.

"If that's what you want, then I'll do it for you."

"Do you think we'll be okay?"

"Yes, I promise we'll see this through."

A female voice from the doorway brought the moment to a close, prompting them to look over.

"You do not know how glad we are to hear that."

Looking over they saw Leonard, Penny and Raj stood in the doorway.

"Well don't just stand there, come in." Howard said gesturing for them to enter.

One by one they all entered, Raj walked over to the bed and gave his friend a friendly slap on the back.

"Dude, we have been so worried about you and we've all been talking and we're all going to be here for you."

Penny nodded in agreement, taking a place next to Raj on the bed and giving Howard's hand a brief squeeze.

"Seriously sweetie, anytime you need us just call. Isn't that right Leonard?"

"It is, you and Clare will always have out support." He stopped talking and turned to Clare."That is if you can forgive you old very regretful and apologetic Uncle Leonard?"

She got out of her chair and walked over to where he was stood and wrapped her arms around him, crouching down to his height as she did so.

"Maybe I should be thanking you? If it wasn't for that glass of water I wouldn't have been born."

"So I'm still your favourite uncle?"

She smirked, sending him a cheeky wink.

"Yes but don't tell uncle Raj."

Raj pulled a face of mock insult.

"I got you an Ipod for your birthday and he's the favourite?"

Penny smiled, shaking her head in amusement.

"Right, how about we get you both home and you can start to try and piece this back together?"

"How about it Dad?"

"Let's go for it."


	28. Chapter 28

Sheldon stood in front of the full length mirror adjusting his tie. It seemed odd to him that he and Amy had finally reached this stage, when he had first met her he would never have in a million years have pictured them doing this.

The shiny shoes, the button holes, the wedding cars and the exchanging of vows always seemed like something Leonard would've wanted to have done; whereas Sheldon had always seemed more suited to the reluctant guest role.

Taking one last look at himself he sat down on the bed and sighed to himself. It had been a week since he had seen Clare and he had a feeling she wouldn't be making contact.

He hadn't told Amy about their goodbye, he couldn't bring himself to tell her about how he was able to hold her whilst Amy was left with nothing. In the end he had simply opted to climb back into bed and acted just as shocked as she was in the morning.

He wasn't a natural liar but in the instance he made an exception. As a child his mother had drummed it in to him that lying was always wrong, however as he had discovered over the years it did sometimes have a place.

"Oh Clare, your life is so full of promise and all credit goes to Howard Wolowitz."

A little voice from over by the door abruptly pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Daddy?"

He looked over at his son, who was dressed in a tuxedo that matched his own.

"Look at you. You're like the flash performing his page boy duties."

A look of sadness was clear to see in place of the young boy's usually cheery expression.

"Daddy? Memaw says that today is meant to be mommy's happy day."

He patted the space next to him, gesturing for Stewart to sit next to him. Once he was sat down he spoke.

"Yes .In the world of emoticons she's colon, closed bracket."

"Does that mean she's sad?"

He shook his head.

"I apologise, I forget that you don't have a phone or computer. Colon closed bracket means she's smiling."

Stewart shuffled over so that he was sat on his father's lap.

"No she's not , she's crying and Memaw had to give her a cuddle to make her feel better."

Sheldon extended his arms and pulled him in closer. Despite his aversion to physical contact with most people, Sheldon had never denied Stewart any of his love; whenever he was ill, Sheldon would put aside his germ phobia to sing him soft kitty, if he ever fell and scraped his knees, Sheldon would ignore his dislike of blood to pick him up again and if he ever wanted a hug off him, Sheldon would always give him one.

When Stewart was born he had made a promise to himself that he would give him everything that he wasn't able to give Clare.

"Do you remember our friend Clare who came to visit us last week?"

"Yes, she did the Rubik cube real fast."

"Well you see thing is son, Mommy was really hoping that she could be here when we got married."

The little boy furrowed his eyebrows together as if he was trying to solve one of life's greatest mysteries.

"But she'll come back? And she can play hide and seek with me again. She always loses because she can't fit into any good hiding places."

Sheldon had always told himself that he wasn't a slave to his own emotions; however the conflicting emotions of happiness over his wedding, the amusement at his son's innocence and overwhelming sadness over his daughter's absence were almost enough to drown him.

"If I was to make a prediction I would say the odds of her returning are very slim."

Unable to comprehend the meaning of his father's words Stewart let out a giggle.

"Daddy you say funny things."

Sheldon relaxed into a smile, no matter how badly he wanted his daughter there, having his little boy there was enough to get him through. All he needed now was for Amy to enjoy the day.

"I'm sure she really enjoyed meeting you and that she will remember you."

Stewart beamed at him, his smile revealing the gap where his two front teeth should've been.

"Hey son, maybe when it comes to the pictures you should keep your mouth closed." Sheldon joked.

"My teeth were wobbly so I pushed them and then they fell out."

"And I suppose the tooth fairy left you a dollar?"

A serious look came across the boy's face.

"No mommy did."

"Oh. So you don't believe in the tooth fairy?"

"No, she's not real like Santa is."

"And what about the Easter bunny?"

"Yes he's real too but the tooth fairy isn't."

It had taken Sheldon years of practice to get his head around stuff like that. For a while he saw it as nothing more than feeding children lies and misleading them, however he eventually came around to the idea that it was simply only a bit of harmless fun.

"Okay son, if you reject the belief in the tooth fairy then who am I to stop you?"

"Thank you daddy, you won't be angry like Memaw is with you?"

"Now why would she be angry with me?"

Stewart crossed his arms and gave him a look of disapproval.

"Because you didn't come to church with us yesterday, you missed all the singing."

"My views on church are much the same as yours on the tooth fairy."

"But it was fun."

"That is your opinion."

Stewart thought for a moment before making the shushing gesture with his finger.

"It's okay daddy, I'll join your team but don't tell Memaw."

"I'll have to discourage you from doing that; Mommy has warned me against influencing your decisions. Apparently I have to let you make up your own mind."

As Sheldon had learned, Stewart was never one for sticking to one subject of conversation.

"Daddy?"

"What is it?"

"I really hope Clare comes back, I liked her."

Sheldon swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of his throat and once more mentally cursed himself for allowing such powerful emotions to overwhelm him.

"I know son. I liked her too."

The discussion was brought to a close after the sound of the prominent door bell echoed around the house.

Sheldon adjusted Stewart so he could hold him on his hip and got to his feet.

"Let's get that."

He found himself stopped in his tracks by the sound of his mother shouting a word of warning from down the corridor.

"Everybody stay put, the bride and groom must not see each other before the ceremony."

Doing as he was told, Sheldon sat back down again.

"Looks like your Memaw has got it covered."

"Who is it?"

He shrugged.

"No idea, everyone else is meeting us at the register office. It could be anyone."


	29. Chapter 29

The doorbell was the last thing Amy needed to hear, she had hoped that she could get through the morning without having to see anyone else until the ceremony. She had dreamed of this day for years yet in every scenario she had always hoped her daughter would be there.

She hadn't worried about where she married Sheldon all she cared about was Clare taking attendance. The white dress, the bride's maids, the flowers and the wedding rings were of little importance; instead she had decided upon a quick ceremony at the nearest registry office before catching the first plan back to Europe.

It may have sounded unromantic to most but to her it was all she needed.

She took one last look at herself in the mirror and sunk down into the chair in the corner of the room. It didn't matter to her how many times she was told that she looked like a princess because she certainly didn't feel it.

A familiar voice from over by the door brought her back around to the present moment.

"Do you need a maid of honour because every bride needs a maid of honour, right?"

For the first time that morning a genuine smile came across her face.

"Of course they do."

"You look great."

"Of course I do, I'm a princess." She reached over to the dressing table and retrieved her most treasured possession. "And this is my tiara."

She studied it for a moment, although it was fifteen years old she had kept it in pristine condition and it still looked as good as it did the day she got it. Placing it back down she brought her eyes up to meet her newly appointed maid of honour's.

"I didn't think I'd see you again."

"You lose hope after a while, don't you?"

Amy fiddled with the hem of her skirt, she had always pictured herself as the type to have had a big dress; in the end she had settled for a more simple outfit although she had kept in line with tradition and had worn white.

"Maybe I left it too long?"

She pondered her statement for a few seconds, giving it some serious thought.

"Even if that is true, I didn't want to miss this."

"And are you alone?"

There was a painfully long pause before the question was answered.

"Leonard and Lenny are with me but something tells me that's not what you really wanted to know."

Amy released a breath that she hadn't even realised she'd been holding and allowed her shoulders to slump. In that moment it was if the last shred of hope that she had been clinging on to had slipped out of her grasp and floated out the window.

"I'm never going to see her again."

"Oh Sweetie I'm so sorry; she's made up her mind."

This was a fact Amy had already been aware of. Even so, hearing it voiced aloud was more heart wrenching than what she ever would've imagined.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"She will be; I'll make damn sure of it."

Nodding her head, Amy forced a smile for Penny's benefit. She wasn't going to let herself fall apart, not now and certainly not in front of Penny. She looked her up and down a few times, other than her hair now being shaped into a shorter style she still looked as good as she ever did.

"So uh, Sheldon tells me you're now a drama teacher?"

"I see what you're doing."

"You do?"

Penny nodded, pulling up another chair and taking a place next to Amy.

"You're trying to take you're mind off Clare, you have a million questions you want to ask and somehow I don't think what I do for a living is one of them."

"Clare didn't go into great detail, naturally I was curious but she was reserved."

"Her first word was blue-ray, she took her first steps at eighteen months, Bernadette accidentally left her on the bus when she was a year old, and it was when she was two that she started showing signs of being one hell of a smart arse kid."

Amy sighed to herself, chewing her bottom lip.

"And Bernadette was a good mother?"

"She loved Clare, Clare loved her."

There was a pause as Amy tried to work out how to word her next question, she was aware of how sensitive it was and it hadn't been something she would've dared asked Clare.

"What happened to her? I mean what was it that...?"

"The night I found out, I presumed she was pregnant. I remember her telling me that she needed to tell me something. She and Howard had wanted another child for ages and I can still remember how happy I felt before she told me what was really going on."

Amy nodded, signalling that it was okay for her to go further.

"Clare had had a cold so Howard had put her to bed and rushed out to the all night chemist, he had thought if he got her medicine quickly they could be saved from the nightmare that Clare is when she's ill."

"What happened?"

"Then it was just me and Bernadette, I could see that something had been on her mind all night. Howard had been upstairs taking care of Clare so he hadn't noticed."

"So what did she tell you?"

"She told me it was something to do with her job, I'm not sure what it was some sort of technical microbiology thing that I couldn't even pronounce let alone understand. "

She paused taking a few deeps breaths before she was able to carry on.

"All I know is that whatever it was it had been harmful to the human body, her team had been unaware of just how harmful. I guess the correct handling procedures weren't followed and well you know the rest."

Amy looked down at the ground, blinking back the emotion that threatened to surface.

"And Clare had to watch her go through that?"

"We all did. We were there every time she was admitted to hospital, we had to listen to her screaming in agony, we held her hand through every single treatment and used to wait for hours in hospital relative rooms."

"I'm so sorry. I owe her so much for what she did."

Penny's sad expression slowly changed into a small smile.

"She told me once that you had given her the best part of her life. She told me that Clare and Howard had made her feel like she could live forever." Her voice broke with emotion, tears quickly arising and falling down her cheeks. "Even though she was dieing."

Amy reached out and took hold of her hand.

"If you miss her, all you've got to do is talk to Clare. She looks like me but it's obvious when you talk to her who her mother really is."

"But you still don't want to let her go."

"She's gone Penny; she doesn't want me or Sheldon. I made the decision to leave her and then she made the decision to leave me."

Penny got to her feet and picked up one of the bouquets that lay on the dressing table.

"Then there is only one way forward."

"There is?"

"Yes, you marry Sheldon and be the best Mommy to Stewart that you can. As for the wedding I promise you that we will make this the best day of your life."


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: I've had a complete change of direction for this chapter, it originally involved Leonard leaving a voicemail on Sheldon's phone but then I had another idea which I hope you will all agree is much better.**

Curiosity had got the better of Sheldon. Despite his mother's warning to stay where he was, there was no way he would abide by this rule.

He made the shushing gesture to Stewart to be sure he didn't blow his cover and silently edged out into the corridor. A sweeping glance was all it took for him to come face to face with his best friend once more. It had been just over a fortnight since he had last seen him and he had he had accepted that he wasn't going to see him again.

"Leonard?"

Leonard bounced his baby son up and down to emphasise the point.

"And don't forget little Lenny."

"I haven't forgotten him. It's your presence that had surprised me, so hence forth I just said your name."

Lenny pointed at Sheldon, giving him a toothless grin.

"Long like Clare."

"Honestly Leonard, aren't you going to correct him?"

"Correct him?"

"Yes. The proper term he should be using is tall, what he meant was; I'm tall like Clare."

"Oh don't you worry I shall be having a long talk with him about this later, I will make it clear to him that he is never to talk like that again."

"Do I detect insincerity in your tone?"

Leonard attempted to hide his amused smile, masking the laugh that was present in his voice.

"No, you still need to brush up on that."

Sheldon was silent for a moment as thought about what he would say next.

"Might I ask why you have come here? I wasn't expecting to see you."

Leonard could barely mask his hurt over his friend's somewhat hurtful comment.

"Clare gave me the details and I wanted to see you get married."

"Did she get back safely? When she left it was late at night and as far as I know, she didn't have any solid plans on how she proposed to get home."

Leonard had never thought he would see the day where Sheldon showed genuine concern for his daughter.

"She's a resourceful kid, she got back fine."

"I didn't want to stop her leaving, she wanted to get back to Howard and I didn't feel like I had any right to say anything against it."

"It did him good to have her back. He hasn't been doing so well lately."

Sheldon fiddled with one of the button on his jacket, he had never been good at relating to people and was unsure of how to respond. After much deliberation he simply opted to change the subject.

"Thanks for coming. We don't have a lot of guests attending, so you've just pushed the numbers up."

Lenny started wriggling in his grasp so Leonard placed him down and took hold of his hand.

"Is your son here? I would like to meet him if that's alright with you."

Wordlessly Sheldon nodded and pushed open his bedroom door, once it was open he gestured for Stewart to come out into the corridor.

Leonard took a few moments to look at the young boy in front of him. Much like Clare he was incredibly similar to both of his parents. His eyes had a curious look in them, which was accompanied by a small almost shy smile.

Leonard couldn't help but let his mind turn to thoughts of Clare. She had been very similar to Stewart when she was his age. He was little now but Leonard could predict that he would have a major growth spurt like his sister had. Leonard recalled how much it used to get to him how much Clare looked like Sheldon, he used to hate the way everybody else could ignore it when it as obvious as an elephant in the room.

"Hello, its Stewart isn't it?"

"Yes Stewart Lee Cooper."

Leonard couldn't help but smile.

"Well I can tell Daddy was very imaginative when he came up with your middle name."

"No I wasn't, I just gave him the same one as mine." Sheldon said.

Moving swiftly onwards Leonard looked down at his young son.

"Say hello to Stewart."

Lenny offered him a shy wave.

"Would he like to play to play in the garden with me?

"I'm sure he would, wouldn't you Lenny?"

Lenny nodded in agreement and followed Stewart down the corridor.

"I'm warning you now Stewart, if you get grass stains on that tux you will earn yourself a strike."

"I'm not taking the class again."

"Then be prepared to lose your TV privileges."

The sound of Stewart slamming the back door closed brought the argument to an abrupt close.

"He's already on his second strike, honestly the amount off sass that boy has is shocking."

Leonard raised an eyebrow.

"Did you make him sign an agreement?"

"Tried to, but he used the back of it to draw a picture of himself riding a unicorn which Amy then put on the refrigerator."

"Those darn kids, ay?"

"Indeed, he knows all the right buttons to press."

Sheldon let himself back into the bedroom and glanced the clock. What his mother had told him had turned out to be true; he really had over planned how much time he would need to get ready.

Leonard took a deep breath to steady his nerves and help prepare him for what he was about to say. He noted to himself how much he could've done with a bit of Dutch courage in that moment.

"Hey Sheldon, there's something I need to say and it's gonna be hard to hear."

"Oh lord. It's the tux isn't it? I knew should've gone with the blue chequered one.

"No, no, the tux is fine. You look great."

"Are you sure that's not what it is?"

"Without a doubt, there is no problem with the tux."

"Then what is it?"

Leonard gestured to the space next to him.

"Mind if I sit down?"

" Sit down, don't sit down, just tell me what's going on."

Taking a place next to him he opted to say it as fast as he could.

"You sleeping with Amy that night was out of your control, you didn't know what you were doing and it was all my fault."

Leonard waited for his reaction. He had expected; shock, anger and outrage however nothing came. His facial expressions didn't so much as falter.

"Didn't you hear me?"

Sheldon nodded.

"Yes, that sexual enhancing drug was meant to be drunk by you."

A stunned expression came across Leonard's face, he hadn't told him that part of the story.

"How do you even know that? I never told you. Was it Raj or Howard? Did they tell you?"

"Nobody told me Leonard, I knew all along what was in that water."

"I don't understand."

"Leonard, you were having problems in terms of coitus with Penny and so was I with Amy."

"You two never had sex, how could you be having problems with it?"

"Not having it was causing the problems, it didn't bother me but Amy was starting to get frustrated. At first I put it down to her mensies but after a while it became apparent that it was a genuine grievance she had."

"What are you trying to say here?"

_15 years ago._

_Sheldon wasn't usually one for eavesdropping however today he made an exception. He was in the middle of getting ready for a date with Amy however there was something about what he heard Howard say that made him stop and listen._

"_C'mon what's there to lose? The university have been distributing them out to willing participants for experimental purposes."_

_For experimental purposes? Howard was an engineer what possible experiment would he be carrying out?_

_"__Don't do it Leonard. The last time I took part in one of those trials, I ended up stripping off in a coffee shop."_

_Now that was something Sheldon was familiar with. He had been with Raj on the day of the said incident and he remembered it was the fault of the drugs he had taken to help him talk to women, but Leonard didn't have any trouble with talking to women._

_Don't listen to him. I'm telling you they work, or if you don't believe me ask Bernadette."_

"_I don't know. Would I really go that far?"_

"_Well it depends."_

"_On what?"_

"_Whether you want to be man enough for Penny."_

_Man enough for Penny. What could that have possibly meant? Did Penny accuse him of acting like a woman?_

_He heard Raj speak up once more._

"_And what, taking some form of Viagra is going to do that. Is it?"_

"_Viagra? You underestimate it."_

"_Then what is it then?_

"_This has gotta be like three times the strength. Believe me, this would arouse a nun."_

_Viagra! Sheldon had read about that in the book that Leonard had bought for him, he remembered that he had felt uncomfortable just reading about it._

"_It just seems risky, what if I make a fool of myself?"_

_It was as if Howard had read Sheldon's mind._

"_Well the way I see it is, that no matter how much of a fool you make of yourself tonight, it will seem like nothing compared to that little proposal you made."_

"_He has a point." He heard Raj agree._

"_I thought you were against him on this one?"_

"_I am. I'm just saying he had a point."_

_Sheldon suddenly caught a glimpse of the time, he and Amy had been arguing a lot recently so he didn't want to upset her further by turning up late._

_He walked into the sitting room and acted like he hadn't heard a word of what they were saying._

"_Has a point about what?"_

_His three friends suddenly stooped talking and turned to face him. Leonard was the first to find his voice._

"_Nothing Sheldon."_

_Deciding not to push it, Sheldon made his way into the kitchen and filled up a glass of water and found his thoughts drifting over to Amy. He himself had never craved a physical relationship yet it was clear that if things carried on the way they did she would probably leave him._

_Before the thought wouldn't have been so bad but now that the prospect seemed real, he realised he cared way more about her than what he originally thought. _

_At the same time he was still unsure about how he would go about fulfilling such a task with her._

_A brief distraction came in the form of Leonard's choice of TV programme._

"_Is that Babylon 5?"_

"_It's date night. You won't even be in the apartment."_

_Sheldon wasn't really in the mood for arguing with him, however he knew that if he gave in now it would give Leonard the green light to bend the rules in the future._

"_Irrelevant, the rules clearly state that..."_

_He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, once more reminding him that he was late for going out with Amy. Once he answered he listened as she ordered him to come out, he had upset her enough already that he decided to agree without protest._

"_Alright, I'll be out in a minute."_

_Ending the conversation, he placed the phone back into his pocket and turned to face Leonard._

"_That would be Amy. Don't alter the thermostat whilst I'm out, I'll be able to tell if you do."_

"_Just go."_

_Despite being late already, he wasn't leaving without taking his jacket._

"_It's chilly out. I can't go without my jacket."_

_He paused when he got to the corner and watched on as his three friends continued their conversation._

"_Pass me those, tonight I'm going to give Penny the night of her life."_

_He saw a smile forming on Howard's face._

"_How do you take it? Powder, pill or suppository?"_

"_Powder."_

_He recoiled in horror when Howard reached over and placed the powder into the glass he was planning on returning to after he retrieved his jacket._

"_Put more in." Leonard demanded._

_"__Trust me, this is incredibly strong. You don't need a lot."_

_Leonard impatiently grabbed the bag and emptied its entire contents into the glass._

_"__Are you crazy? You only need a tiny bit."_

_"__I'm not leaving this to chance."_

_"__Ok, don't say I didn't warn you."_

_Sheldon continued to watch as Leonard picked up the glass, however Howard grabbing his arm stopped him from drinking._

_"__What now?"_

_"__You're not wearing superhero underwear are you? Because as we all know, nothing wrecks the mood like that does."_

_He backed away around the corner and hid out of sight upon seeing Leonard place the glass back down and get to his feet. _

_Upon hearing Howard, Raj and Leonard enter the bedroom, Sheldon walked down the corridor and back into the sitting room. _

_The glass on the table seemed to be staring at him, curiosity became too much and he picked up the glass. He studied it for a few seconds, noting how normal it looked; almost as if it was just a normal glass of water._

_He raised it up to his lips and took a small sip, at first it seemed bitter. Despite this he took a second sip and then holding it at arms length. _

_Bringing it up for a third time his sip turned into a large gulp, he looked at the glass again by now it was half empty. _

_He brought it up for a final time and downed it in one go._

_Putting it back on the table he took a step backwards and looked at it in disbelief._

_Had he really just done that? _

_Suddenly the sound Leonard's door opening snapped him back into action and left him with no more time for thought._

He looked over at Leonard who had his hand clasped to his mouth.

"I went to her apartment and for a while it seemed like it wasn't working, then halfway through dinner it started to kick in. I thought I could go for a walk and it would subside but it just got worse. I ended up going to a music shop and buying a drum kit. I returned to her apartment and then musically seduced her."

"What were you thinking Sheldon?"

"I wanted to do something for her for once, an opportunity presented itself and I just went for it."

Leonard looked down at the ground and buried his head in his hands.

"All these years I believed it was my fault."

"Are you angry?"

Leonard shook his head.

"I'm too relieved for that."

There was a long silence as the two men took some time to let the information sink in.

"Leonard?"

"I'm listening."

"Where do we go from here?"

Leonard allowed a smile to replace his shocked expression. He wasn't going to dwell on this further. A weight had been lifted and he was going to look forwards.

"To the registry office, you're going to marry Amy and I'm going to be your best man."


	31. Chapter 31

Penny had been watching Leonard for a while now. He had been reading a comic book to Lenny and Stewart. There had been no reception after the ceremony; instead they had returned to Mary's house to allow Sheldon and Amy time to pack.

Sensing he was being watched, Leonard placed down the book and gestured to the back door.

"Hey boys, how about you go play outside?"

Stewart looked doubtful.

"Lenny doesn't know how to play counterfactuals and that's the only thing mommy hasn't packed."

"Then you should teach him."

"But...I don't know how to play either."

Leonard took a moment for thought before reaching into his pocket and producing a coin.

"Here, you can play heads or tails."

Satisfied with Leonard's suggestion the two boys accepted the coin and skipped off outside. Penny waited until they were outside before she took a place next to him.

"Am I the only one surprised by how average that kid is?"

"Average? That's not the nicest of things to say."

She playfully slapped his arm.

"You know what I mean; he's just like any other kid."

"As opposed to Clare who beat you at poker by the time she was his age?"

"Hey! I lost fifty dollars and two pairs of designer shoes in that game."

Leonard shook his head, giving her a sympathetic look.

"I told you not to bet with her."

She relaxed into a laugh and rested her head on his shoulder.

"So..."

"So?"

"So what did Sheldon say in his vows?"

"Penny I gave you the opportunity to learn Klingon years ago and you turned me down."

"Oh c'mon, just tell me what he said."

Leonard shook his head.

"Nope. It doesn't sound the same when said in English but it was really something in Klingon."

"Damn you Leonard Hofstader."

Leonard let out a laugh.

"I don't know what the hell Amy was on about in hers."

"She was talking in Op."

"Op? What's Op?"

A smirk slowly came across her features; she had found the perfect opportunity to bring them to even scores.

"If you're not going to tell me what Sheldon said in his, then I'm not going to tell you what Amy said in hers."

"That's fine by me."

"Yeah right, it's been bugging you all afternoon."

"Well I'm sure it wasn't half as interesting as what Sheldon said in his, you know at one stage it even brought a tear to my eye?"

"Oh yeah? Well what Amy said was so shocking I thought I was gonna fall off my chair."

Before the discussion could be taken further, the sound of footsteps coming down the staircase could be heard, which was then followed by a Texas accent.

"Oh Shelly are you sure you can't stay for a bit longer?"

All too soon Amy, Sheldon and Mary reached the bottom of the stairs to join Leonard and Penny in the sitting room.

"As much as I'd like to stick around, I've taken enough time off work as it is."

Mary's face fell.

"Well I guess I won't be seeing you until next year now; after all this is your second visit of the year."

Sheldon reached into his pocket and produced a folded up piece of paper, which he then passed to his mother.

"What's this?"

"It's the agreement I asked you to sign. The terms of the agreement were that I would call you once a month and visit you twice a year on the understanding that you were to have no contact with Clare."

She sighed and tried to pass it back.

"I know. I already have a copy."

Amy leant in closer, a wide smile across her face.

"Not of this one you don't."

Mary unfolded the paper and proceeded to read it.

**Revision of the Contact agreement.**

**Sheldon Lee Cooper here and after known as the son will call Mary Cooper here and after known as the mother on a daily basis and will visit her at every opportunity he gets.**

**On these visits he will bring along Stewart and Amy Cooper; here and after known as the family of Sheldon Lee Cooper**.

**The condition that Mary Cooper is to have no contact with Clare Wolowitz no longer stands; the decision to have contact lies in the hands of Miss Wolowitz and Miss Wolowitz only."**

"You really mean that?"

He nodded.

"All you've got to do is sign it."

"Has anyone got a pen?"

Penny bent down and pulled her bag up onto her lap, after a few seconds of searching she found what she was looking for and promptly passed it over.

Her hand was unsteady from the mix of surprise and excitement yet somehow she neatly signed her name.

"I'm proud of you Shelly."

"And why wouldn't you be? I've picked my wife well."

Leonard and Penny joined hand in hand and stood up.

"Oh sweetie you really have, just don't mess it up."

"No need to worry about that, it was one of the terms of the marriage agreement." Amy smiled looking up at Sheldon with a look of admiration and awe.

He looked over and returned the smile.

"The car is out the front, let's get Stewart and go home."

**oOo**

After placing the last of the cases into the car Sheldon turned to face his son.

"Right Stewart, say goodbye."

Stewart excitedly ran around each of the adults and Lenny before climbing into the back seat of the car.

Amy leaned over into the back seat and made sure he was securely strapped in before closing the door and looking over at Leonard and Penny.

"Will you do something for me?"

Penny nodded.

"Anything you ask."

Amy reached into her handbag and pulled out the tiara that she had been wearing throughout the ceremony.

"I want you to give this to Clare."

"Are you sure? It means so much to you."

"I know but she means more."

Blinking back the emotion that threatened to surface, Penny wordlessly accepted the tiara.

Amy looked over at her new mother in law.

"Thank you for letting us stay Mrs Cooper."

"My door is always open to you, always."

With one final nod of goodbye to the group, Amy walked over to the driver's side of the car and climbed in.

Sheldon cleared his throat and gestured to Penny to step to the side.

"Penny may I have a word in private please?"

Doing as he asked she followed him to where he wanted to go.

"Penny, I've been doing some thinking over the years and I have come to the conclusion I may have been wrong about something."

"And that is?"

"I'm not the guy."

Penny couldn't help but laugh.

"Well duh."

His face remained serious.

"Leonard's the guy isn't he?"

She took a step back in surprise.

"Well uh..."

"I'm right aren't I?"

"You're not wrong."

"Either way we look at this, the only outcome is that Leonard is indeed the guy."

Penny had to admit that there was no denying this.

"He really is."

"I knew it."

Penny relaxed into a smile.

"C'mon you, you don't want to miss your flight."

**oOo**

Walking back over to the car, Sheldon looked around for his mother.

"Where's my mom?"

Leonard pointed back in the direction of the house.

"She got a bit weepy and had to go back inside, Lenny went in with her."

"Women and their emotions."

He pulled open the passenger seat of the car and climbed in.

"Are you ready?"

Amy nodded and started the engine.

"Out new life as Doctor and Doctor Cooper starts here."

**oOo**

Leonard and Penny watched as the car pulled away from the house, they brought their hands up and waved them off until it was around the corner and out of sight.

Looking over at Leonard, Penny noted his sad expression.

"You'll see him again."

"I really hope it's not another fourteen years."

She placed a comforting hand on the shoulder.

"There's something I want to ask you and I really hope you say yes."

"Ask away."

Penny gently lowered herself down onto one knee and winked at him.

A wide grin appeared on his face.

"Something tells me I'm going to say hell yes!"

**THE END.**

**A/N: Hi All, thank you so much for all your support. I can't believe I've already reached the final chapter. All the reviews I've received have all been hugely appreciated.**


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